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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH weekend away

51 replies

Oscillationss · 15/04/2018 16:38

Not sure how I feel about DH planning to go away for bank holiday weekend.
We can't afford it, for one. It will cost 3x what we've paid to go away as a family of 5 for a whole week and it will leave us struggling.
Secondly I wouldn't consider leaving him to go on a jolly for 2 nights as I know he would find it a challenge to lol after 3 under 5 alone. The baby doesn't sleep well and our middle child is often up in the night too.
I feel guilty for being so against the idea and now he's saying that he feels left out as the rest of them are going.
I am willing to accept I am BU if the hive mind thinks I am btw!

OP posts:
lattewith3shotsplease · 15/04/2018 17:08

OP,
If it leaves you struggling then NO.

eggsandwich · 15/04/2018 17:09

Just tell him you don’t have to follow the crowd!

It’s unreasonable for him to spend money you don’t have on something that only benefits one person.

AnnieAnoniMouser · 15/04/2018 17:10

You can’t afford it, so he can’t go. It’s not rocket science.

MakeMineALarge1 · 15/04/2018 17:13

What is the occasion?? I too am struggling to understand why it will cost more than a weeks holiday for 5 of you.

I think if it will leave you really struggling then the answer should be a no, but if you can stretch to it, then I'm all for weekends away with mates (but for both of you) or is it down to the fact you wouldn't leave him with 3 children so you don't expect him to leave you with them all weekend?

Just because you said he will "struggle" all weekend - so what - what is the worst that can happen, will they be fed? Watered? Dressed?

Godowneasy · 15/04/2018 17:16

You can't afford it so he shouldn't go.

He can spend the weekend learning to cope with looking after his children on his own instead.

It really amazes me that fathers aren't able to step up to look after their children in their own home, on their own for a few days. What would he do if you were ill or incapacitated etc?

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 15/04/2018 17:16

If it's purely down to cost then yanbu, struggling to imagine a weekend away that would cost so much-surely not Vegas for such a short time?!

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 15/04/2018 17:17

Oh wait-is it Ibiza?

ShinyShooney · 15/04/2018 17:20

I think a parent should be able to cope with their children alone for a weekend and I think parents are still adults and should enjoy time with friends. All this he should grow up, he's a dad is pretty lame- you are allowed a life as a parent.

But the money thing would annoy me. If you can't afford for you to do the same next month then he shouldn't be going or selling some of his stuff to pay for it.

Aworldofmyown · 15/04/2018 17:21

You can't afford it so no.

DP has been away with friends for 5 days - it doesn't bother me because it doesn't stop us from going away as a family. I have also been away for short breaks with friends.

rwalker · 15/04/2018 17:22

I Think affording it it the problem. Going away with friends is ok. Both me and my wife do this being alone with 2 kids is hard but not a struggle thing is you get used to there being 2 of you .The major issue would be if you could not do the same .

danadas · 15/04/2018 17:23

If it was just a case of you looking after the kids for a couple of nights I would say YABU (on the basis that he would do the same for you to go away).

However that fact that you cant afford it and it is going to leave you struggling is completely different and you are definitely not being unreasonable. A holiday is a luxury if there is money in the budget. If there isn't then tough.

Daifuku9 · 15/04/2018 17:26

The fact that you can’t afford it, is reason enough there for him to suck it up and skip it.

In the adult world, fulfilling family obligations and sound financial decisions come before weekends away. It seems it’s not a matter of obligation, as he’s playing into your feeling of guilt by saying he’ll feel left out.

Otherwise wouldn’t the reason be “I’m best man/it’s my best friend’s wedding/player in a big event?” That, combined with the fact you stated you wouldn’t leave him for a couple of days with the children, comes across as he’s just not responsible. Of course it’s hard work, that’s how children are and why both parents should be able to parent.

That it’s for one person over a weekend at 3x the cost of a week holiday for your entire family, would put your family under strain, yet he doesn’t want to feel left out is mind boggling.

Stop feeling guilty! He’s being selfish and needs to grow up. If the tables were turned, I’d state the same about you. Yanbu

mellowyellow2018 · 15/04/2018 17:28

If you could afford it then there is no problem at all - providing you could go away when you wanted too.

But you can’t afford it so what’s he playing at?

Bluntness100 · 15/04/2018 17:28

Whether he can look after the kids or not, irrelevant of the ops view he would struggle is not really relevant. That situation would need to be tested if she was invited somewhere. He may not look after them the way she does and no one thinks looking after three young kids is easy, but whether he could do it or not, is a subject for s different thread.

The issue here is they can't afford it. The fact he wants to spend money they don't have on this. If he doesn't go, this should be the reason. He cannot have his family struggling financially so he can go away on a lads weekend.

Echobelly · 15/04/2018 17:31

Can you maybe make a counter-offer to soften the blow a bit? Like 'I'm really sorry but I don't see how we can afford this and it's making me very anxious about money. I know how much you've wanted to see them, let's invite everyone round for lunch/BBQ this summer' or similar perhaps? Appreciate that may be a tall order if they are all geographically spread out, though.

SoyDora · 15/04/2018 17:32

You can’t afford it, so YANBU. What is he planning to go without in order to fund it?

Quartz2208 · 15/04/2018 17:33

You cant afford it it would leave you struggling then it has to be a no

EweDoEwe · 15/04/2018 17:37

If you can’t afford it then YANBU to think he shouldn’t go.

Forget “finding it a challenge” to look after his/your own children, that’s actually not the issue here.

You can’t afford it, he can’t go. The end.

LakieLady · 15/04/2018 17:40

Tell him he can go if he sells a kidney to pay for it.

Tiredmum100 · 15/04/2018 17:42

To me the biggest issue would be the cost. I wouldn't be bothered if my dh wanted to go away for two nights (I've been on several hens ranging from 2-4 nights, both in the UK and abroad and he's stayed home with the dc). But if you can't afford it you can't afford it.

BasilTheCat · 15/04/2018 18:10

If you can't afford it he can't go - the rest is irrelevant.
Unless he has a plan to work overtime and reciprocate with giving you a child free break?!

WillowWept · 15/04/2018 18:12

If you can't afford it he can't go.

If you could afford it then it'd be different.

Original poster
Oscillationss · 15/04/2018 19:25

Thank you for your responses. It's a stag but he's not even sure if he wants to go to the wedding as he doesn't want to use up his annual leave. I don't t know the couple very well but I enjoy a wedding so I don't mind whatever. It's his decision though.

With regards to the weekend away, it's not particularly expensive for where they're going but it's still money we don't have. We're going on a super cheap break in the UK to keep costs down. I feel like I'm doing my best to be as cheap as possible and he thinks that because we've saved money on our holiday then it's there to be spent but in my mind we're doing it cheaply because there is no money for that in the first place.

I could manage them on my own and I often do when he's out but I meant I wouldn't leave him to fly solo because I know he wouldn't manage quite so well. I'm perfectly capable of caring for my children!

OP posts:
MrsDesireeCarthorse · 15/04/2018 19:45

If you cannot afford it then that would be game over in our house. Not that either of us would spend x3 our family holiday cost on a weekend away for one of us, because that would suggest pretty skewed priorities too.

However, this is so fucking depressing:

DH would struggle with the whole weekend alone
and
I know he would find it a challenge to lol after 3 under 5 alone

HE IS THEIR FATHER. HE IS A PARENT. He can look after his own children. For the love of God, make them grow up.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 15/04/2018 20:01

What Desiree said x10.
He is their father, of course he would fucking cope Hmm

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