Aibu to laugh at this offer? CM related

[PeanutButterSquash]

Ex pays CM (£60 a week for 3 dcs).
The " minimum" she should pay is actually £110+ (I have reason to believe her salary has gone up but the £110 is based on a calculation done 2 years ago).
She has agreed to pay £90 a week if I abide by some conditions. I've given up asking by the way, we have 4 children but the eldest (still lives with me) is an adult and I've gone a long time supporting them essentially alone, so this is out of the blue.

Got this this morning..

"Hi peanut, hope you're well.
I have a proposal.
Moving forward I'd like to start paying you some extra, £90 a week in total is within budget. But I'd like to see at least one monthly grocery invoice and receipts for wherever it goes so I can help you budget. I'll send the extra next week.
Regards,
Twat"

Aibu to ask for your help with a witty response? Or should I ignore?
I'm a bit staggered, to be honest. I've been a parent for almost 2 decades I think I can manage feeding my own kids if left to my own devices. I've also managed to feed, clothe and house said children without the exes very patronizing offer of help "budgeting".

My ex tryed this. Funny thing is he was only paying £5 a fortnight because he was on benifits but wanted me to send receipts of every penny that fiver went to 😂 told him to fuck off the absolute knob wobble

"I would give Ex a copy of every single receipt for a month’s worth of groceries and utility bills"

Do not do this, ever. What they want is to be able to smugly lecture you on how you didn't really NEED that £6 bottle of wine, or why you're not buying the absolute basics 9p beans and how their maintenance is not to pay for your extravagant treats.

Does the UK not require people to pay "back child support" when they've gone periods without paying at all or under paying?

You can get in a lot of trouble for that in my home country.

LeighaJ Technically - but its not enforced as far as anyone can tell, and it doesn't count if they move abroad.

LeighaJ my DM's ex had to back pay £6k to DM (and got into trouble with the tax office too) because CMS alongside with my DM's detective work and a pissed off ex GF of DM's ex managed to provide evidence that he was working cash in hand despite claiming disability pay. He refused to cough up so they sent the bailiffs round to collect it

I sympathise completely. I get £50 a week for three DC and he doesn’t have them over night at all. When we first separated he gave me even less and would accuse me of wasting the money on myself. He even took to stalking my social media accounts (I had blocked him but I think he set up a new account) to see what I had been spending money on. He had a bitch fit at me once because he saw I had bought myself a new handbag .

You of course know your ex has absolutely no right to be rifling through your finances and attempting to dictate what you spend the CM on. The fact she wants to bitch about food of all things... it’s hardly as though she is funding your hobbies. Try CMS again, she really should be paying the full amount.

You absolutely MUST open a case with CMS. Do it asap, as contrary to what someone posted above, they cannot backdate claims. It costs £20, but it's worth every penny.

I suggest that every communication with them is in writing, as sadly they "forget" to log phone calls!

If at any point, you feel that they are not doing a good job for you, you can refer your case to The Independent Case Examiner (ICE). Link here:

www.gov.uk/government/organisations/independent-case-examiner

I was unhappy with CMS, because they kept taking my Ex's word for his salary. He lied. He earned substantially more. I referred my case to ICE, and boy, did the CMS step up their game. They manged to find his salary from HMRC, attached his earnings, and I got ££££ to make up all of the arrears.

Stop negotiating with her and raise a claim tomorrow. You are mad if you don't. £90 a week for 3 kids is preposterous.

Regards your eldest, is he/she at Uni or College? If it's the latter, he/she still should be counted in the CMS calculation.

Excellent response, OP.

So if you don’t spend enough will it be reduced? Does she not realise that maintenance doesn’t just pay for things that you can see, it’s also a contribution towards rent/mortgage, utilities etc.

As for text response. Either...

‘No’

Or ignore it.

Either way, definitely claim via the CMS. Cheeky cow!

Why don’t you send her a full budget of what it actually costs to bring up three kids, and then half it and ask her for that instead?

Ask her if she needs help with budgeting housing, food, clothes and bills costs as it seems she is very short with the necessary funds. Remind her that CMS is the minimum. Cheeky cow!

Get onto CMS now and get what you need.

If she isn't giving you the full CM then it is your ex who needs budgeting assistance.
Her suggestion should be brushed aside as wholly inappropriate, intrusive, patronising and controlling.

OMG! I would be retorting with...
Hi "Twat"
Thank you ever so much for your kind offer. I can only imagine what it feels like to be living seperately from our children and distant parenting can be hard. However, on the subject of money and I am glad you brought it up... you aren't paying the minimum amount. If I could see your pay slips at the end of the month, we can reevaluate how much should be paid. This will end the budgeting problem.
"Peanut"

Play the same game as her! My ex partner thinks it is okay to give me £30 a week. I get condescending messages ll the time but I don't get mad I get even!

Your response was cleaner than mine would have been. Well done.

Your ex is indeed a twat.

Please open a case with CMS!

My kids mum was like this too, every excuse under the sun not to pay child maintenance! Eventually went to the CMS and that got her paying. Wish I'd done it sooner.