Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH weekend away

51 replies

Oscillationss · 15/04/2018 16:38

Not sure how I feel about DH planning to go away for bank holiday weekend.
We can't afford it, for one. It will cost 3x what we've paid to go away as a family of 5 for a whole week and it will leave us struggling.
Secondly I wouldn't consider leaving him to go on a jolly for 2 nights as I know he would find it a challenge to lol after 3 under 5 alone. The baby doesn't sleep well and our middle child is often up in the night too.
I feel guilty for being so against the idea and now he's saying that he feels left out as the rest of them are going.
I am willing to accept I am BU if the hive mind thinks I am btw!

OP posts:
TSSDNCOP · 15/04/2018 16:41

If you could afford it, and if there was s nice opportunity for him to reciprocate I would say give him the ok to go,

However, since that does not appear to be the case and family life will be a little worse off all round I think he needs to decline —and stop sulking like a baby—

CawsNaked · 15/04/2018 16:42

Is it a stag? I think v much depends what the weekend away is.

Peanutbuttercups21 · 15/04/2018 16:43

if you can't afford it, I'd say he should not go. (exception maybe if it is a stag do where he is Best man)

If you CAN afford it, you should both have equal opportunities to do such things

Bluntness100 · 15/04/2018 16:43

I think if yiu can't afford it you can't afford it, it's that simple. These things also always have hidden extra costs too.

hidinginthenightgarden · 15/04/2018 16:45

I don't know to be honest.
My friends invited me to a weekend away, 2 full days just one night and I feel really guilty leaving DH so am not staying for the second day. My guilt stems from similar issues to you. We aren't well off and DH would struggle with the whole weekend alone.
On balance I would say Yanbu. If he would be okay doing the same whilst you went away then great. Often though, the reality is, you WOULDN'T, so it's easier for him to say that his okay with it. He knows he will won't have to do it.

DelphiniumBlue · 15/04/2018 16:46

It will cost 3x as much as a week for a family of 5????
Where is he planning on going?
It wouldn't be ok in my book, especially as you say it will leave you struggling. I wouldn't automatically be against him having a short break with friends ( assuming you can do the same), but one of the reasons people do go away without their family is because its so much cheaper to pay for one rather than all of you.
Just out of interest, and I know this nosy so don't answer if you don't want to, how much were you going to pay for the family trip? I just can't get my head around a trip for one person being so much more!

AnyFucker · 15/04/2018 16:47

What is the occasion?

BuntyII · 15/04/2018 16:48

Isn't he a bit old for 'all my mates are going'??

Pixel99 · 15/04/2018 16:49

He needs to look at his responsibilities as a father and DH. If you can't justify the cost and I agree there will be hidden costs it is incredibly selfish of him to want to go. I'll bet he would be against you going away for a weekend at a cost of you all having a week long holiday. He is a DF, not footloose and fancy free. He could have budgeted and saved by sacrificing in other areas if he wanted to go.

timeisnotaline · 15/04/2018 16:50

I am of the if you can’t afford it you can’t afford it camp. I’d be mad ot cost 3x the family holiday and he thought that was ok.

stitchglitched · 15/04/2018 16:50

He has no business spending money on a jolly that will leave his family financially struggling. Utterly selfish.

Trinity66 · 15/04/2018 16:51

I mean if you really can't afford it then he's BU but if it's just that you don't want him to spend the money then you are, everyone needs a break away sometimes and friends are important too. You should be taking time aswell though

missbonita · 15/04/2018 16:53

Why is this being considered by him under the circumstances?

Alittlesandwich · 15/04/2018 16:53

You can't look after your own children by yourself for two nights?

That's your issue, right there.

JacintaJones · 15/04/2018 16:54

Tell him no.

GreenEyedGoose · 15/04/2018 16:55

Agree with pp, if you can't afford then no. If you'd prefer him not to spend 3 x your family holiday budget then you need to discuss with him. That seems like a lot of money though.

What is the occasion?

Foodylicious · 15/04/2018 16:56

3 x the cost of a family holiday?!!!

Can you imagine just spending that on yourself?.
That is essentially what he will be doing.
Unless he can put in some serious overtime, or sell some stuff to help fund it, then it would be a no from me.

PurpleDaisies · 15/04/2018 16:56

It depends on what the occasion is. I went to an expensive wedding abroad because it was my best friend. Dh was really supportive.

Roughly how much are we talking about here?

Weebo · 15/04/2018 16:57

She didn't say that, though did she, Sandwich?

Why is he still planning to go if you can't afford it?

pigeondujour · 15/04/2018 17:00

It's not selfish of him to want to go. It might be to actually go if it's too expensive. What's really not okay is that you wouldn't be able to consider leaving him for two nights to parent his children.

LeighaJ · 15/04/2018 17:00

"We can't afford it, for one."

YANBU based on that alone.

Mrsmadevans · 15/04/2018 17:02

OP yadnbu and your DH is very selfish .....end of.

Onlyoldontheoutside · 15/04/2018 17:02

You can't afford it.Nothing else to say really.

KaliforniaDreamz · 15/04/2018 17:02

3 under 5 for a whole weekend is bloody tough.
if he can help you locate support and you can afford it then yes otherwise no.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 15/04/2018 17:06

It's a stag in Vegas isn't it?
He should be mature enough to realise that the money isn't there and stop sulking.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.