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AIBU?

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Original poster

Or is this inappropriate/unsympathetic

55 replies

NameChangedAndForgotOldName · 14/04/2018 19:56

You've spent the night in hospital with a loved one you were very close to, you were there with them when they passed, they've only been ill a few days and it's totally unexpected, up until yesterday afternoon you thought they were getting better.
You ring your oh and he answers with "is he dead now then?"

OP posts:
Knittedfairies · 14/04/2018 19:59

Inappropriate and unsympathetic doesn’t begin to describe your OH. I’m sorry for your loss, OP

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 14/04/2018 20:01

Wow, truly awful.
Flowers for you, I'm very sorry.

MiniCooperLover · 14/04/2018 20:02

Horrible and inexcusable 😔

Crunchymum · 14/04/2018 20:03

Unforgivable.

doodlejump1980 · 14/04/2018 20:04

Wow. That’s awful!

Mymouthgetsmeintrouble · 14/04/2018 20:06

What a horrible thing to say , are you ok op i know how you feel having recently lost a loved one , do you have other people around you who are supportive

SunshineAfterRain · 14/04/2018 20:11
Shock Horrific even if the death was expected. I bet it would point out to oh had the shoe been on the other foot how he/she would feel. Sorry for your loss. Do you have someone you can talk to in real life OP?
clyde5591 · 14/04/2018 20:13

I'm so very sorry for your loss - its a tough thing to go through and when its someone you are close to you feel so sad and lost.

Your OH's response was at the very least - selfish, unhelpful and unsupportive in the circumstances.
Is he usually like this or is a case he just didn't know what to say?

onemorecakeplease · 14/04/2018 20:20

Yeah it’s not great. But it’s the sort of thing my dh would say and not mean to be so blunt.
He deals with death a lot at work and they are all quite matter of fact about it.

Enko · 14/04/2018 20:21

How horrible My dearly loved MIL passed away last month and I think I would have throttled anyone who had responded in that way (no one did everyone were lovely)

I would be rethinking the relationship

LockedOutOfMN · 14/04/2018 20:22

Didn't want to read and run. So sorry for your loss.

Schlimbesserung · 14/04/2018 20:23

That's horrible. Do you think it was deliberate or just clumsy?

snewname · 14/04/2018 20:23

You know him. How was it meant? Was it deliberately cruel or just an unfortunate foot in mouth because don’t know how to react, moment?

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/04/2018 20:24

That is shocking. Have you seen him since the phone call?

I’m so very sorry for your loss. I hope you have other people around you who are more supportive and can look after you Flowers

CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry · 14/04/2018 20:24

Fucking hell op
Flowers

PoorYorick · 14/04/2018 20:25

Is there any chance he was just in shock and blurted it out without thinking? People do sometimes say stupid things when they're shocked.

I'd have to take it in context with what he's usually like.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Angrybird345 · 14/04/2018 20:25

Your oh must have been jealous of your friend. Your oh is a massive twat. Sorry about your friend.

DeathByMascara · 14/04/2018 20:26

I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my darling dad just before Christmas, was with him while he passed. So I know how you feel.

These are very early days, don’t make any rash decisions.

But. I’m not sure how I would get past that reaction. Not just inappropriate & unsympathetic but actually cruel.

DoctorWhatTheFuck · 14/04/2018 20:29
Flowers

What a fucker your DH is. At best suffers from foot in mouth disease. At worst cruel.

SomewhatDisgruntled · 14/04/2018 20:35

You know him, is he a thoughtless twat or did it just come out really badly? Either way it has upset you, but it may be that he's either sadly too accustomed to dealing with death as mentioned by a PP, or was completely thrown and didn't know what to do or say. Please tell him how it made you feel, so that he can (hopefully) apologise and offer sympathy and support. People don't always realise when they've made hurtful comments and only finding out much later prolongs the initial hurt and is also tough on the person who made the comment (as most people don't want to hurt those they love).
You have my condolences, OP, and my admiration for staying with someone you loved as they died.

zzzzz · 14/04/2018 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lizzie48 · 14/04/2018 20:37

I'm so sorry, OP, losing someone close to you is awful. Hugs Thanks

Your OH was definitely totally insensitive. Is this out of character, or does he regularly behave like a twat? Was it someone he was close to?

Mightymucks · 14/04/2018 20:37

Oh that would be distressing. But people do sometimes get a sense when someone has died.

TheHumanMothboy · 14/04/2018 20:38

Perhaps it was the shock? You said it was unexpected.

I'm very sorry for your loss though Thanks

Passmethecrisps · 14/04/2018 20:41

If my dh has said that I would be astonished and very hurt by the lack of empathy. As someone up thread said though if op’s husband is a surgeon maybe who usually talks about death in blunt manner he is still an absolute arse - but at least an expected one

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