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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not understand why this Gumtree seller is so cross at me?

76 replies

ErrrrrNo · 13/04/2018 23:10

Looking at buying some suitcases on GT, exchanges below, was I really rude? (removed Iding details)

ME:
Would it be possible to collect them either tomorrow daytime or Monday daytime?
I'd have to send my parents to collect and they are not too keen on driving at night!!
Thanks again,

Him:
That's great, as long you are happy that they are scuffed on the outside
and whoever collects them will be aware of that too.

We are in ?rather rural I am afraid and a little difficult to find, so if you prefer we can meet at the ? ? / with them, we are happy to do that if that's any help.
Perhaps you could let me know if that's okay and what day and time
Kind regards

ME:
Hi,
Scuffing is no problem, I think I prefer something that doesn't look brand new!
We are used to being hand luggage only types and traveling light, but two children have put paid to that!!
I will check with mum and see what she would rather do and let you know.
Many thanks,

Me:
Just spoken to my Mum and she has said have you got a number or email so she could work out the finer details with you, as its probably;y easier than going through me,
She is ???.com if you would rather contact her direct.
Thanks,
(I went out for 2 hrs now)

HIM:
Mt email is showing and I was going to give you a contact number when you let me know if what I suggested was okay ie: if it was easier for collection from Tesco at ?
and that tomorrow or Monday would be fine and could you let me know which day is best
these are the only details.

HIM: 1 minute later
I need to know if you are serious about them as I have someone else who would like them

HIM: 6 minutes later
I thought what I had suggested was pretty straight forward and helpful to you in that I could bring them as far as Sprowston either tomorrow or Monday at a convenient time for you or whoever is collecting them, but I notice that you have not had the courtesy to acknowledge my offer, I can only assume by that you are not genuine.

ME (back at home 2 hrs later):
Hi,
Really sorry, i had to pop out till now, Gumtree hides emails so you can only reply through gumtree (so I couldn't pass it on to my mum) and my mum hadn't contacted you, sorry if you thought I wasn't being genuine in some way.
I really would like the cases as we are off on holiday soon, and they look pefect.
Sorry I wasn't able to reply straight away.
Are we still able to collect?

Me: 1 hr later
Hi ?
I'm sorry if I didn't reply fast enough earlier but I had to meet a friend at 6.30 which is why I thought it might be easier If yourself and my mum sorted out collection directly, I apologise for not making that clearer.
Gumtree makes a random email address for you

OP posts:
Shizzlestix · 13/04/2018 23:13

Ignore, move on. He’s either misunderstood, confused you with someone else or a bit mad!

ScreamingValenta · 13/04/2018 23:16

I don't think you were rude at all.

The transaction was starting to get slightly complicated with the involvement of your mum, which might have annoyed the seller. My guess would be that the seller got a higher offer for them and used the complication as an excuse to get on his high horse and back out of the sale.

The seller just sounds like a difficult sort of person, TBH.

Deerdear · 13/04/2018 23:19

I can sort of see his point that you sound a bit ditzy and self absorbed in your emails to him and actually I’m a little with him too that you didn’t acknowledge his offer to go out of his way to make things easier for you.

However his later response later are a bit OTT.

You’ve clearly had a miscommunication and I would let it go now.

lattewith3shotsplease · 13/04/2018 23:19

OP,
No, you were not rude at all.

He certainly was.

TheDairyQueen · 13/04/2018 23:20

He sounds a twat.

That's what you get on a site that allows the sale of live animals.

Cicera · 13/04/2018 23:20

Gumtree's awful for shut like this. Put it behind you, OP.

Original poster
ErrrrrNo · 13/04/2018 23:21

I hate being rude and its always a pain that I have to sort out lifts/collections as a non driver so I try and be as easy as possible, he wanted to meet in a carpark so I had to check my (quite old) parents would be ok with that!! Don't think I would have wanted to send them to be honest...

OP posts:
condepetie · 13/04/2018 23:21

Did he offer to bring the items for collection from Tesco in Norwich, as opposed to from his rural home? Your post isn't clear. If he's far out of the city that's a kind offer so I see what he's getting at. Do you want the items or not? He seems to be going out of his way to get them to you?

His anger at your non-response is also understandable as you had been replying quickly beforehand.

Honestly it sounds like he thought you were messing him around with the mum picking up thing. He did try to make it easier for you/mum. You weren't rude, and he was rude, but you were quite short with him in the last message.

CrumbliestFlakiest · 13/04/2018 23:22

It seemed to go south quite quickly but i do agree that you were perhaps overcomplicating things and you donmt acknowledge his offer to make collection easier. He was touchy though.

KnittingOnEmpty · 13/04/2018 23:22

Not rude as such but I think I would have decided to move to the next bidder after you tried to involve your mum..too much hassle thrown into the mix.

TheLastMermaid · 13/04/2018 23:24

OP, you've left a few placenames etc in towards the end of your post that you've obviously attempted to conceal earlier so you might want to report to MN in case it's too identifying. If you're in DM or on The Wright Stuff in the morning, your seller's going to recognise himself and his neighbours will prob recognise him too.

Ruffian · 13/04/2018 23:24

He's gone OTT but I slightly get where he's coming from - he offered to save you trouble by bringing the cases to the pickup spot and instead of saying great let's set a time you sounded as if you might be stalling.

stitchglitched · 13/04/2018 23:25

He was rude but as a seller I'd be pissed off at having to negotiate with your Mum when I'd already been speaking to you.

condepetie · 13/04/2018 23:25

He also has another buyer interested and on gumtree it's first come first serve. If you're not responding, he wants to sell it to someone else who might be available immediately.

You weren't rude, but he has his own interests in mind and you did overcomplicate things.

stitchglitched · 13/04/2018 23:27

Yes if someone messaged him and said I can collect these now I'm sure he'd rather that sale than have to speak to your Mum or meet up somewhere else.

TenancyTroublesAgain · 13/04/2018 23:27

He's a cunt. Move on I would.

Original poster
ErrrrrNo · 13/04/2018 23:27

He never gave the option of collection from his home, just said it was difficult to find/rural so he would possibly bring them to a tesco carpark, I was trying to check with my folks that it would be ok, They were thinking that somewhere closer to him would be easier for both.

OP posts:
dayandnightshapes · 13/04/2018 23:32

Just buy some suitcases from sports direct. Chris and cheerful lasted us 5 years and still going strong

KurriKurri · 13/04/2018 23:33

He offered to bring them to Sprowston - which is on the outskirts of Norwich - so if your Mum is in Norwich she's still got to go a ways to get them. He sounds a right rude tosser and therefore NFN.

Cheeseislife · 13/04/2018 23:36

What a crank. YANBU!

FridayNightDinner · 13/04/2018 23:37

It all sounds a total kerfuffle over a couple of suitcases! Just order some from Argos!

Original poster
ErrrrrNo · 13/04/2018 23:38

They were happy to go to his rural house! He wanted to meet in the carpark (which would normally be a bit of a warning flag for me!!)

OP posts:
Original poster
ErrrrrNo · 13/04/2018 23:39

FridayNightDinner , too right, not worth the small saving and massive hassle!

OP posts:
April229 · 13/04/2018 23:41

OP I think it was the fact that you wanted him to start contacting your mum to sort it all out became quite exasperating, rather than what you have put in your posts to us which was that YOU ‘wanted to check with your folks’ - that’s not what you put to him.

Maybe next time get some times from your parents of when they could collect ahead of time so you can confirm straight away when the items can be collected?

April229 · 13/04/2018 23:43

How is a car park a red flag?? Sending your elderly mum to his rural, miles away from anywhere house, on her own wouldn’t be a flag!? Surely you meant that the other way round? Aren’t you supposed to recommend meeting in populated public places not in a strangers house.