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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wonder why retired parents live in big houses and don't help family?

740 replies

Dojos · 12/04/2018 21:20

Not judging the choice but i can't help finding it odd that you can have two sets off grandparents living in and owning several properties and adult children both in full
Time work struggling to make ends meet.

Bright enough and big hearted enough to know inheritance is a gift not a right, and rightly so. I'm just curious how parents can sleep In 5 bedroom homes they don't need at night whilst their good steady grown up kids struggle a whole Gang into a 2 or 3 bed semi.

I guess that applies further - why do the elderly generation not downside and keep the lifecycle of a family home going?

OP posts:
DairyisClosed · 13/04/2018 13:15

@Bluelady my in laws who are not even seventy yet use the NHS far more than my children. Both have chronic conditions one requiring hospital treatment on an every other day basis. Both completely self inflicted. You underestimate the number of people who eat, smoke and, drink themselves into ill health at an early age because they know that they won't have to pay for it.

umpteennamechanges · 13/04/2018 13:17

Because their children are adults and it's entirely reasonable to expect that they manage their own life and finances as well as working out how many children they can afford and comfortably house?

GreenTulips · 13/04/2018 13:17

I can see the government are now noticing this injustice and will soon address it if they wish to be voted in by their future voters, and not the old and dying voters that will only look after themselves

MOST of the younger generation don't vote - MOST of the older generation DO vote

The government ONLY needs the most votes to win - so who are they going to devise policies for??

IF the younger generation want change - they need to vote - doesn't matter who for - because policies aren't currently designed for them - but VOTE

Make thebpolititions stand up and notice you ARE voting so they HAVE to tailor polices for you

Bluelady · 13/04/2018 13:17

That's one couple, Dairy. It illustrates perfectly why all these generalisations are meaningless.

umpteennamechanges · 13/04/2018 13:20

I actually think it's bizarre that adults these days expect any kind of handouts or financial help from their parents...

What's happened to adults standing on their own two feet and being responsible for themselves and their finances?

And I'm 35, not one of the elder generation. I read posts like this and wonder what's made my generation such....well....weaklings Confused

GreenTulips · 13/04/2018 13:23

What's happened to adults standing on their own two feet and being responsible for themselves and their finances?

Let's see - mortgages requiring two incomes (rather than just the one)
O/S university fees/loans £30K anyone?
Childcare costs of up to £100 per DAY per CHILD
Extortionate cost old living gas bills electricity bills council tax food costs petrol bus fare train fare

We haven't even looked at luxuries!

DairyisClosed · 13/04/2018 13:24

@blue lady, they are typical of the over sixties know. They also make full use of bus passes etc. And these are wealthy people. And just like you they have pull out the 'but we paid in' crap. Incase you hadn't noticed the taxes you paid were spent a long time ago. In order the pay for the services your generation are using not only my generation but my children's generation (as a result of borrowing) are being forced to pay for it. It sucks that you were lied to but that doesn't make it OK to expect other people to pay for your needs. I certainly don't. I know that the more you take from the state the more it will take from you and your children.

MarshaBradyo · 13/04/2018 13:25

I know my parents and pils ‘did their time’ with a young family and working hard

Yes they are enjoying financial ease now but so they should.

umpteennamechanges · 13/04/2018 13:26

@GreenTulips

Welcome to life!

Like I said. I'm 35....whatever the economic realities are, I would never expect my parents to give me anything.

TammySwansonTwo · 13/04/2018 13:28

It is quite amazing how completely oblivious people can be to the economic situation affecting their own children. The idea that hard work means guaranteed financial stability and home ownership is utterly ludicrous in the current climate.

Skatingfastonthinice · 13/04/2018 13:28

I’m not denying the benefits of uni 40 years ago, but it was harder to get in for most, academically more rigorous and so far fewer did it.
Yes, there are a lot of unhealthy people around, but that’s a good thing, isn’t it? Reform the nhs to the frontline service it was intended as; more people die at threescore years and ten or earlier, problem of aging pensioners needing support and occupying houses solved.
Or is the obesity/lifestyle issue and dying earlier than your parents a millennial thing?

puppower · 13/04/2018 13:28

Think before you type.

You really should, how many young people do you think are on benefits? Of course many baby boomers have paid less into the system than they take out, plus we have a aging population.

I’m fine, in my 30s & on the London housing market. Never received free uni education, housing benefit, tax credits or child benefit plus I have an ok public sector pension. I’ve also been a higher rate of tax payer for a number of years and DH is now. However I’m not blinkered that my good fortune is more a circumstance of my birth and future generations have it so much harder.

umpteennamechanges · 13/04/2018 13:28

@GreenTulips

And our parents and grandparents lived through rationing, times of mass unemployment, 15% interest rates, the three day week, etc.

Every generation has challenging times. Why are our generation (assuming you're roughly my age) such babies about it?

Bluelady · 13/04/2018 13:29

They're nothing like me and my friends. We don't put many demands on the NHS, most of us don't even have a bus pass, let alone use one. We all pay tax, just like you, we'll all pay tax until the day we die. We'll all quite rightly pay for our own care if we need it.

Teateaandmoretea · 13/04/2018 13:35

I never ever understand the hand wringing over bus passes. Surely it's a good thing to encourage people to use buses off peak rather than driving around in cars regardless of income?

Checklist · 13/04/2018 13:38

Greentulips - the bottom 50% of the population still get more out the welfare state than they put in!

Only the top 5 - 10% of the population could even go to university! What would you prefer 5 - 10% with a chance of free university, or 50% with student loans?

When I started work, standard rate income tax was 33% and the top rate of tax was 98%! For those of us, paying 15% mortgage interest, what luxuries do you think there were? Coffee shops all over the high street, smart phones, computers, cheap new cars on PCPs, foreign holidays, a new HD TV or whatever....

puppower · 13/04/2018 13:39

One reason the gov introduced the 30 hours subsidised childcare because for many people who are eligible the gov collect more in taxes from the mothers wages then if the mother just gave up her job.

gillybeanz · 13/04/2018 13:46

I think the older generations just got on with it, understood that their circumstances were just their lot in life and didn't look for someone to blame because their life wasn't perfect.
They made use and mended stuff, lived quite frugally and can now spend their money and reap the benefits.
it's a terrible state of affairs where a generation is so blaming of the previous generations, it solves nothing.

Bluelady · 13/04/2018 14:01

Although I'm getting exceedingly tired of saying this, most pps seem to be completely failing to recognise that all of us apparently bloated with wealth pensioners are also tax payers. The only thing we don't pay, if we no longer work, is NI and the employers of working pensioners still have to pay their share of that.

The source of all those links is one, slightly dubious report from an organisation called The Resolution Foundation. I'd like to see something from a more credible source before I'm convinced.

MrsJackHackett · 13/04/2018 14:03

Jon bless you. Who's the entitled one again?

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 13/04/2018 14:13

I mean my parents are pretty wealthy. They live in a nice house in an expensive area. I've been classed as homeless, now have a council house in a bit of a dodgy area. I still don't expect my parents to pay for me. In fact when money has been involved in the past it has been with conditions and not done anyone any good. I do hope that my kids do better than me though, I hope to help out as much as I can, and be an involved grandparent.

jnfrrss · 13/04/2018 14:31

I think the older generations just got on with it, understood that their circumstances were just their lot in life and didn't look for someone to blame because their life wasn't perfect.
They made use and mended stuff, lived quite frugally and can now spend their money and reap the benefits.
it's a terrible state of affairs where a generation is so blaming of the previous generations, it solves nothing.

And your really solving something with that attitude?!

Xenia · 13/04/2018 14:35

It is so hard to compare though isn't it? 85% of people with so called free university education were not able to go to university so for all except a very very few there was not free university education. There was a job when you left school at 15 or 16 if you lucky in a day without minimum wage. Even if you did go as I did only half the cost was funded. The other cost (the rent etc) my parents had to work very hard to fund as tehre was no loans in those days - now there are loans so there is less up front cross now than there was then. My cuncle's 1936 university fees by the way were the same adjusted for inflation as in 2018.

A lot of people here seem to know some veyr rich older people. I am not sure that is that typical across the uk., Whilst people have always tended to have a bit more money once they no longer have to support their children and they get promotions at work, in some areas of the country the older people are very badly off renting properties and with only their state pension possibly with some pension credit to top them up(we have family in Sunderland etc - they definitely do not have 4 homes and private incomes even if of boomer age).

Yogafailure · 13/04/2018 14:49

I'm sort of on both sides 🙈

I find this attitude of expecting parents to move/downsize/alter their lives for their dc bizarre, (although in the future we may well do it because WE WANT TO). Maybe because my generation in my family (not a millennial or a baby boomer) are the first ones who will be left money/property? I lost my dad a few years ago and my mum lives around the corner in the house that dad designed and built himself. I have no designs on my half of that house or the money that may come my way I'd prefer her to live forever, thanks. My MIL is such hard work holding "her will" over her dcs that DH has told her where to shove her will. We'll continue to do it ourselves, as we expected to.

We have a 4 bed 3 bath bungalow in a wee village without any amenities. My dcs (late teens) have been on 2 foreign holidays in their lives, we don't have new cars, we rarely go out for meals etc. All our money and most of our wages has gone on buying, extending and paying off this house. 5 years to go and it will be paid off, hopefully. DH and I have already spoken about downsizing once the dc are older and giving them some money now, whilst we are still here. I don't really want to pay the council tax and other bills on this size of house just for DH and I to rattle around in.