Husband lied and now wants to be honest

[Playdow]

Husband has been leaving and coming back again for the last two years. All started when DD2 was born. Invested lots of tears and lost trust in him. He said the last two years have been a lie and he is sorry, and all the emotion and effort I put into being a good wife, when he reciprocated it was a lie, he said he wasn't feeling it.

I got inheritance and stupidly gave him a big chunk, then a month later he wanted to leave again. I asked him why did he take from me knowing how he felt? He said he works and I don't and it was about time he got something back. I said he should have just gone and let me use the money for me and the children.

Now he says he knows what he wants and that is to be with me and the children and he is sorry, and he is sorry for hurting my feelings over and over again.

He never left for someone else that I am aware. I am just annoyed that I spent all that time investing emotions and was lied to. How do I trust him knowing what lengths he can go to, to waste my time.
Has anyone else experienced this? How did it work out?

I agree with asking for your money back. That will tell you how serious he is. Then I’d kick him out. Idk if you could get it on legal ground. This sounds as though you may have been coerced, manipulated at the very least.

You'd have to have MUG stamped through you like a stick of rock to tolerate one more second of this man's vile behaviour. Tell him to get to fuck?

He’s run out of money
Please OP, don’t let him come baxk

Either bin him off, or if you're actually daft enough to go for it, ask him for the inheritance money back firstly.

Time to link that song again

There is no way I'd be allowing this fuckwit back into my life, what sort of impact do you suppose him coming & going as he pleases is having on your children?
Me? I'd tell him to get to fuck.

I would get my money back as a priority. If that is gone then he can fuck off.

I don't want to upset you OP, but the last time he came back for the two years "that were a lie" were there indications that you were about to get a large inheritance? I would feel scammed.

If you keep taking him back you will constantly be watching and waiting for signs he is not happy and then working your socks off to service and make him happy - you will not be happy and over time you're confidence will be obliterated and you will loathe and feel self digust for how you have abased yourself . He will have all the power and control. This man is not your friend. He does not love or really care for you or your children (except as a reflection of himself). He is totally self absorbed - his only significant relationship is with himself and fulfilling his own needs.

Do not have him back -If not for yourself then for the sake of your children.

When someone has left you once, something gets broken. A relationship is NEVER the same. Okay, sometimes you can get back together and it is stronger, but that's only when both parties have learned something vital about themselves during the split.

He hasn't learned anything, other than that he'd rather have someone else wash his pants. And now you've got some money...he's spent what you gave him and wants to 'help you' spend the rest.

It would be broken for me, OP. There would never actually be any true coming back, even if he did literally live with us.

You really deserve better.

Yes all true and what I think myself. It was all fine or so I thought before DD was born, we have another child, but I gave up work to care for two. I always tried to make sure he didn't resent me for not working in a paid job, and I do intent to go to work when the children go to school.

I do everything, he even says I treat him so well, he has probably cooked four times in just as many years. I don't mind doing everything. I just tell him that I don't believe him anymore when he says he loves me, he says he means it this time and he understands why I don't trust him.

It is silly because I would tell me the same thing as everyone else has said too but when you build a life with someone, you see other sides that make it all nice and hard to just throw it away.

I just think back to family holidays and feel foolish thinking I was having a good time and how great it was and was he just thinking how much he didn't want to be there but putting on a act.

Last summer when he left I went to stay with my mum for the holidays and I met another man, and nothing happened, it was at the local pub with my cousin, and there was clearly an attraction, but being the honest person I am, said no thank you however much I like you, I am married, so nothing is going to happen. The most that happened was an add to Facebook, and we haven't spoken since! It just gets me wondering that obviously other people find me attractive so there is hope for someone else and I won't be alone.

I even told him what happened and that I wasn't interested, he wouldn't have found out but I was just trying to show him that he has a good person in his life.

I said why don't you ever take me out on nice dates, and he will always have an excuse. I pointed out that I gave him money so there was no excuse, and he said he didn't take me out because he didn't want it to be a waste if he didn't know what he wanted.

My mum says I should string him along and make the most of staying at home spending his wages while I can.

Im sorry but this is not a man that loves you but more importantly not a man that deserves YOUR love. He either has someone who has now dumped him or he is after the rest of your money. Now hes decided he wants to be a dad. You and your dd deserve better. If you waste your time in this prick you wont find him.

when you build a life with someone, you see other sides that make it all nice and hard to just throw it away

You haven't built a life with him though, not really. You've worked hard to build a life for you and DC and he's dipped in and out of it whenever he feels like it.

At least if you kicked him out for good your DC's life would have some consistency and stability. Everyone would know where they stand finally instead of them growing up wondering how long it will be before Daddy does a runner again and if he'll ever come back this time.

Don't string him along, it will sap your strength. You and your children need some certainty in your lives and he has prevented that for two years. See a solicitor and take steps towards a divorce.
I doubt you will ever get the money back that you gave him, but you can make sure he doesn't get any more. And you can create a proper routine with regular contact for your children, so they know where Daddy is and when they will see him.

I said why don't you ever take me out on nice dates, and he will always have an excuse. I pointed out that I gave him money so there was no excuse, and he said he didn't take me out because he didn't want it to be a waste if he didn't know what he wanted.

And you're still wondering if you should be with him? Hvae some self respect!

Have some dignity and get rid.

Ignore your mum's comment too.

I would tell him that he needs to pay you back the money you gave to prove he’s not just after your inheritance. And as soon as he’s done that kick his sorry arse out of the door.
If he refuses (which is likely imo) consider it money well spent to be rid of the leeching user.

Tell him it's too little too late. The only thing you should talk about are your DC.

Tell him you will have him back if he returns the chunk of money. Then change your mind. He is a waste if headspace.

He doesn’t love you enough to treat you properly.

You love him but need to love yourself enough not to accept this type behaviour and accept you deserve better.

Sorry to be as blunt but think you need it . You have 2 children with him and nothing else .
Are you getting maintenance?

I wanted my marriage to work and in the end I realised . I was the only one trying .

He isn’t even trying . Even if he did he is simply doing the minimum to get what he wants.

Also there is nothing to suggest he loves you only seems to be what he wants .

Also remember you are role modelling relationships to your Dc

I would be highly suspicious of these events. Sounds like he had another woman and when that wasn't working he came back to you. Probably she's ended it so he wants to come back to where his bread is buttered. Can't understand his flip flopping otherwise. You sound like a strong mother who has handled 2 years without him and could go forward without him just as easily!

Your Mother sounds like mine. She gave my sister similar advice. He left her, is engaged to someone else now and much happier. Sister is alone.

Have respect for yourself.

You'd have built a nicer life if he hadn't kept coming back and you'd have had all your inheritance money.

Please take control of the situation and start dictating what you want. Don’t string along. What’s that going tomdo, apart from delay the inivetible, and you’ll probably end up giving him money, ot vice versa.

I can understand where you are coming from about building a life. You have history with this guy, but I think sadly you have to now view it as that, ie. history. Start looking to the forward, and not the last. Put yourself and your dc first.