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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband lied and now wants to be honest

61 replies

Playdow · 15/04/2018 09:09

Husband has been leaving and coming back again for the last two years. All started when DD2 was born. Invested lots of tears and lost trust in him. He said the last two years have been a lie and he is sorry, and all the emotion and effort I put into being a good wife, when he reciprocated it was a lie, he said he wasn't feeling it.

I got inheritance and stupidly gave him a big chunk, then a month later he wanted to leave again. I asked him why did he take from me knowing how he felt? He said he works and I don't and it was about time he got something back. I said he should have just gone and let me use the money for me and the children.

Now he says he knows what he wants and that is to be with me and the children and he is sorry, and he is sorry for hurting my feelings over and over again.

He never left for someone else that I am aware. I am just annoyed that I spent all that time investing emotions and was lied to. How do I trust him knowing what lengths he can go to, to waste my time.
Has anyone else experienced this? How did it work out?

OP posts:
Returnofthesmileybar · 15/04/2018 09:16

The question is now how do you trust him but more why the hell would you want to trust him , no way would I take him back. Two years have gone past, do not set yourself back two years, he will do this again and you will be back at square one

StripeyDeckchair · 15/04/2018 09:17

Move on without him
You'll never be able to trust him & believe what he says.

In your shoes I'd be demanding the inheritance money back too.
Invest it in something to safeguard your future

NameChange30 · 15/04/2018 09:18

Stop being a mug
LTB

Petalflowers · 15/04/2018 09:19

Forget what he wants, what do you want? Do,you want him back, or not?

To,be honest, I think he's mucking you around. I think he has plainly showed you he's not committed to this relationship, and there's nothing stopping him going again.

I suspect there was someone else on the scene, even if it were an emotional relationship. She has blown him out, so he wants to,come back to you.

LEMtheoriginal · 15/04/2018 09:19

Sounds like he's spent the money

Allthewaves · 15/04/2018 09:20

He's had you on a yo yo for two years. Is his how you want to spend your life? Worrying when he's going again? Only you can decide if it's worth trying again but if you do, you need to be protected financially and.have your ducks in a row.

NoSquirrels · 15/04/2018 09:22

I am just annoyed that I spent all that time investing emotions and was lied to. How do I trust him knowing what lengths he can go to, to waste my time.

“just annoyed”?

I’d be livid.

Don’t trust him, that’s my advice. Trust is earned. How has he earned it?

Or has he shown you the opposite?

Find someone better, be happy.

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant · 15/04/2018 09:24

For the love of all that is good and holy - ARE YOU FUCKING MAD.?!?! Run for the bloody hills woman! He's a cocklodger looking for a garage to park his dick in for another little while. Do not debase yourself to his level, please.

kitkatsky · 15/04/2018 09:24

My ex left and cane back three times when DD was a baby. Always for stupid reasons- I wasn’t putting out enough, there was a delay in him getting his car fixed because I made an error when withdrawing my money to pay for repairs etc. After the third time I said he couldn’t come back. You need to have respect for yourself and let your kids see that the way he treats you isnt normal. Feel free to PM if you want to talk x

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant · 15/04/2018 09:24

Sorry for being quite so blunt but it makes me truly truly angry to see people being taken such cruel advantage of, it really does.

FASH84 · 15/04/2018 09:26

**LEMtheoriginal spot on

rollingonariver · 15/04/2018 09:27

Whatever his reason for doing this, he's a twat. You need to be stronger than him and say no for the sake of you and your children. He will keep doing this.

rollingonariver · 15/04/2018 09:27

Whatever his reason for doing this, he's a twat. You need to be stronger than him and say no for the sake of you and your children. He will keep doing this.

ChasedByBees · 15/04/2018 09:27

I got inheritance and stupidly gave him a big chunk, then a month later he wanted to leave again. I asked him why did he take from me knowing how he felt? He said he works and I don't and it was about time he got something back.

When did he say this? Then or now? Does your work looking after his children count for nothing in his eyes then? I would ask for the money back as a show of good faith for starters.

Clutterbugsmum · 15/04/2018 09:27

As others have said why the hell would you want to even 'try' again. Does he decide to come 'home' when he see you getting on with life with out him, so he feels the need to disrupt you and your children lives again.

Where does he go each time he leaves.

I wouldn't want my children being bought up in a household where 'dad' pops in and out of their home.

They need a stable loving home, not what they have at the moment.

Oh and cut off the money, any money you have is for you and your children only.

Coolaschmoola · 15/04/2018 09:30

Why are you LETTING him treat you like dirt?!

Foxysoxy10 · 15/04/2018 09:31

I’m sorry this is going to be harsh to hear.

I imagine the money you have given him has run out and now he wants to get back together so he can bleed you dry of the rest.

He is using you. Is there anything you can do to try and get the money back you gave him? Any legal loopholes? I think you should at least speak to CAB or a local solicitor to see if you can do anything.

You deserve someone that wants to be with you 100% not just when it suits him.

If life gets tough he will leave again. If he gets money from you he will leave again and if someone else shows him some attention he will leave you again.

HolyMountain · 15/04/2018 09:34

Don’t have him back.

He’s using you.

He’ll leave you again when it suits him.

Tell him to fuck off and never come back.

Haffdonga · 15/04/2018 09:35

Ask him to pay you the inheritance money back first to show you how genuine he is.

If he does, you've got your money back. If he doesn't then you know he was only in it for the next lump sum.

Awrite · 15/04/2018 09:36

Someone would leave me only once.

Every time you take him back, he has it confirmed that he can treat you like shit and you will forgive him.

heateallthebuns · 15/04/2018 09:36

What everyone else has said!

GreenItWas · 15/04/2018 09:38

What LEM said. Don't be a doormat on what is clearly a revolving door.
Flowers

UnsuspectedItem · 15/04/2018 09:39

Get your money back.
His response to this will tell you everything you need to know.

jaseyraex · 15/04/2018 09:40

He's been treating you like a mug for two years! Do not let him do it any longer. Kick him to the kerb. He'll waste your time and mess with your head all over again as soon as he has the chance. Get out OP, find someone better.

Gabilan · 15/04/2018 09:42

He never left for someone else that I am aware

Sorry OP but I suspect if he could find someone else, he would go. He's shown you enough times who he is. You are better off without him.