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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to laugh at this offer? CM related

66 replies

PeanutButterSquash · 12/04/2018 15:40

Ex pays CM (£60 a week for 3 dcs).
The " minimum" she should pay is actually £110+ (I have reason to believe her salary has gone up but the £110 is based on a calculation done 2 years ago).
She has agreed to pay £90 a week if I abide by some conditions. I've given up asking by the way, we have 4 children but the eldest (still lives with me) is an adult and I've gone a long time supporting them essentially alone, so this is out of the blue.

Got this this morning..

"Hi peanut, hope you're well.
I have a proposal.
Moving forward I'd like to start paying you some extra, £90 a week in total is within budget. But I'd like to see at least one monthly grocery invoice and receipts for wherever it goes so I can help you budget. I'll send the extra next week.
Regards,
Twat"

Aibu to ask for your help with a witty response? Or should I ignore?
I'm a bit staggered, to be honest. I've been a parent for almost 2 decades I think I can manage feeding my own kids if left to my own devices. Grin I've also managed to feed, clothe and house said children without the exes very patronizing offer of help "budgeting".

OP posts:
Sirzy · 12/04/2018 15:43

I would just reply “I look forward to receiving the money. Thanks for the offer but I am more than capable of budgeting”

Travis1 · 12/04/2018 15:43

Ha ha idiot. TBH I'd be contacting CMS. Why should she be calling all the shots?

DanceDisaster · 12/04/2018 15:44

Why isn’t she paying the full £110?

And no, yanbu! CF.

Ginmakesitallok · 12/04/2018 15:45

I'd send a receipt with just gin and turkey twizzlers (do you still get them?) - with a note saying "budgeting advice welcome"

Shizzlestix · 12/04/2018 15:45

Twat has no right to ask for invoices. What an idiot! Tell twat to fuck off.

Rainboho · 12/04/2018 15:45

That would piss me right off. In the early days of separation I would have reacted - these days I just ignore.

If I were you I would just pursue via CMS to take her down a peg or two. I can see why she is an ex.

LegoPiecesEverywhere · 12/04/2018 15:46

How annoying and controlling. Are you in the UK? Can you go through the CMS?

Dear Twat,
Thank you for your offer which I feel I must decline. Can you please send me a copy of your recent salary slips to prove you are not paying below the minimum required by CMS?

Regards,

Peanut

KatharinaRosalie · 12/04/2018 15:46

How about: 'I'm happy to give you full control over paying for food, clothes and other expenses for your children, and won't even ask for receipts. Can of course help to budget when you realise it's a little challenging on £90 a week'

Springtrolls · 12/04/2018 15:46

Hi Twat,
That's a really good idea. Don't know why I didn't think of it before. I look forward to receiving your grocery receipts and utility bills so that I can help you budget. Once you are budgeting it shouldn't be an issue of you making proper contributions towards the upkeep of our children.
Peanut.

Loandbeholdagain · 12/04/2018 15:48

In reality, go the official route.... but wouldn’t it be fun to send this reply... “Dear Ex, over the years of providing entirely myself for our children I have developed some fantastic budgeting skills. Since you clearly have struggled to provide for your children in the past, I’d be really happy to take you through this so that you can pay the minimum legal amount which is £110. Happy to help. “

zebrano · 12/04/2018 15:48

Ex partners don't just get to decide to help you budget! That's overstepping boundaries. Where will it end?

Storminateapot · 12/04/2018 15:49

Dear Twat

Before I consider your kind offer of budgeting advice please supply me with your two latest salary slips so that I may assess whether your offer of £90 per week is within the CMS required minimum.

Fuck you and the horse you rode in on

Peanut

DABradio · 12/04/2018 15:50

Oh god that's the type of thing my ex would write.

I'd go with the following response.

Happy to send you grocery receipts, although it may backfire on you as I spend x amount on food for the children which is x% more than you're intending to pay. I also wonder if it'd be helpful to see a breakdown of school activities and clothing too?

Dancingmonkey87 · 12/04/2018 15:50

I would just go through cm and take out the middle man.

PinkHeart5914 · 12/04/2018 15:51

She’s off her rocker!

Are you using the CMS? If not you should as you are entitled to maintenance and you shouldn’t have to provide her with grocery bills etc as honestly how man tins of beans you buy is none of her business

Think we can all see why she’s an ex

SprogletsMum · 12/04/2018 15:52

My reply would be to contact the cms and let them deal with it.

spanieleyes · 12/04/2018 15:53

When I was moving house, my ex sent me details of houses he thought were "suitable" for me. He seemed bemused when I said I would choose my own.!
My mortgage, my decisionGrin

clarrylove · 12/04/2018 15:54

Happy to do do when you provide copies of your payslips /P60s.?

Original poster
PeanutButterSquash · 12/04/2018 15:55

I've tried the official route (I am in the UK) But to be honest they were a mess and at one point (when I hadn't received any payment for 6+ months) ex decided to move to france. She was back four months later but in the time she was gone theyd closed the case citing they couldn't do anything further, I tried to get back in touch with them and just got excuses. Finally managed to nail ex down for a proper chat about it 2yrs ago. We did the calculations together and it came up as £110 a week, which is when she said "no that's far too much, I'll do £75" I tried to get in touch with the cms yet again and was given more excuses. They then said they wouldn't help me until I did a private arrangement. I told them she was refusing to pay the full amount to no avail. So I just accepted the 75, then the eldest turned 18 and ex reduced it to 60 (despite the fact eldest is in education, lives with me and has no income).
So to be honest I gave up trying to get child maintanence the right way and mostly save it in accounts for the kids as I can't bring myself to rely on it for anything.

OP posts:
Queenie8 · 12/04/2018 15:58

Jeeez Louise 😳, the audacity of her! Go through the official route of CMS.

My ex is furious that we've been switched to CMS from the CSA, and now has to pay an extra £100 a month. He sent me a stroppy text saying he will not be contributing anything extra going forward other than CMS payment. The laughable thing is, he pays for one child's sporting activity that is a third less cost than the other child's. I just ignore him, and ask every time they now have a school trip, new uniform required, etc etc, mostly he says no, but occasionally he will agree. But I never asked before, it's the principle of the matter.

SluttyButty · 12/04/2018 15:59

Dear Twat,
It's really none of your business what I buy at the supermarket, and I'm quite adept at budgeting due to you underpaying for your children by £50 a month, LIKE FOREVER. So please feel free to fuck off, then when you get to where you've fucked off too, fuck off some more.

Kind regards Peanut.

Too sweary?

BookWitch · 12/04/2018 15:59

Storminateapot' s response is brilliant.

MrsAJ27 · 12/04/2018 15:59

I like storminateapot reply

Original poster
PeanutButterSquash · 12/04/2018 16:00

Queenie8
When did the changeover happen? I last tried with cms/whatever theyre called 2 years ago. Might try again if they're being a bit more useful now! I thought CSA/cms was just two different ways of referring to the same thing! Blush

OP posts:
UpstartCrow · 12/04/2018 16:03

PeanutButterSquash Any tips for dealing with a twat in a calm and perfeshanal manner? Apparently chasing them down the road screaming like a banshee isn't on Grin