Aibu to laugh at this offer? CM related

[PeanutButterSquash]

Ex pays CM (£60 a week for 3 dcs).
The " minimum" she should pay is actually £110+ (I have reason to believe her salary has gone up but the £110 is based on a calculation done 2 years ago).
She has agreed to pay £90 a week if I abide by some conditions. I've given up asking by the way, we have 4 children but the eldest (still lives with me) is an adult and I've gone a long time supporting them essentially alone, so this is out of the blue.

Got this this morning..

"Hi peanut, hope you're well.
I have a proposal.
Moving forward I'd like to start paying you some extra, £90 a week in total is within budget. But I'd like to see at least one monthly grocery invoice and receipts for wherever it goes so I can help you budget. I'll send the extra next week.
Regards,
Twat"

Aibu to ask for your help with a witty response? Or should I ignore?
I'm a bit staggered, to be honest. I've been a parent for almost 2 decades I think I can manage feeding my own kids if left to my own devices. I've also managed to feed, clothe and house said children without the exes very patronizing offer of help "budgeting".

This is shocking! Surprises every time when people do not help support their children.

Perhaps use storminateapot reply - certainly a good one!

But also add in about how her not contributing a sufficient amount means that it is her children's quality of life that is being affected. Does she not want her kids eating nice food?! Or how about if you are buying anything extra for yourself, that is well within reason because you deserve treats as a (single) parent!! (btw, I am sure it isn't really affected and you are doing a great job - I am from a single parent family myself)

Ignore, ignore, ignore. Let her put in the "extra" then when she asks for the receipts just respond "why would I do that? I've been budgeting for years. Why would I need help now, when your finally getting close to the minimum you should be paying?"

UpstartCrow
Unless you count groaning into your hands while whispering "fuck my life" I'm sorry to say I have no idea.

What a creepily controlling thing to ask for.

PeanutButterSquash I think we should introduce our exes to each other. They sound an ideal match IMVFHO.

UpstartCrow mine could join in too. He's paid £20 a week each for two children for years, I just don't have the energy to start a war with him.

Why not just

That’s rather intrusive and controlling.

As a side note, it sounds like you may have got assessment and direct pay mixed up. They do an assessment which they give her a chance to pay you directly and if she messes up those payments then they do collection. But they still have the assessment to start with regardless of the payment method

"CMS calculations shows you should be able to afford the full £110pw on your salary, I've had to become excellent at budgeting due to my low income so I'm sure I can help you budget so that you can start to pay the full minimum amount. Please forward me your receipts and payslips for the last 3 months by Friday so I can review them over the weekend to see where you are overspending."

Fuck you and the horse you rode in on

That was a bit harsh Storm.

In all other respects I totally agree with your suggested response.

Totally ignore her. That is seriously controlling and I would not bother.

I've sent a similar response to storms

"Hi twat,
Before I consider your offer of budgeting advice please supply me with your two latest pay slips so that I may assess whether your offer of £90 per week is within the CMS required minimum.
If it isnt, I'll be more than happy to pencil in an afternoon to come and look over your budget. Your salary of xx is perfectly sufficient to cover the appropriate amount so I feel you may be going wrong some where. If it is sufficient, we'll budget together!
Also, as you're feeling so generous, children's school have sent me a uniform order form. I'll send it in child's bag next time I drop him off. If you can order 2 t shirts I'll get the jumper.
Thanks,
Peanut"

It's not sufficient.
I won't get a response I'm sure.

CMS will send her a letter if you contact child maintenance options and tell them. If you choose collect and pay you lose 4% but she will have an extra 20% added on. If she doesn't respond to the reminder letter they will set up a deduction from earnings order. They get real time information from HMRC so it won't wash if she claims she is earning less.

PERFECT! send that!

Dear Twat
why would my food bill help you to help me budget, the food is only a part of the CM, there is also, heating, roof, clothing, medical, dental etc are you expecting a break down of all of these also, if that is the case please forward your breakdowns also so we can be sure you are budgeting also for yourself and have the ability to pay the extra for OUR children and ALL of the children still in general education regardless of age.

waiting with bated breath
Peanut

Perfect response Peanut I await news of the response!

Also CMS takes into consideration children that are still in full time education so if your "adult" DC is still in full time education and without a job then she should still be paying for that DC too!

"I've asked me crystal meths dealer if he provides receipts, but sadly, he does not."

The rest of the message you can say what you like.

Well done you!

Perfect response

Can't abide people who don't pay for their children. Your response is good.

You can also get it backdated so he has to pay more.

“Dear twat,
I’ll be going through CMS and getting backdated as you’re a cheeky fucking twat and haven’t been paying enough.
Kind regards,
Ms.Peanut”

Bet you don’t get a response to that
I would give Ex a copy of every single receipt for a month’s worth of groceries and utility bills. 20% of that covers your share which you should pay alone, and then tell Ex that you and Ex should split the remaining 80% between you.

I would also give her a copy of every single child-related receipt incurred- clothing, school uniform costs, shoes, extra curricular activities, childcare, school trips, school lunches, presents for other children’s parties, transport costs. Once you take off child benefit, then the difference should be split between you and Ex. Bet it adds up to a lot more than she is paying.

Peanut, we both received a letter this time last year and switched over from August.

The CMS are better than the CSA. There are 3 options to arrange payment, family arrangement - you agree it together, direct pay - the CMS calculate the payments but the money is paid directly from my ex,if he misses just one payment then we're switched to the third option of collect and pay, where the amount is deducted at source from my exs salary, but there are fees for this 4% from my side and I think approximately 20% from his side, so although I would actually get less money, I would receive it. This would stand for six months before being switched back to the middle option. The middle option is a fee upfront of £20, but to me it was actually worth it to get the right figures. Every case is then reviewed annually for any increase or decrease in earnings.

Call the CMS helpline and ask to open a new case. It can take upto six weeks to arrange, but if your ex won't play ball, they will automatically apply for a deduction at source, as long as you know their employer or National Insurance number.

Good luck 🤞

Ha! I'm on a roll! I've already helped zap my BFF's ex who was attempting emotional blackmail fuckery to try to manipulate her into doing something that only benefits him and his OW to the direct detriment of his kids.

Anyone else in need of zinger text responses for fuckwits I'll be here all day