To think that we can't eat one meal as a family?

[MartagonLilies]

3DC.
DC3 (reception)who probably eats a bit too much. She is slightly on the heavier side of her age group and constantly asks for snacks. I wouldn't put her on a diet, or ever mention her weight IRL to anyone, though I do think I need to make healthier choices for her.Not really a meat lover.

DC2 (junior) Has SN, and will not eat any fruit or veg. Not potatoes or beans of any kind either. He's extremely skinny.

DC1 (teen) has developed recent dislike to certain veg, though I think it's fussiness. He'll eat salad and fruit though. Healthy weight.

I'm unwell myself. I'm not sure exactly what's wrong, just have been exhausted for years, and it's being looked into. No one really took me seriously at the Drs and now it's finally being looked into, it's taken ages to sort.
Point is, I'm too tired to cook from scratch most of the time. I do take vitamins and iron supplements as recommend to me on here,and also use a lot of Of frozen onion/ jars of garlic etc as also suggested on MN. Both these help slightly. I also need to lose weight, a few stone.

DH works full time, I am a SAHM. I miss us eating together, I just don't how to do it, taking all the above into consideration. We eat in two sittings now, and sometimes the meals aren't great, TBH, health wise, for any of us.
So AIBU to think it can't be done, and just to continue as things are? Or am I missing something obvious here?

Of course...cook one meal serve it up and tell them thats all their is.

Things I do to save time are..

1. Cook a massive batch of mince and make chilli/ spag bol/ lasagne/cottage pie all in one sitting

2.One pot dishes...ie roast chicken/potatoes and carrots all in one tray. Mederteranean chicken/pork etc...just throw the mixed veg and meat in one pan and cook.

1. Slow cooker

1. Make 2 of something when I cook.

1. Pasta/stir fri/chow mein for quick meals/days add loads of meat and veg. Kids favorite is ranbow carbonara...taglleateli, bag of frozen mixed veg, cooking bacon and precooked chicken, in a jar of white sauce with cheese.

1. Cheat use frozen/pre cut veg or Ready cooked chicken.

But most importantly dont give the children too much choice. If they dont like something then thats fine. But the rules in my house are they have to try everytime. A whole proper spoonful. If they dont like it then I dont force them to eat. But the number of times weve had tears and tantrums because they dont like something ...then after a spoonful they realise they do. Insane

I agree with what you say, I cannot abide fussy eating. My DS2 though, absolutely will not eat certain foods. It'll end in a meltdown from him, and he'll rather not eat at all, rather than put a veg anywhere near him.

I very often cook 3 different meals ; ds doesn’t eat pasta / stews / anything with sauces , dd is coeliac and doesn’t eat any veg , dh and I eat everything except Chinese / Thai . I still dish up everybody’s at the same time , or do variations on the same meal to accommodate everybody .

I feel for you op. Cooking for kids is hard enough, let alone with everything that you’ve described.
Sorry I don’t have much advice to give.... but I hope you feel better soon.

Could you do deconstructed meals with stuff in the middle for people to serve themselves? You could serve your youngest, making sure she's got some of everything, then let the older two serve themselves? So do mince in sauce, garlic bread, pasta, veg separate and they take the bits they like? Or roast veg potatoes, meat, etc. Always have something you know your middle dc will eat on the table?

Diet affects a lot of things, particularly energy levels; a doctor will often ask sufferers of chronic fatigue to look at what they are eating.
I think you are understandably quite overwhelmed by this and can't see the wood for the trees.

A few ideas:

• snacks - make what your dd (and the others) is having better. Other than the obvious re fruit/veg sticks/ rice cakes, mine loves 'fruit sticks' (bear claws style, but most supermarkets do their own version). They count as one of your five a day and I have yet to meet a child who doesn't like them. 'fruit pots' (those little pots of mango/mixed fruit etc in fruit juice - make sure not in syrup) likewise. If you have to have biscuits in the house make them rich teas which are as low fat, low sugar as they come. Sugar free jelly- either buy ready made or make your own (to which you csn add fruit like blue berries). Hard boiled eggs last a week in the fridge and are also good snack.

Easy meal ideas that involve v little prep:

• roast chicken, salad, french stick. Oven on 200, put chicken in roasting tray and bung in oven for about an hour. Open bag of salad and put in bowl. Have bottle of olive oil and red wine or balsamic vinegar on table, people maje own dressing. Serve with a French stick. You can obviously do this meal with anything- steak, sausages, roast pork, salmon.
• pasta/gnocchi, pesto & salad.

-pps idea of carbonara very good, I use low fat crème fraiche to make anything into a creamy sauce.

• the mince idea is great- you can hide lots of goodies in the sauce. Blitz veg eg celery carrot and courgette in food processor to add to the sauce.Anything with cooked tomatoes in it is big vitamin boost, so spag bok or chilli this way is good. Quorn is cheaper than beef mince if cost is an issue.

-own chicken nuggets - pack of diced chicken breasts. Crack egg into bowl and mix with fork to break yolk. Pack of natural bread crumbs (in Lidl these are very cheap) - put some in another bowl. Put chicken in egg, then into bowl of breadcrumbs. Onto lightly greased baking tray and in oven.

• pizza quesadilla - one whole one for adults/teenager, younger ones can share one. For one quesadilla two tortilla wraps, spread one with tomato purée and add pizza toppings, top with second wrap. Fry in non stick pan until cheese melted (about three mins). I construct mine in the pan as easier to manage. I usually use slices of edam.
• bags of salad are your friend as are prepared veg and frozen veg. Salad more so as literally tip in bowl and serve. Add cherry tomatoes too. I like adding diced mango and blue berries to a salad too for a bit more interest and zero prep.

You can get lots of frozen veg which you can bung in oven with drizzle of oil and a sprinkling of dry herbs and you have roast veg which can go with lump of roast meat. Roast meat with potatoes round it. Like a pp said, put in the centre of table and let people take what they want - just make sure that there is something in each meal that someone will eat. I worry about what we eat, but I look at the bigger picture over a week rather than each day. I would also think about vitamin supplements for your son who doesn't eat any fruit/veg- speak to doc about this. Hope that helps!

I think try and make things where your fussiest eater can still eat some of it so make something tbat everyone likes parts of it. like spaghetti Bolognese then if one doesn't like the sauce can have the pasta with cheese. You could also do hidden veg pasta sauce a d blend totally smooth of they will eat that. What about things like stews they could just eat the parts that they will have and then something else on the side. Omelettes are quick and easy and stir fry would they just have the meat and noodles ? So rather than making all different meals just make one but make sure there is something for them to eat and put something else they like on the side

I tried. I meal planned (well, used one that was in the Austerity Housekeeping book)
I lovingly marinated chicken thighs and drumsticks in lemon juice, olive oil, garlic, rosemary & black pepper. I boiled new potatoes, and made carrots in a butter sauce.
DH laid the table nicely, set out jugs of water etc and we all sat around the table together.
DS1 'found the chicken rather odd', and that I know he doesn't like carrots, DS2 didn't touch his veg and DD just shouted about how she'd had a school dinner, and so only wanted a sandwich tea

I'm chronically ill with autoimmune diseases, dh doesn't eat until late due to work, dd is locked in her room and vegetarian and DS is ASD. I would love us to all to eat together and the same thing but I've scrapped that for the sake of my sanity. I'd rather eat different things at different times and not want to weep.

We spent half of last year living on microwave meals to get us through and I have no shame whatsoever. We did what needed doing at the time.

I feel your pain op I have three dc 2 with add needs and my eldest is quite fussy too. I often end up cooking four meals just for some peace and the fact I want them to eat. I do however make sure we sit together on a Sunday when and if u do a roast dinner even if they have chicken nuggets etc it's very difficult when no one eats the same. I have tried slow cooker etc and trying to do one meal for all. There are a couple of things I can do like pasta and meatballs and one will eat pasta no meatballs the other will eat pasta no sauce with peas and the third will scoff the lot. It's a pain in the arse but I just want them to eat and the whole it's this or nothing simply doesn't work with some children especially those with additional needs

DS1 'found the chicken rather odd', and that I know he doesn't like carrots, DS2 didn't touch his veg and DD just shouted about how she'd had a school dinner, and so only wanted a sandwich tea

You really are taking this too much to heart. I'd put that down as an average day, 2 of them moaned a bit then ate it. The other fussy one ate the bits he liked. My DC often moan about what's for tea, I just take no notice. It's not a hotel.

Why are you allowing your DC to be so rude to you ?
If mine said that and shouted they would be sent to bed at that age !

I agree with teatea, that doesn’t sound a disaster at all.

I’d go with deconstructed meals and make sure that everyone has at least one item on the table they are willing to eat. Relax and let them get on with it.

Will the middle kid eat rice or pasta or any veg?
As long as they sit down with us, they can have just a glass of water.
It just seems like OP could cook what kids1&3 eat & sub any offending foods for what Kid2 does eat (simple substitute, like fish fingers or rice).

No treat without veg though.

I agree why are you allowing them t behave like this? They are children and you the parent, they will eat what’s provided for them and do not tolerate them complaint and certainly not shouting about the meal you’ve provided for them! In return make sure there’s someth8ng there that everyone will eat...with respect you have a parenting problem not a cooking problem here.

You are full to the brim of excuses so why ask for advice? It is shameful that you have an overweight child. Please do make healthier choices for her. She is too little to do it herself.

@Calvin, I'll bite. Please do share something I've said, that just an excuse? I'm asking for advice in order to take it. Just like I have before, when I've posted asking for suggestions.

when my kids were little and moaned about certain veg I invested in a veg chopper which cuts vegetables into such tiny pieces that they are unregcognisable. If you mix them into a nice bolognaise or something you can get all sorts of veg into everyone without them ever knowing!!!

I think you may need to lower your expectations. It’s a tough call expecting 5 people to all eat and all enjoy the same dinner every day, when they’re still at an age of fussiness and/or have SN.

I too think “deconstructed” meals are the way for you (growing up we just used to call that “dinner”!).

Think in food groups: make a protein, make some vegetables (mix them up), make a carbohydrate. Put them in dishes in middle of table. Everyone takes as much as they want of whatever they want.

You’ll find you always have leftovers to recycle and add to for subsequent dinners.

Remember protein doesn’t have to be meat: lentils, legumes etc all count.

Mix up the vegetables: roast them, steam them, salad, put them in a soup.

Carbs: potatoes, breads, pasta, couscous, sweet potatoes etc.

Mostly don’t expect everyone to enjoy everything. But you can expect everyone to sit down to eat together, and leave the table not hungry.

MartagonLilies apologies. There is an excellent book called ‘French kids don’t throw food’ it talks a lot about their approach to food and fussy eaters. It could help. Do you get your kids involved in cooking? Make your own pizza with salad and toppings? I know it’s hard but it your to you to lead the change. Good luck.

OP, I completely understand the desire to want to feed your family with food that will nourish their souls as well as their bodies - where everyone will tuck in and say "mum, that was so delicious!". It can happen, and it probably will happen, but for now the key is to lower expectations. The important thing is that everyone's around the table and as long as everyone's had something vaguely nutritious, it will be fine. Eating together is a habit, which develops over time.

One thing I would suggest is not allowing snacking, or allow just one small snack after school and that's it until dinner. If kids are genuinely hungry when they sit down to dinner, they'll be more inclined to tuck into what's on offer.

Also, please don't tolerate that kind of rudeness. You don't deserve it, and you need to let them know it's not on.
Good luck.

Keep everything plain for a while. Make the portions smaller but have seconds. Have a tempting treat for after that you only get if you finish. Think by giving in you are setting yourself up for fussiness. Apple and peanut butter is a great snack.

This all sounds very familiar.
I now have 2 vegetarians and one would misses meat.
Fish was a compromise, until the fish eating veggie decided not to eat fish.
You can juggle things.
you can ring the changes.
try different foods.
serve them differently.

lighten up,
when mine were younger sometimes I would get the video camera out, for fun, which would take their mind off their unwanted veggies and they ate!

good idea about getting them involved in the cooking.

OP, I completely understand the desire to want to feed your family with food that will nourish their souls as well as their bodies - where everyone will tuck in and say "mum, that was so delicious!". It can happen, and it probably will happen, but for now the key is to lower expectations. The important thing is that everyone's around the table and as long as everyone's had something vaguely nutritious, it will be fine. Eating together is a habit, which develops over time.

Yeah, like in films

I send mine away from the table if they are rude about the food at dinner. But I can still tell what they think by the looks on their faces when I tell them in the kitchen what it is and omission. So if it's their favourite they show enthusiasm, but otherwise you just get a slightly disappointed 'oh'.