To think that we can't eat one meal as a family?

[MartagonLilies]

3DC.
DC3 (reception)who probably eats a bit too much. She is slightly on the heavier side of her age group and constantly asks for snacks. I wouldn't put her on a diet, or ever mention her weight IRL to anyone, though I do think I need to make healthier choices for her.Not really a meat lover.

DC2 (junior) Has SN, and will not eat any fruit or veg. Not potatoes or beans of any kind either. He's extremely skinny.

DC1 (teen) has developed recent dislike to certain veg, though I think it's fussiness. He'll eat salad and fruit though. Healthy weight.

I'm unwell myself. I'm not sure exactly what's wrong, just have been exhausted for years, and it's being looked into. No one really took me seriously at the Drs and now it's finally being looked into, it's taken ages to sort.
Point is, I'm too tired to cook from scratch most of the time. I do take vitamins and iron supplements as recommend to me on here,and also use a lot of Of frozen onion/ jars of garlic etc as also suggested on MN. Both these help slightly. I also need to lose weight, a few stone.

DH works full time, I am a SAHM. I miss us eating together, I just don't how to do it, taking all the above into consideration. We eat in two sittings now, and sometimes the meals aren't great, TBH, health wise, for any of us.
So AIBU to think it can't be done, and just to continue as things are? Or am I missing something obvious here?

I didn't do snacks for my DD between meals or anywhere near the next meal unless the last meal had been eaten.It reduced pickiness f she was hungry at mealtimes.
There must be something that everyone eats,as others say make meals with things in dishes in the middle of the table and they help themselves.Get your children to think if meals too.
I hope the cause of your tiredness if found soon but even in perfect health I'd find this tiring.
With summer approaching I'd definitely go for more crusty bread,salad plus something combo suggested before.

Does your DC2 eat rice, wraps, flatbreads, pasta?

How about traybake recipes where everything goes in a roasting tin, and the kids can just pick out the bits they like? This also keeps the cooking chores to a minimum.

sausage traybake

chicken chickpea traybake

winter chicken traybake.

Less washing up too! There's hundreds of these traybake recipes on the Internet, you could start quite plain and build up the flavours.

Thanks so much, this is helpful. I'm going to make a bit of a plan, based on these. Tray bakes, deconstructed meals, get the DC to have more of an input.
DC1 came up with a list of meals that has sure they'll all eat, no problem.

The tips for DD are appreciated, I just want to say, she's not obese, or even extremely fat. She's in a position where she could get therr, if the way I feed her carries on. Which is why I'm wanting to make healthier choices for her.
My DS's manage to eat what ever amount they choose, without it affecting them, so I didn't really think about it, until I needed to.

That he's sure they'll eat

Oh, and yes, PP's are right. The DC were quite rude in how they spoke to us, so I will be making sure they don't get away with that any longer.
They are quite lazy too I think, around the house. although that's a whole other thread...

However they do change. What they dont like one day they probably will like another op

There's things like hidden vegetable pasta and other dishes that disguise veg for fussy eaters, have a Google and see if anything like that helps

Amazing what you can hide away in a lasagne or Bolognese style ragu Op.

How about Spanish omelettes done in minutes and you can pack them with all sorts.

One meal only though. Do you all sit together?

HI op , you sound like you are working very hard for them.

BUT they sound rather ungrateful!

I would make a list( for myself) of all the possible meals that Most would like, with additions that are quick to try and accomodate variations, every 5 days pick 5 of those meals buy ingredients, and cook them.

No family meal should have to be complicated so try setting yourself a limit of no more than say, 15 mins prep,15 mins cooking time.

A s for fussiness, cook the above with easy variations, then tell them calmly thats all there is. No snacking after.

In my house not eating vegetables, means no dessert. ( although l avoid cooking a couple of really disliked veg) I serve at least 3 steamed vegetables with each meal.Like you l don't mention weight just that vegetables and lean meat give you energy and strength and biscuits just give you sugar which may taste nice, but gives you body no energy.

Toughen up op, as you need to take care of yourself too, not run yourself ragged. Remind them some children don't have the luxurey of good food on the table every night, or any food at all.

Agree, tougher love Op

Tell them 'food is fuel'

OP, this does sound difficult and I know feeding kids and a husband day in day out can be exhausting.

In your case, could you do something like "Taco Tuesday" or "Fajita Friday?" Put some tacos or whole meal wraps on the table. Salad, cheese, chicken, prawns, rice, or any combination that you think they will go for. Then just let them sit round and make their own? Then you can introduce something new each week - salsa, guacamole, pinto / black beans and you never know, they might give it a go?

You know when you're in holiday and there's a buffet that makes life do much easier? I've found my kids like it if they can help themselves from the middle if the table and there are options, rather than being given a set thing.

Do you have a nutribullet or something like that? Even the one who doesn't like fruit, may find he likes blitzing his own juice, if he sees the others doing it? I leave strawberries, blueberries, bananas out with skimmed milk and let them do their own. It's a mess, but at least they get the vitamins in one go. You can add protein powder too.

Are eggs a common denominator? You can do egg noodles for the non- veg eaters and then add veg or meat as appropriate for the others?

Even make your own pizza night does not have to be too unhealthy and may encourage them to try a new veg or something?

I think you need to be realistic. If they have the odd sandwich tea that’s easy for you and they are happy too eg sandwich, fruit, yogurt, biscuit.

I have dc with special needs and accept that we can’t eat together. I do sit with them to keep everything calm but don’t actually eat as if I take my eye off the ball it can end in disaster. My dc like making the drinks, laying everything out etc and serving themselves. They can do simple things like make a salad ie bung everything in a bowl.

One of my dc has become so fussy that she claims she doesn’t like something she has always liked so I put her dinner on separate plates and say, have it if you want eg cottage pie on one plate and beans on another. It sounds ridiculous but she always eats it all.

If you have average children you can be strict about mealtimes but in your case (and mine) you have to work around them and it helps alleviate the stress.

If mine are rude about what is on the table their tea goes in the bin and they get nothing else that night (I've actually only had to do this once). I appreciate your ds2 has to be treated differently because his aversions are so strong but your other two can certainly learn "eat it or leave it, no comment required". It would also be good for them to learn that eating food you don't particularly like, or don't particularly fancy that night, won't kill you. Sitting at a table moaning that you don't like it is only for very small children indeed.

It is hard if you have very fussy eaters. I sometimes end up cooking three variations of meals which can be tiring but often I just get one of them to cook a meal that they would like for themselves, DH and I while I cook a different meal for the other. Can your teen cook yet? I think that will help.

It would also be good for them to learn that eating food you don't particularly like, or don't particularly fancy that night, won't kill you. Sitting at a table moaning that you don't like it is only for very small children indeed.

My dds would end up very thin if I did that and I don't think they would do so well at school if they were too hungry to do homework.

Oh OP I'm glad you've got some helpful suggestions from this thread - you sounded so under the cosh at the start

I think tray bakes / serve yourself dinners sound like your answer. Fajitas always go down well here too

My 3 are all grown up and left home, they manage their own fussyness now 1 who rate everything is now vegan. 1 who was fussy about foods touching foods is the same. One who only eat anything in breadcrumbs is a real foodie. I cooked different meals but I was a childminder ( the minded children were fussy too) so was home more than others. Although I cooked different food it was based around the same meal. Don't take it to heart ask the children to write down what they like and try to get them involved. The thing I think I would tackle 1st is the youngest, as they get older they can alter their tastes but an overweight child can turn into an over weight adult. With summer on the doorstep things will get easier with picnic food and salad bits.

I had 5 for Sunday dinner, ended up cooking 4 different meals. Myself and Dh had salmon, couscous with veg and a feta and beetroot salad. My ds24 is vegetarian so he had sun dried tomato falafel with the couscous and salad and one of the younger ones had a huge bowl of plan pasta and ham and the other one had pasta with a sauce, salad and sausages.

Last night I did chicken, peppers, onions and tomatoes in a tomato and basil sauce with pasta and everyone ate the bits that suited them i.e ds had plain pasta and some chicken and dd didn't have the green peppers.

I just try and make sure they get the food groups where possible although youngest ds would survive on carbs alone. They are very fit though and train and play matches 5 or 6 times a week.

It can get tiring especially when out at work all day and going to the effort of preparing something nice for them to turn their noses up at it.

Ds would eat plain pasta every day so sometimes I just give him a bowl of it as I can't be arsed with the drama.

I usually end up cooking three variations of a meal or more and it is exhausting. DS1 wont eat anything with tomato sauce, DS2 wont eat mince or most veg, DH wont eat fish and Im vegetarian. I am aware with the vegetarian bit I have sort of brought it on myself however I was veggie well before DCs. Apart from anything else it takes up a lot more time. The ONLY thing everyone will eat together is macaroni cheese with veg in it, and then only peas and sweetcorn.

However, keep trying its the fussiness - my eldest tried pasta with tomato sauce recently for the first time in over 3 years and now will tolerate it - although only a bit of sauce and only on pasta - small steps!

For the non-veg eaters especially the little one - I did a food course online about hiding vegetables (not just whizzing them into a tomato sauce which doesn't work if your kid doesn't eat tomatoes!), and Ive also got a chart they can tick for 5 a day and a rainbow fruit and veg chart to try and encourage them to try different veg. Would this work with your girl in reception? My 6 year old loves tick charts, stickers etc so if we do this for a week he is actually asking me for fruit and veg!

Its really hard when you are ill to manage everything. I would lower your expectations a bit and try and focus on changing one small thing a week.

Just get through the week however you can and make a roast chicken with separate veg and bread every Sunday.

I serve everything in the middle of the table. I don't consider my DC/SDC fussy but they do all have preferences so offering several things means less worry for me.
It sounds as if you are beating yourself up OP. Don't.
If you are worried about the amount of food that your DD is eating perhaps decrease the amount of carbs she eats so that her blood sugar is more stable and she gets less hungry. Also look at giving her drinks when she asks for snacks: thirst often manifests as hunger. The other one is habit: my youngest (13 now) used to ask for snacks if she wanted some attention/was bored. These are little tweaks rather than a big change, so she shouldn't notice a difference.
DS1 needs to learn to be polite: as long as there's something he likes he shouldn't be moaning about the bit he isn't keen on. It's rude and you can tell him so. All of mine went through a brief period in preteens of saying they didn't like certain foods when what they meant was 'it isn't one of my favourite foods'. Eating a spoon of carrots won't do him harm, especially if it's accompanied by a spoon of cauliflower or whatever he does like.
Your SN child is the only one you may need to 'trick' into getting the nutrients he needs. A multivitamin/mineral tablet might make you feel better and worry less. Meanwhile fill him up with protein and bread/pasta if that's all he'll eat.
For yourself: add in loads of veg to all the meals. You'll feel better and DD/DS1 will also get the benefit.
Good luck and try not to worry.

my DC can be a nightmare at dinner times and complain about meals all the time I just ignore them and they eat it, I'm quite surprised actually at all the different types of good they've eaten but it isn't easy, they still whinge every dinner time and I have to breathe slowly to make sure I don't explode!
Mine don't have SN but are just fussy so I appreciate it's a lot easier.
As other PP have suggested make different variations of the same thing,
e.g Spanish tortilla, you can put anything you want in there, same with lasagne, make one with meat no veg then add veg and less meat for the other one.
You do need a bit of tough love, it makes life a lot easier.

I tried. I meal planned (well, used one that was in the Austerity Housekeeping book)
I lovingly marinated chicken thighs and drumsticks in lemon juice, olive oil, garlic, rosemary & black pepper. I boiled new potatoes, and made carrots in a butter sauce.
DH laid the table nicely, set out jugs of water etc and we all sat around the table together.
DS1 'found the chicken rather odd', and that I know he doesn't like carrots, DS2 didn't touch his veg and DD just shouted about how she'd had a school dinner, and so only wanted a sandwich tea sad

That's shocking, and I'm glad you've realised how rude they were!

It sounds like you could do with implementing some kind of giving thanks at the start of the meal. Not in a religious way. But teaching them basic manners now that they'll need as an adult. When you sit down to eat a meal someone else has taken the time to cook for you, you say thank you, express gratitude, and do your best to eat it. You don't express your dislike of what they've made you! It should be routine to say 'thanks, mum, this looks lovely/like it took a lot of time'. Even your youngest can get into the habit.

Have you thought about asking your teen to do the family meal one night per week? It'll help him develop his cooking skills and give him an appreciation of what you do for them.

I find it helps to keep a few white boards around in the kitchen. One for the meal plan for the week, one for groceries that I've ran out of, but most importantly one with a list of the most common meals you cook, so when you're doing the meal plan you have a menu to choose from and don't overlook/skip including meals that you last made a while ago and have forgotten about. Get the kids to nominate their five favourite meals each and put them on there too. Make it a compromise, some nights you will cook what they like, and others they'll eat what you like.

I think you need to start asserting yourself, you're not a skivvy or a waitress taking orders. You deserve respect. Being young is no excuse for such appalling manners and they'll do it for as long as they can get away with it. I second PP suggestion that any whining or rudeness is met with the meal being taken away (not binned, that's wasteful, and if they apologise sincerely and without being promoted they can have it back). They will soon realise that the pain of going to bed ravenously hungry is a strong negative reinforcement!

The people here saying they don't tolerate fussy eaters obviously don't have children with ASD who would starve before eating food they can't stand due to sensory issues (I have ASD and i speak from personal experience 3 days without food as parents kept bringing out the same meal i refused to eat fish pie.) I am a pretty good eater but there are certain foods i cannot stomach and would have a meltdown eating them and parents where of the school that you eat what you were given and nothing else if you did not eat it at lunch in the fridge it went for dinner and so on.

SN are nothing like fussy eaters so stop suggesting starving the children to make them eat it as if they have ASD they will more likely just starve themselves then eat it.

Would dc1 cook a meal a week? If they have come up with a list they seem reasonably keen. Might give you a break plus the others might eat something cooked by them for novelty value. I sympathise. I have one fussy DD and my son will eat almost anything. We do eat together but the only rule is they have to try everything - just a forkful - before they leave it and no mosning, if they then don't like it they leave it on plate (have to admit mixed success with this one but they are only five). My DD will spend ages moaning then try something and eat it all . I also have to put her food in separate bowls quite often so she will eat it. Appreciate this might not be the case for yours, especially the special needs one.