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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get his cat neutered?

83 replies

snippysnip · 15/04/2018 20:06

Hi all, I’ve namechanged as there are some aspects of this post that could be outing!

DP and I have moved in with his DGF while we save for a deposit. The living arrangement is working well but DGF is quite a stubborn (albeit lovely) man and can often not be reasoned with if he doesn’t want to do something. He doesn’t have dementia or anything like that, but what he does have is a 4yo tom cat who has never been to a vet, meaning he’s never had any jabs and hasn’t been neutered. He’s mostly cuddly but can be very aggressive. He bites, sprays over everything and he just STINKS!

WIBU to take the cat to the vet to be jabbed and neutered? I would happily pay for this to be done if it meant a quiet life with a cat that doesn’t scratch, bite or stink. Is neutering as effective in calming the cat down when they’re out of the kitten phase?

TIA!

OP posts:
Original poster
snippysnip · 15/04/2018 20:08

Forgot to add - DGF is on Warfarin so when the cat bites or scratches him, it’s a bloodbath!

OP posts:
mimibunz · 15/04/2018 20:09

Would you do it on the sly? I would, but I’m crazy like that.

RedHelenB · 15/04/2018 20:09

You would need to talk to dgf first, it's his cat!

EmmaC78 · 15/04/2018 20:10

I would also do it on the sly Blush

Original poster
snippysnip · 15/04/2018 20:12

I’m tempted to do it on the sly Blush

The cat goes out roaming and often isn’t back overnight so a trip to the vet would likely go unnoticed (but then what do I do if he suddenly has a change of heart and wants to get him neutered and there are no balls to be found?!)

OP posts:
CrispsForTea · 15/04/2018 20:12

This is a difficult one. On the one hand, I think every owner who lets their cat out should get them neutered (particularly if it's a Tom as they won't be the ones dealing with the repurcussions!).
However, I do think it would be unreasonable to put somebody else's pet through surgery without their permission, particularly are there are some (small) risks associated with general anaesthetic etc.

To answer your question re behaviour, PILs got their almost-feral farm cat neutered at around 5yo and now he's a lap cat and barely goes outside, so neutering could still change the cat's behaviour. But some cats just aren't cuddly - can't really tell until after the operation tbh.

summersmith · 15/04/2018 20:13

My neutered boy still bites and sprays. I'd still definitely do it though.

Beacauseisaidso · 15/04/2018 20:13

I would do it. Too many unwanted animals in the world. Plus the cat probably spends a lot of time in scraps.

Wolfiefan · 15/04/2018 20:14

Of course you can't do that. It's not your pet. Talk to him. But ultimately if you can't live with the pet then you have to move out.

summersmith · 15/04/2018 20:14

Can you get him tested for FIV too?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 15/04/2018 20:14

So old man and his cat were happily getting along with their lives and then you Intruded? Yabu. His cat his house his rules.

NeeChee · 15/04/2018 20:16

The cat may still spray if neutered as an adult. Granted it won't smell quite as bad, but cat pee doesn't exactly smell pleasant anyway.
My two boy cats are neutered.

WeirdAndPissedOff · 15/04/2018 20:17

I'd really speak to DGF first - although ideally the cat should be neutered and spayed, it is his cat.
And really the vet is not supposed to let you sign consent for the operation - although chances are they won't question you too much.

You'll probably find that the cat continues to spray, if he's already started. I'm not sure about the effect on his temperament, but hopefully it will improve.

abbsisspartacus · 15/04/2018 20:17

What does fil say about getting him snipped? Is he reasonable would he listen about cat scratch disease or Tom cat more likely to run away if he is intact?

Original poster
snippysnip · 15/04/2018 20:17

@Zero

Well, not really. DP lived with his grandad from birth until we moved out together a year ago, so we’ve not ‘intruded’, we’ve just moved back in. Do you understand that unneutered cats can develop all kinds of nasty hormonal cancers, spend a lot of time fighting and are at great risk of FIV?

OP posts:
mimibunz · 15/04/2018 20:18

If he suddenly has a change of heart and wants to get him neutered just act innocent 😇. I doubt that will happen though.

Beaverhausen · 15/04/2018 20:18

Gosh yes especially for your DGF's safety as he might get septicemia if the cat scratches him, plus tell him getting Tom neutered will help in the long run to stop him from wandering and possibly getting lost or worse trapped by dog baiters. Also if he is neutered he wont fight which means no chance of him catching FIV and FeLV which is a killer in cats.

I doubt he would notice Tom's goolies missing, plus you take him in the morning and collect him in the afternoon.

abbsisspartacus · 15/04/2018 20:19

If he isn't registered with a vet get one not local have him done and if he wants it done at a later date offer to take the cat yourself and just take him for a daytrip

RandomMess · 15/04/2018 20:19

Just get him done goodness knows how many kittens he's created, how many nasty injuries due to fighting...

Wandering Toms are the bane of our street - all resident cats ignore each other quite happily then Bertie bollocks turns up Angry

mimibunz · 15/04/2018 20:20

And you’re right, Snippy, he will be healthier without his berries.

Bumblefuddle · 15/04/2018 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
snippysnip · 15/04/2018 20:20

I just think DGF is very old fashioned and grew up in a time where nobody had their cats neutered or innoculated. He doesn’t have any moral objection to it, and has only said ‘nah, what for?’ whenever I’ve broached the subject of getting the cat neutered. He’s also stared going after the female cat (who we took in as a stray and appears to have been spayed) and stressing her out. We used to have a lot of visiting cats but no fucker comes near now big bully boy is around! He has the sweetest kitten face with scraggy ears from where he’s been in numerous scraps.

OP posts:
Haffdonga · 15/04/2018 20:20

Yes what does gf say?

If he's resistant can you take the cat to the vet for something else e.g. a fighting injury and explain the vet has said it needs doing?

Does he pay the cat enough attention is he with it enough to actually notice if his cat has lost his testicles?

Ameliablue · 15/04/2018 20:21

Whilst there are good reasons for neutering the cat, is not your decision to make.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 15/04/2018 20:21

I love cats, I have cats and they are neutered but if someone moved Into to my home and took my pet for a medical procedure without my knowledge they wouldn't be under my roof for long. Why can't you speak to him about it ?