AIBU to wonder why retired parents live in big houses and don't help family?

[Dojos]

Not judging the choice but i can't help finding it odd that you can have two sets off grandparents living in and owning several properties and adult children both in full
Time work struggling to make ends meet.

Bright enough and big hearted enough to know inheritance is a gift not a right, and rightly so. I'm just curious how parents can sleep In 5 bedroom homes they don't need at night whilst their good steady grown up kids struggle a whole Gang into a 2 or 3 bed semi.

I guess that applies further - why do the elderly generation not downside and keep the lifecycle of a family home going?

I agree with OP. I know a few elderly people who have downsized. They have moved to smaller houses far more appropriate for themselves with respect to access (no stairs or steps), heating, maintenance and so on. I don't know if they did this to free up money to pass on offspring, but I do think downsizing in a practical solution to the problems of ageing.

I wonder at the reluctance of most older people. I wonder if it is a UK-centred obsession (English man's home is his castle thing). Or a national myth based on 'working all your life'...For many young families, large-house ownership won't be a 'right' they have for working hard all their lives..

I agree with you @Dojos
I can’t wait to sell my big, hard to maintain, be-gardened, hard to heat white elephant of a house and move into a nice small warm flat with a balcony. And I’ll certainly not be sitting on the proceeds, but giving it to the dc.

Flytipper I can’t help but think it’s a status thing too. Status was very important to BB generation and often defined by property. However as they grow older I think their is an element of health status as well as wealth status and people aren’t willing to give that up until they have to.

I agree with OP - sorry but life is tougher for young families today than it has been for baby boomers.... So many reasons why but I have a baby on my lap and don't have time to type . It's the older generation who are entitled IMO

The thing is, my parents are only late 50’s/early 60’s. They’ve got maybe 20-30 years left to pay for, which could involve costly care. If they downsized and gave their money to us (and we ploughed it into a larger house for us), how would that care be paid for?

SoyDora By the state. Or more specifically all those selfish tax laying millennials.

Well, we’ll never get it right will we.

Every generation will blame the one before and decide it was easier.

Falmer you make me think of that ‘playing chess with a pigeon’ analogy.

The value of the homes in question is also set to plummet for those who are holding out imo because:

1. many B.B. are still healthy into their 70s but over the next 10 years health issues will force many to sell at the same time so a wall of large family properties will hit the market

2. if a govt introduces a lifetime cap on care costs then likewise you might see people selling to pass money on to children because the need to keep for care it seems less. I think caution and cynicism need to be urged on this one though as it seems to be a political lever rather than a universal right

3. real term wages are still way behind inflation, property prices aren’t budging much and interest rates are going up so the demand for these properties will also be low.

Excess supply + reduced demand = plummeting prices

I’d be selling now if I were them. At least developers are still looking to snap up land now that housing targets have become such a prominent issue on the political agenda

Depends which sacrifices you're willing to make doesn't it, including moving somewhere affordable if that's what it takes

Yes, often it does and sacrifice is something previous generations understood and accepted.

I think very few live within their means now as well. So no sacrifices, no compromises and having to have everything NOW doesn't help matters.

NotTakenUserName actually you’re not entirely correct. The state won’t pay for the quality of care provision or facility that the parent would have done if they had kept the house / proceeds of sale. The state will only pay for basic level of care and believe me it’s appalling in some cases. Most older people know this and want to give themselves the option of best possible quality of life by paying for it if they have the chance to.

Just answering the OP's first post, haven't read the full thread.

Because they've already spent a fortune raising their kids. Why should they do without, all over again, for kids that are now adults?

So parents work hard all thier lives, look after thier kids and then give everything over to them when they finally retire?

Stop being grabby and buy your own house

Some do help and have the large house so family can stay. Some larger houses are also more easily adapted for elderly living, wet rooms etc.

My ILs downsized to a 1 bedroom place not long after their youngest moved out to live in a bed-sit at 17.

Now it’s their children who subsidise their lifestyle!

Sharing some of their wealth with their family that was acquired mainly by being born at the right time is "giving it all away" and "doing without*?

Tigerpit you should RTFT, there are some interesting viewpoints. Most notably it’s the enormous accumulation of unearned (and untaxed actually) wealth that has built up in property over the past 30 years which is in the hands of the older generation at the expense of the younger generation. This specific issues has really got nothing to do with how hard they worked or how much they paid to raise kids. You’ll see from my posts that I don’t necessarily think that it’s the older generations moral duty to distribute it either.

Whatever happens, I think we can all agree that the state will get it eventually whether that’s through keeping care cost threshold low, reducing NHS services or taxes like IHT. That’s not necessarily a bad thing as it reduces the tax burden on the working population, so if left as is, a lot of it will come back full circle eventually. Of course there will always be exceptions.

Of course you're making a judgement. And why would people make a choice to have a pack of children and squeeze into a small house and think poor us we should be given the big house. Entitlement much.

I kind of get where you are coming from OP. My DGrandparent lived in a massive house in the countryside on their own while my Dparents were bringing up three children in a much smaller house in the city. They were looking to move as needed more space, so DGrandparent suggested they swap. They got a smaller house that was easier and cheaper to maintain, and were less reliant on a car, and DParents got a lovely big family home. However there is no way my DParent would consider doing the same for me now that we are in the same situation they were in back then, it is entirely down to the individuals involved and their personalities.

I can’t believe some of the attitudes of my generation. ( I find this increasingly these years)
All the young people I know work really hard as did we. You hope for something a bit easier for your kids. I watched my eldest daughter and her DH working themselves into the ground to afford a 1 bed flat in London and unable to save much or contemplate starting a family. I have owned a house since I was 28. I worked hard but it produced results, that doesn’t seem the case so easily now.
As I said upthread we have downsized and given all our children money. Depending on the part of the country they live in it was either enough for a deposit on a small house or a contribution towards their own savings. I love that we can visit some in their own homes and there is enough room to stay.
The costs of upkeep for our old, large house would have been prohibitive. From the proceeds not only did we help our kids but we bought investment property so we are comfortable financially.
We have a still nice but much smaller house that will be suitable as we age.
My fil continued on in his house which was completely unsuitable for him after mil died. It became delapidated and the garden overgrown. Eventually after a stroke he could not be discharged from hospital until accommodation was organised (3 months + as an in patient) the house had to be sold at a knockdown price and the work... the work of sorting out 45 years of accumulated stuff - he thought he had plenty of time, after all he was only in his 80s!!!

DazzlingMilton, if they do insist on blindly voting Tory in their droves, what can they expect.

NotTakenUserName well indeed, interestingly though I do wonder which would actually be economically better for them in the longer term?

how would that care be paid for?

The government can't take what you don't have.

If they need care then they force the sale of the big house (unless a partner lives in it) or they downsize and they force the sale of the smaller house.

Much rather familly had my hard earnt equity than the overpriced care homes (£900 a week for an average one) It wouldn't take long to plough through your savings however much you had.

Our neighbours are downsizing from their 3 bed semi!

These threads about all boomers dripping with money always baffle me. My parents have only just paid off their own mortgage and didn't even buy their first house (a 3 bed semi, with 3 kids) until they were in their late 30s.

It pisses me a off a bit too tbh and I appreciate that it sounds selfish.My parents have 4 properties, 2 of which net them over £1000 in rent a month. Plus they have whole salary pensions. Even if they sold one of their rentals and gave us just a bit of equity it would help us so much.

I think the problem is that they have NO CONCEPT of intergenerational differences. Houses were so cheap when they were young and jobs very secure. They got a mortgage based on my Dads salary so mums earnings were just a bonus and work for her was a choice. Its not like that now, especially when you live in the south east.They think our generation is just lazy and more worried about i phones than mortgages. They think having the internet is a luxury rather than a necessity. They also think their assets are all a result of hard work. The reality is that most of it has come from rising house prices and being born at a time where saving money actually made sense (unlike now where interest is less than 1%).

They would help if I asked but Id have to ask. Otherwise they are just happy rolling about in their wealth.