To get his cat neutered?

[snippysnip]

Hi all, I’ve namechanged as there are some aspects of this post that could be outing!

DP and I have moved in with his DGF while we save for a deposit. The living arrangement is working well but DGF is quite a stubborn (albeit lovely) man and can often not be reasoned with if he doesn’t want to do something. He doesn’t have dementia or anything like that, but what he does have is a 4yo tom cat who has never been to a vet, meaning he’s never had any jabs and hasn’t been neutered. He’s mostly cuddly but can be very aggressive. He bites, sprays over everything and he just STINKS!

WIBU to take the cat to the vet to be jabbed and neutered? I would happily pay for this to be done if it meant a quiet life with a cat that doesn’t scratch, bite or stink. Is neutering as effective in calming the cat down when they’re out of the kitten phase?

TIA!

Cross post.

So gf doesn't care? I'd just do it and then tell him.

Do it, the owner sounds irresponsible not to neuter/vaccinate and it doesn’t sound like he will notice either way. It is in the cats interest.

Get it done on the sly then mention a TNR program had been trialled so if he noticed a neighbor must have taken him.

Can you talk to the GF about it and emphasise that it really is in the best interests of the cat? There are no absolute guarantees but once the testosterone has left the body (this takes a while) then there are usually some behavioural changes, for example the urge to scent mark should decrease significantly if not stop altogether.

The bit you might want to really emphasise to GF is that entire male cats are at a much higher risk of being injured and picking up transmissible (between cats that is), and sometimes extremely serious, diseases via bites and scratches sustained in fights with other cats. If this cat has never had any vaccinations and is also unneutered and so more inclined to roam/fight etc. the chances of him contracting the likes of Feline Immunodeficiency Virus or Feline Leukemia are greatly increased, particularly if he is in contact with feral cat populations.

@Bumble

He doesn’t appreciate the risks of having an unneutered cat. Nobody neutered their cats when he grew up and I just don’t think he’s in the habit of doing it as he went through a long phase of having dogs (female and spayed, interestingly)

I just think he can’t be arsed, really. Might sit him down with DP to back me up, explain why cats ought to be neutered, offer to pay for it myself and see where we get.

I would pretend I was concerned about something and say I will take the cat to the vets. Book in for vet check, come home and say everything okay but they suggested we have him neutered and vaccinated as that is best for his health. Hopefully he won't mind and you can go ahead. You can't really leave an unneutered cat going out with all the poor unwanted kittens he could be fathering. Good luck.

Morals aside, we got our dcat neutured at 5 because he was spraying and humping dd He still does these things and he became incredibly grumpy too.

He says ‘nah’ to a lot of things. It’s different to him saying a firm ‘no’, and usually means it’s something he doesn’t really think is worth discussing. He doesn’t have a moral objection to neutering animals, he just doesn’t think it’s important when it really is.

Get it done on the sly then mention a TNR program had been trialled so if he noticed a neighbor must have taken him

Wtaf?

Ask him if you can take the cat to have it done and say that you will pay.

No arguments from me about the benefits of neutering, but even so I find it hard to believe that someone would just take a cat for surgery without the owner's knowledge or permission!

I always thought that it didn't make much of a difference once they've started spraying so you might end up starting an argument for not much result! Maybe you should all go to the vet so gf can make an informed decision

Some people are just against neutering, DP wasn't keen on getting the eldest cat done, I think it was the smell that persuaded him when the cat reached puberty lol. DCat1 was incredibly chilled out anyway, so the snip made no difference behaviour wise. DCat2 I got done at 4 months old.

Trap Neuter Release - commonly done to ferals.

How can he come to the conclusion that it’s ‘unimportant’ when he’s not fully aware of all the risks associated with unneutered cats? I’m going to arm myself with some grisly facts and show him that neutering the little sod is in everyone’s best interests, including the cat’s!

Do it on the sly.

His lack of test-icicles won't be immediately apparent, as the scrotum takes a little while to shrink down (and even then, he will retain a little nutsack).

It's not just more responsible (stops him getting somebody's kitten pregnant before they've had the chance to spay it etc) but it's safer for the tomcat -reduces the ferocity of fights (though he may still have the odd one), reduces the likelihood of him getting run over, or savaged by a dog, or lost as he wanders looking for lady cats. My NDN - an otherwise lovely woman, had two unfettered toms (she thought it was cruel) - they fought constantly, ripping each other to bits, they sprayed all over and the house stank, and they disappeared for days on end.

One didn't come home for well over a week - when he did, the flesh was ripped off almost the entire length of his tail, and he was a bag of bones and very, very ill. The vet thought that he had got caught in a gin trap, and had had to tear himself free, leaving a lot of his tail behind - had it been a leg he might not have been able to do it, and would have died. As it was, he was starving and had blood poisoning because his tail (which had to be amputated - he ended up with a 2-inch stump) had become infected.

It is much better and kinder all round to have an animal neutered unless there is a good reason not to.

Little Sod? Says it all really.

@Zero

Says what? He is a little sod!

Ahh it’s the spraying that would get me above all else, it absolutely STINKS. Surely the house stinks? I got an unneutered kitten and while waiting for his operation he sprayed all over the place, I spent so much money on carpet cleaners, air fresheners, scented candles etc. I also had to replace my bath mat, earphones and whole flooring in the bathroom as he ruined them all. It was horrendous. He even peed on paperwork once that I couldn’t replace. That was literally in a fortnight while waiting for his operation slot!

Hopefully he comes around to the idea...

Yup, the house does smell very catty. I’m a student nurse so I’m constantly paranoid that my uniform is contaminated and stinking of cat piss DGF is a lifelong heavy smoker (also in the house but that’s a different story) so he can’t really smell it.

I think I’d try to talk to him re the smell/spraying/cat coming home with bits torn off. Mine calmed right down after neutering, half his face was regularly hanging off before I took him. Plus, obviously, it’s incredibly irresponsible to allow an entire cat to wander round passing on disease and creating yet more unwanted kittens. Get your DP on board and present a united but not aggressive front.