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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say BF Mums shouldn't be getting fed if...

454 replies

daydrinker · 15/04/2018 14:15

IF FF Mums aren't?

My local hospital always feeds the BF mums but leaves the FF ones. They have to sort themselves out.

I've been to the local hospital a good few times now with DS and always asked within an hour if I want food Shock

If overnight stay, I'm fed 3 times a day with biscuits and tea in between. Formula feeding mums aren't offered anything.

AIBU to say this isn't fair?

My milk supply doesn't all of a sudden vanish if I'm hungry.

OP posts:
londonrach · 15/04/2018 22:55

You right as both should be treated the same but also harder for bf mum to leave the ward. I ff dd but like the other ff babies i know been lucky enough not to return to hospital since birth so dont know if what you said is true op. The mums i know who been into hospital again with their babies are all bf you ask about the baby rather than the mum.

londonrach · 15/04/2018 23:03

Hope your baby is ok op.

Amanduh · 15/04/2018 23:07

‘The NHS feeds the baby - either formula for the ff baby or the bf mother’ but lots of hospitals won’t provide formula but feed a bf mother so that’s not correct.

When my ds was in overnight and a few weeks old (ff) they fed me and him and my mum!
their maternity and postnatal care was absolutely shit though

Phase84 · 15/04/2018 23:17

I went through this recently on a pediatric ward. I went through hell trying to bf my 2 dc and it stayed with me and affected me for months after i stopped.

When my tiny baby was admitted i was so exhausted and hungry the shop was the other side of hospital. I daren't leave my baby as people were walking past the room all the time and the staff seemed so busy. My dh was working away and i was just so fed up of staring at the same 4 walls. The lady came in to offer food. She told me they were obliged to feed the breastfeeding mothers. She asked me if i was bf but all my baby bottles were right in front of her so i said i ff.

With that she turned and walked out. I cried my eyes out as it felt like another reminder of my recent failure to bf. Irrational i know, but i was exhausted and my baby was sick.

Serena1985 · 15/04/2018 23:26

Nothing irrational about that Phase. Flowers

practicallyperfectmummy · 15/04/2018 23:32

This is policy at our hospital. My son was really unwell on children's ward i was FF he was 3 weeks old. I had just had a c section and was sleeping on the floor and my husband was at home looking after our toddler who was unwell also. I was so drained, no cash point on the hospital site so couldn't use the food snack trolley that comes around. I really could of done with a sandwich or anything actually. I didn't want to leave my little boy but luckily I had a few lovely friends that took it in turns to bring me food. It was a long stressful week I think FF mums should be fed and looked after also.

Sleepyblueocean · 15/04/2018 23:36

I would assume food is provided for bf mothers because they are providing their baby's nutrition.
The not being able to leave their child argument ( as to why ff mothers should get it) would also apply to some parents of older children as well. I couldn't leave my 11 year old on his own whilst I got my own food, even from a parents room on the ward.

Hellohellohellohowareyou · 15/04/2018 23:54

@Phase84 Thanks that's horrible.

I had a similar experience in that newborn was admitted for a potentially serious issue (turned out to not be as bad as initially thought though!) but SCBU was full so sent to children's ward. I wasn't producing enough milk so I was topping up with formula. A dinner lady shouted into the room "are you breastfeeding?" I said yes. She gave me lunch. She then came back to take the food back off me and say I wasn't "properly breastfeeding" so wouldn't be getting any further food. I'd already eaten half a slice of bread so she let me finish it. Envy

I had no issue. I didn't expect free food. I just didn't need to be told I wasn't properly breastfeeding when I was so tired with an unwell baby and had spent the first few days feeling like I'd failed her for not producing milk (I know this isn't true but the tired/hormonal combination isn't a good one!)

Baby had some issues at the start so bad been going in weekly for first few months (thank goodness not at all frequently anymore!) and every time the same woman shouts in asking if I'm BF. Now DH and I laugh when we see her because it became ridiculous.

Hellohellohellohowareyou · 15/04/2018 23:59

In addition I'd had a c section less than a week before which was infected and had partially opened and couldn't get up from lying flat myself and was told DH couldn't stay with us to help me. (He ended up doing so when it became clear I really couldn't manage). I was an emotional wreck after that stay!

blackteasplease · 16/04/2018 01:22

My exh got shouted at for making u9 the camp bed for me when I was going to stay in hospital with dd as an older baby. Apparently it wasn't about me so the fact I was exhausted after waiting hours admission in the middle of the night meant nothing and he shouldn't even be thinking of my needs.

Aloneandscared25 · 16/04/2018 01:25

I was in hospital with my daughter for 20 months straight without going home.
I wasn’t allowed any food what so ever because I didn’t breast feed ( she actually couldn’t breast feed as she was fed through a line in to her heart )
It did wind me up slightly when a breast feeding mother who clearly was a lot better of than us was in for 24 hours and got 3 hot meals.
I lived of Tesco meal deals for 20 months.

Bear2014 · 16/04/2018 01:36

I know funding has to stretch and there are reasons behind it, but I do find it extremely harsh and sad - everyone equally is trying to care for their sick child. A friend told us about the policy, she had struggled to BF and stopping had contributed to her getting PND. It hit a real nerve and was not what she needed to be confronted with when her baby got sick and was admitted to hospital Sad

categed · 16/04/2018 01:37

Our local hospital policy (Scotland) is to feed the child. So they do provide all formulas to babies and meals to be mothers.
I was in with dd1 due to sleep apnea and was offered meals. However I didn't need them as had sorted myself out. I was given a big list as to why it want about me but about baby and ensuring a good flow of milk etc, delivered very nicely and supportively). However due to gallbladder issues I again declined otherwise I would have been visiting dd from another ward.
The next lady was a ff and asked for food and was given it as they had spare. No one was nasty or condisending to anyone that I saw.

ExFury · 16/04/2018 03:06

I couldn't leave my 11 year old on his own whilst I got my own food, even from a parents room on the ward.

Which is why parents should st least be able to buy a meal.

my relative was able to safely leave her baby in her cot at 3 months (when she likely would have got a meal in most hospitals), but no chance could she leave a climber of a 2yo.

It should be easier than this. At least let people buy a meal. It's not like they are gourmet delights that cost a fortune and will break the NHS if the have one too many left over.

Plus hospitals should have a good few extra meals each day available to prevent the "there was no meal ordered for this bed yesterday so I can do you some mash and gravy, but that's it I'm afraid"

GinIsIn · 16/04/2018 03:22

Honestly, it’s terrible - my DS stopped breathing at 4 weeks, and we spent over a week in paediatric intensive care, a large part of which he was on a ventilator. The only reason he didn’t die was because I was right there with him when it happened and was able to revive him. There was no way in hell I was leaving his side after that. As a result I barely ate at all for 10 days and survived mainly on cups of tea made by passing nurses. The nurses on our ward hated the policy, and actually used to buy bread and jam out of their own pockets so they could take pity and offer FF mums toast, but alas I’m coeliac so couldn’t have any.

SD1978 · 16/04/2018 03:26

This is pretty standard. Don’t feed a BF’ing Mum- baby won’t be fed. Don’t offer food to a FF baby Mum- baby will still be fed. Older children who don’t require formula or breast milk parents don’t get a meal. I don’t see the issue.

PinkAvocado · 16/04/2018 03:26

Hospitals do not have endless funds.

Patients have to be fed.

Hospitals can, if need be, supply formula.

Hospitals cannot supply the baby with its mother’s breast milk so therefore feed the mother (to do all they can to help bm production).

This is not ff shaming.

GinIsIn · 16/04/2018 03:32

The thing is, people who haven’t sat next to their potentially dying baby around the clock often don’t see the issue. It’s not exactly easy to nip out for a sandwich. Hmm

PinkAvocado · 16/04/2018 03:42

Fenella, I agree but I just took food in. Food could never be eaten bedside in intensive care anyway in the hospital we were in so I’d have to leave my son to eat either the hospital food (or the microwave meal from home) in the parents’ room. There just aren’t unlimited funds so they have to think about the patients’ nutrition first.

SD1978 · 16/04/2018 04:57

I understand not wanting to leave a sick child, regardless of age. But I also had nurses happy to pick up food from the canteen for me, or asked family to. I was still fed quite easily by myself.

ExFury · 16/04/2018 05:39

but I just took food in.

Not always possible if your are blue lighted in and then can't leave.

If nothing else this thread shows that the provision of vending machines (with semi decent options) is dire. People should at least be able to access crisps and water easily. I know in our nearest hospital (which is huge) there is only one machine available after 6pm as the bulk are in the cafe, which is locked up. That can mean a 25 minute trek for some people - staff don't have the capacity to watch a child for 50 mins.

Bumpitybumper · 16/04/2018 05:52

YABU

Nobody is trying to shame FF mothers and I think because it's such a sensitive issue people are quick to assume that this is the case. There is obvious and sound logic behind the decision to feed mothers that are providing their babies with the nutrition they need to survive and get better. FF mothers are simply not doing this in the same way. It's not shaming or judgemental to say this, it's just fact.

SharronNeedles · 16/04/2018 06:31

Makes perfect sense to me.

Imagine if they took away the food for breastfeeding mothers like the title suggests? Would you be outraged or happy because at least you were even?

I've come across several mothers who FF for various reasons who were utterly outraged that they didn't receive the same 'care' as me because I BF. One of my friends kicked off at our trust because I was receiving additional HV visits and she wasn't.... What I was actually receiving was visits from a lactation specialist to ensure DS was getting enough food. In her mind equality should be each person receives the exact same thing when it certainly shouldn't be!

To say BF Mums shouldn't be getting fed if...
Grenoble124 · 16/04/2018 06:39

There i nothing like the hunger and thirst when exclusively breastfeeding. I would almost pass out if lunch was late.

StylishMummy · 16/04/2018 06:43

Anyone including nurses can feed A FF baby
BF mothers need an additional 500 calories over and above usual daily intake guidelines
The NHS needs to support BF women any way they can

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