Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband lied and now wants to be honest

61 replies

Playdow · 15/04/2018 09:09

Husband has been leaving and coming back again for the last two years. All started when DD2 was born. Invested lots of tears and lost trust in him. He said the last two years have been a lie and he is sorry, and all the emotion and effort I put into being a good wife, when he reciprocated it was a lie, he said he wasn't feeling it.

I got inheritance and stupidly gave him a big chunk, then a month later he wanted to leave again. I asked him why did he take from me knowing how he felt? He said he works and I don't and it was about time he got something back. I said he should have just gone and let me use the money for me and the children.

Now he says he knows what he wants and that is to be with me and the children and he is sorry, and he is sorry for hurting my feelings over and over again.

He never left for someone else that I am aware. I am just annoyed that I spent all that time investing emotions and was lied to. How do I trust him knowing what lengths he can go to, to waste my time.
Has anyone else experienced this? How did it work out?

OP posts:
MilesHuntsWig · 15/04/2018 10:58

Very odd advice from your mum. Please think about what you want... seriously, if you screw your eyes up tight and think what makes you happy is it skivvying for some twat who clearly has no respect for you?

He is at best a confused companion and, at worst, a using and cynical bastard.

snewname · 15/04/2018 10:58

He's with you because life is cushy with you running after him, pandering to his every need and trying to be a "good" person. The second he finds someone else, he'll be off. Sorry. A relationship should be two way. He's just taking whilst you are doing all the giving.

Respect yourself and tell him where to go because there is no respect from him.

Vampirella666 · 15/04/2018 11:18

I want to say that I feel for you so much OP.... I am going through something similar and I wanted to send you some good wishes. That feeling of having your perceptions of the past whipped from under you is disorienting and feels so cruel. I want to leave my dh but a lot of people have fallen for the 'nice guy' exterior and aren't offering much in the way of support.
It seems doubly hard because even if you were to 'try again', there's nothing to try and get back because that was a falsehood. So if you met him now... with the benefit of what you know about about him, would you want a relationship?! Thanks

Zaphodsotherhead · 15/04/2018 11:21

he didn't take me out because he didn't want it to be a waste if he didn't know what he wanted

and that has to go down as the worst possible excuse EVER.

Shizzlestix · 15/04/2018 11:22

Get the money back (dumb move giving him a penny!) then tell him to fuck off. He is bringing nothing to your life bar stress.

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 15/04/2018 11:22

Please have some counselling and work on your self worth. Why anyone woudl put with this I have no idea. You are worth so much more.

frieda909 · 15/04/2018 12:13

he said he didn't take me out because he didn't want it to be a waste if he didn't know what he wanted.

That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard. Your husband views taking you on dates as a ‘waste’ (of what? time? money?) while he spent years deciding whether you were worth it or not. That tells you everything you need to know. This is not a man who loves or respects you. I’m so sorry.

Clutterbugsmum · 15/04/2018 12:38

he said he didn't take me out because he didn't want it to be a waste if he didn't know what he wanted. Time to turn his own words back on him.

Until he know 100% that he wants to be part of your family, and does 100% of the work to become part of your family then, an only then will you consider even thinking about letting him back into the family home/life.

Sparklesocks · 15/04/2018 13:29

I’m sorry but I wouldn’t trust him again, he has proved he is fickle and selfish and it’s very convenient all of that has suddenly gone - how many leopards really change their spots?

tishhope · 15/04/2018 13:37

I agree with the others: He is only back because he has spent the money and is probably hoping to get the rest of your money out of you. He will leave you again, don't give him the chance.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 15/04/2018 16:10

He may want to come back - but that is absolutely no reason at all why you should let him.

Personally I don't trust his 'but it's you I love', but hell, that's based on what you've written. I don't know him. But I still don't trust him!

Even if it IS because he really loves you, he's still doing it for selfish reasons. So be selfish yourself. If you're going to let him back make him earn your trust over many months before you do. Whether or not he does it will tell you how he really feels. And don't give him a penny more of your inheritance. You can't buy him, as he's proved.

You've felt like shit for two years. It's not your responsibility to let him straight back in to stop HIM feeling shit. Tough on him.

(Personally I'd like to think I'd wave him goodbye.)

New posts on this thread. Refresh page