To say BF Mums shouldn't be getting fed if...

[daydrinker]

IF FF Mums aren't?

My local hospital always feeds the BF mums but leaves the FF ones. They have to sort themselves out.

I've been to the local hospital a good few times now with DS and always asked within an hour if I want food

If overnight stay, I'm fed 3 times a day with biscuits and tea in between. Formula feeding mums aren't offered anything.

AIBU to say this isn't fair?

My milk supply doesn't all of a sudden vanish if I'm hungry.

Our children's ward that ds has seen far too much of feeds one parent breakfast. Breast feeding mothers are asked to order from the menu. Spare food is offered to a parent from each patient after every one has been served. The staff are good at making sure it goes where it is needed most, so parents in hdu or isolation and those no able to get out or having visitors bringing them things. All patents are offered tea or coffee fairly regularly.

Basic hot food can be ordered at almost any time for a small cost, jacket potatoes and hot puddings. A trolly with drinks snacks and sandwiches come around once a day. A vending machien that takes card down one flight of stairs. There's a restaurant with fairly speedy takeaway service and cafe and normal hospital shop.

There's also a parent's kitchen that is kept well stocked by a charity that supports the ward so there's access to tea coffee biscuits instant soup and pasta type things and facilities to store and heat ready meals. It's right next to the ward and parent's are encouraged to use it and nurses regularly offer to watch over children so parents can pop out around meal times.

There's a list of local takeaways that deliver to the ward door as well.

In an ideal world they'd love to provide one parent with food but they can't. With ds first admission he bf almost constantly so I was very greatful to be fed and watered and actually fed by the nurse looking after him on a few occations.

Should be that for babies, one parent gets fed so that they can be with the baby and focus on that. The NHS should be there for all not be making judgements about how babies are fed of what your relationship status is.

or at least have the option to buy a meal without leaving the ward

I agree. FF and bf aside, if you have no/limited family to help its very hard to leave an ill child if they will get distressed. In fact probably harder than leaving a baby who might spend a lot of time asleep at least allowing you to nip out quickly. I only ate twice in 3 days when my 3yo was in (i was pregnant too). He screamed if I so much as went for a wee. It's too much for a hospital to feed a parent of every child, but making food more easily accessible seems fair.

We also had our parking paid. You could take your ticket in and the ward exchanged it for a pass to place in your car. I couldn't get out to my car for over 24 hrs but it had A parking ticket on it and there were obviously decent staff as I didn't get pulled up on it.

much cheaper than hiring more staff to look after them whilst the parent goes to get food that would never happen on our children’s ward.

When toddler DD was in hospital a lovely nursery nurse brought me toast in the morning. It is against policy but that point we had to stay on the ward to wait for ward rounds.

The system isn’t fair. Should be anyone with a partner doesn’t get a meal - as that partner should sort it out.

It's not always that black and white though unfortunately Just because you have a partner it doesn't mean they can supply you with food.

Sorry... but every time this thread appears I keep thinking its 'boyfriend's mum' and wonder why she can't be fed 😏

5 week old ds had op which required us to stay over last week. I am bf and was offered no food whatsoever. Someone did offer to sit with him so I could go and buy some breakfast - thankfully he was asleep at the time!

Ds was on peads ward at 6 weeks, no they did not provide his formula. He was having continuous oxygen, and could not feed and breathe at the same time so needed to be tube fed. We were left to do all those tube feeds ourselves. No one ever seemed to come in to the single room he was in to check on him, so I couldn’t leave him as his oxygen levels kept suddenly dropping - I would then have to press the buzzer. I wasn’t offered so much as a glass of water. I didn’t eat or drink until DH could come in about 5pm each day. If parents are on their own with a sick child that can’t be left then arrangements need to be made for them to have access to food and drinks.

Neither of us have family living near us and all our friends work.

I've never been in a hospital that provided formula, the parents had to, and if they didn't bring any, they were sent out to buy some.

There are some REALLY paranoid people on here.

The NHS feeds patients. Not families. They will provide food for your FF baby. If your baby is being BF, they feed the mum who in turn feeds the baby. Lack of nutrition in a breastfeeding mother absolutely affects supply.

There's not a conspiracy. I've never met a children's nurse who gives 2 shits if you FF or BF. But the NHS is not made of money. They cannot continuousl provide every little thing with an ever decreasing budget.

Our hospital provided formula for ff babies. For breastfed babies, they privide food for mum. Fair as far as i'm concerned (a bit if toast and a yoghurt is a lot cheaper than these little formula bottles)

I can’t believe some peads wards cover parking! We were in for 2 weeks and spent £200 on parking - just another beautiful added stress when you’re on maternity leave and have a very ill baby.
As for those saying partners can bring food etc we were in a hospital an hour from home and had another child who had to be looked after and taken to school and work.
As for those saying visitors can help, we were in a private room and only me and dp were allowed in whilst wearing aprons and hand santiser, I left that room once in 2 weeks. Also no chance of finding a nice friendly Mum in the next bed to watch him as there was no one.
Nurses wouldn’t watch him.
Thank god I was breastfeeding and was allowed to be fed. As I mentioned, my partner went without food for 24hrs because we weren’t aware it was only food for bf parents.
If I’d have been FF I probably wouldn’t have eaten for 13 days.
Maybe I’m speaking from a bitter perspective because I feel the NHS has failed me massively recently, but if they want to save money and not feed parents that’s fine but they need to invest in enough nurses to look after the babies so you can leave to get your own food.
Being ‘free’ is not an excuse for the failings going on inside those hospitals.
BF/FF/Mum/Dad whoever is there, although may not be the patient is also going through a shitty time.

At my hospital I’ve always been fed 3 meals a day because I bf, and the hospital aren’t exactly shy or quiet about it.
However, there is a small cafe literally just off the children’s ward for you to grab something (in sight of 2/3 of the rooms) and there is a parents room with free tea, coffee, biscuits and hot chocolate, toast with butter or jam, cereals, fruit and fruit juices. Anyone can help themselves. There’s always plenty of milk too. There’s another kitchen purely for storing and cooking food in. As long as it’s labelled you could have any meal you want bringing in, there is a cupboard allocated per room. This is all funded by donations to the unit, and it frankly fantastic!
Ff mums will not starve and those that don’t want to leave their poorly babies are also given the option of ordering a meal that morning - when the porters clean the rooms. Overall I think the provision is sensible, as without at least one decent meal a day my milk supply drops dramatically and it actually can cause latching issues for me for a few days if I skip a meal.

Our hospital only give you a parking pass after day 3, and they don't advertise or make this known to you. I only found out because another parent told me and when I asked the nurse she looked pretty peeved off.

Me and my son were in hospital a few rimes when he was a baby. Be was ebf so i was fed. I wasn't brought my meals though. I was given a voucher for the canteen and a nurse held him while i went to get food. In the case of Other babies on the ward who were ff, they were fed.

The nhs feeds the patient. Either the ff baby, or the bf mother. The outcome is the same. Patient gets fed.

I was surprised by this but told it was because my dc was the patient and entitled to food, I was breastfeeding so providing the food and they supported that by feeding me. It also meant I couldn't take breaks/switch care and had to pump when child was tube fed. To be honest with a young baby this was such hard work compared to formula feeding where you can share the responsibility that I think it's good it's supported. I had no way of ensuring I was properly fed as couldn't leave! After 5 days of a very ill 7 week old I was in desperate need of clothes and a break but there was no one I could hand over to.

On the Paediatrics ward (as opposed to the maternity one where we feed all mums) we feed bf mums only from the kids food trolley (so it’s not great food) as this is indirectly feeding baby. Formula (C and G, SMA (not aptamil) and specialist formulas available for FF babies. Babies in for ages parents asked to bring own - though there often on prescription formulas anyway. Paid your own lunch and snack trolley once a day. Costa, smiths and volunteer cafe available in hours. Parents encouraged but not required to stay overnight. Ward is only staffed as if parents are staying so we can be a bit keen to get parents to stay. Parents have been upset that Apatamil not provided or that we don’t have a nurse per kid to stay in room with. It’s different everywhere I have worked

I was in Bristol childrens hospital when my son was 6 days old. He couldn't feed from me because of breathing issues so i was told to express. So I was fed. Poor woman opposite me was with her ds from birth had already been there a month when we arrived. She told me nobody mentioned that if she were to express for him she could have meals. She was out every evening looking for food.

I wasn’t fed and I BF’d. I had a very excruciating forceps delivery the first time with so many stitches they went up into my buttock. The room I was in with DS couldn’t have been further away from the ‘breakfast room’ if they tried yet they wanted me to walk to it myself, clutching onto DS’ cot as I went. Apparently it was procedure to encourage new mums to get active as quickly as possible. I was a first time young mum so didn’t question it, even though I was in agony and it took me almost an hour to get a bowl of rice fucking Krispies. I made my mum and exH bring me food in after that. That was eight years ago. I wasn’t fed after DC2 either and only offered tea and toast after DC3 was born. I BF’d then all.

First time DD was admitted for 4 days I was BF, got fed three meals a day with brews and toast in between. She was 3 weeks old, immobile and hooked up to a load of machines so she wasn't going anywhere. Logistically (although not emotionally) it would have been easy to leave her for 10 minutes and grab a sandwich from the cafe.

Second time she was admitted for 4 days I'd stopped BF about a fortnight earlier. She was 10 months old, sitting up and trying to crawl, pulling the tubes and wires out of herself and the machines, would've fallen out of the cot and injured herself if left (or pulled the cannula out of her arm). The ward was packed to the rafters and all the HCPs were rushed off their feet, I felt guilty asking anyone to watch her while I nipped for a wee, let alone to find food at the other side of the hospital (a good 10 minutes walk each way and a 10-minute queue in the cafe). DH couldn't visit and bring supplies every day as he was looking after DSD and DS on his own, no visiting children allowed on the ward, no babysitter to watch them, hospital 45 minutes' drive from home/work. He managed a quick stop with a change of clothes and some nappies for DD, while his DM sat outside in the car with the other DC, and delivered me a box of cereal bars and a bottle of pop - I can't tell you how pleased I was that he'd thought to bring snacks! I ended up really quite ill while we were in there, possibly a contributing factor was lack of food. Water and squash were readily available for free from the nurses' station but a snack trolley would have been extremely welcome, and I would have been ecstatic if I'd been offered the option to pay for my meals to be brought to DD's side room.

I really don’t understand the fuss. The hospital will provide the formula for the formula fed patients = patient gets fed (formula). The hospital provides food for Mother’s of breast fed patients = patient gets fed (breast milk).

@IndominousRex from my POV it's not about the expectation to be fed, it's about acknowledging that logistically it's virtually impossible for many parents who accompany small children to hospital to actually get to where the food is without taking HCPs away from other patients. I'd be more than happy to pay for my meals to be brought to the ward or to buy sandwiches from a trolley, but the option simply doesn't appear to exist at our hospital (or at many others according to the responses here).

Where is the cut off though? DS was 4 when he was seriously ill in hospital and he has ASD so could not be left even with nurses. I could hardly expect food at that stage. It is just one of those things. Hospitalisation is difficult.

I didn’t know this at all!!!

I’m all
For looking after bf mums, they’re physically supporting their babies and their wellbeing directly affects their babies

But I generally don’t feel anyone but patients should be fed in hospital outside of the birth/paed wards

[Just for background info, I chose to FF my son. I decided before he was born, as I just am not comfortable with the idea of breastfeeding (me, not others - I 100% understand why women choose to breastfeed). Sharing the feeding with my husband worked really well for us as a family.]

I had a very traumatic birth, which left me with PTSD and a serious infection.

When my son was 10 days old he was throwing up a lot of his milk, so our GP sent us immediately to hospital. We drove straight to the hospital from the surgery, so weren't really prepared for an overnight stay, but the doctors there said they wanted to keep him in for observation. My husband drove home to pack a bag for me, and I obviously stayed with our son. It was evening time and I was very hungry, and a nurse came in and glared at me and said she couldn't give me any food as I wasn't breastfeeding and marched off. I was astounded at her manner and rudeness. I was sleep-deprived and an emotional wreck anyway because of my son, and burst into tears. As we had come straight from the GP, I didn't have much change with me in my purse and didn't want to leave my son, who was undergoing tests, so I just went hungry. It was awful. I remember feeling very weak. When my husband came back he went on the hunt for something for me to eat, and the canteen was closed, so I had to have a chocolate bar from the vending machine!

I do understand the NHS needs to save money, and if it was an extended stay I would certainly have been happy to pay/provide my own food, but for anxious new mums who have just arrived I think it's very poor to be met with such attitude and judgement. Staff should exercise some common sense!