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to think that dh should read to ds at bedtime after not seeing him all day?

60 replies

justamum · 11/05/2007 20:33

DH leaves the house at 6.45 and often doesn't get back until 7pm so he barely gets to see the children. When he gets home they are usually bathed and ready for bed so all I want him to do in that last half hour before bed is spend a little time with them. He does usually give dd her bottle but this is a fairly passive excercise as she is 13mnths and quite capable of doing that for herself, but I do feel that he ought to show a bit more enthusiasm for spending 10-15 minutes of quality time with ds. I know dh is tired but ds goes to bed really well after a couple of short stories and he does love it so much that it is rewarding to make the effort.
I just don't get why you would not want to make that effort for your children when you only see them for such a short amount of time. He also has the gall to be upset when ds says he doesn't want daddy to take him to bed when I know this is because he has refused to read on past occasions. I am quite hurt on ds's behalf over this.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

FrayedKnot · 11/05/2007 20:38

DH leaves the house at 7.15 and gets back sometimes between 6 & 6.30 usually.

he always does DS' bath even though ds really plays up because, I suspect, he hasn;t seen DH all day and gets a bit oevrexcited about it, and he's tired.

I would consider DH unreasonable if he didn;t eitehr do bath or stories, yes, and if it wer me I would want to do it, definitely.

YANBU imo.


hippmummy · 11/05/2007 20:42

you are not being unreasonable.
Why doesn't he want to? It's a lovely time of the evening and your DS will really feel like it's his time with daddy.
So many dads get in after their children are already asleep and never get the chance to do this.
Your DH should be jumping at the opportunity!


hertsnessex · 11/05/2007 20:43

i think he should do it aswell. what are his resons for not wanting too?



MaPickle · 11/05/2007 20:44

I do not think you are BU at all! DH works nights and practically snatches the baby off me when I we get up cos he doesn't get very long with him


foxinsocks · 11/05/2007 20:47

mm I dunno, I found that first 30 mins after walking in the door from work quite frantic tbh.

Also, perhaps he feels hurt by ds not wanting to have him take ds to bed therefore doesn't want to read (which I know is irrational but if you're tired and have just got in...).

Could he do the bedtime stories on Sat and Sun night this weekend to build up ds getting used to him doing it and then perhaps dh will feel happier doing it on Monday?


moondog · 11/05/2007 20:47

I would go off my dh soooo bloody fast if he didn't want to do things with his children.


glassslipper · 11/05/2007 20:48

yanbu but in his defence he is probably just knackered


southeastastra · 11/05/2007 20:49

mine isn't in until they're in bed all week, but on the rare occasion he has been in time my son would take about three times longer to settle so it's easier for me to do it iykwim.

on the weekends he reads and puts him to bed and it's lovely for me not to do it


moondog · 11/05/2007 20:53

I'm fucking knackered when i get in from my f/t job,MSc and p/t business to my two children who I raise mostly alone 9dh abroad) I still read to them though.Every damned night.As does dh when home.
Is he too tired to watch tv???


Adorabelle · 11/05/2007 21:12

I'm a full time mummy & dh is doing a full
time degree course in Biology.

At the mo he's doing exams & also having to
submit a Phd proposal but when he gets home in the evening I fully expect him to spend
time with our dd & to read her a bedtime story.

He has time for all our mad pets (chemeleons, dart frogs, geko's etc) so he can spend at least an hour with our lo when he's home.


RosaLuxembourg · 11/05/2007 21:51

There is research that shows that boys who are read to by their father do better at school. Doesn't he want to help him? I am really not getting why any parent would not want to read a bedtime story - have you tried asking your DH what it is that he doesn't like about doing this, and calmly explaining why you feel it is so important.

And if that doesn't work, chuck his dinner in the bin.


Elasticwoman · 11/05/2007 22:19

Maybe he's not very good (or feels he isn't) at reading aloud. It is a skill. My dh has a slight speech impediment and I think this is why he avoids reading aloud to children. But there is one story with actions that he knows off by heart and does this one with ds when called upon. Could your dh TELL a story as opposed to reading it?


justamum · 12/05/2007 00:18

Elasticwoman, dh can read aloud just fine, in fact he's good at it because he can do accents and stuff that make DS laugh. I think it has a lot to do with tiredness, he has recently being diagnosed as diabetic and is not dealing with the necessary dietary changes too well which makes him more tired than normal.
I probably need to talk to him about it, but we have had similar issues so many times over ds ever since he was a newborn and I practically had to force dh to hold him. I have a hunch what is going on but I don't think dh will ever really admit to it.

OP posts:

moondog · 12/05/2007 09:59

What is going on then Justamum???


Elasticwoman · 12/05/2007 15:44

Diabetes diagnosis is a BIG deal, Justamum. I think you have more to worry about than the story reading issue. It does not just mean a change of diet for dh. There are big health implications.


Judy1234 · 12/05/2007 16:33

These problems stem from one parent working and the other at home. If you both worked and therefore regarded the chidlren are 50% your responsibility these issues then don't arise.

Separately there is a known difficulty of people who won't make diabetes diet changes and their failure to do that affects those they are supposed to love, not just their own health. It is very hard to make them if they're adult.


paulaplumpbottom · 12/05/2007 16:35

I can't believe he doesn't want to. When DH gets home he takes every minute in the evening he can get. Yes he should when he gets home from work everything bewtween you two should be 50/50


foxybrown · 12/05/2007 16:55

Can you and DH agree that it is DHs job to do 15 minute storytime with him each night? You all know its what's going to happen, DS can choose his story as part of the bedtime routine before DH gets home, and its only 15 minutes (can't really argue with that!).

You never know, he might start to enjoy it.


lucyellensmum · 12/05/2007 17:02

So Xenia, it must be justamums fault for being a SAHM - are they only your responsibility if you stay home and look after them and dont don't pay someone else to do so? Sorry if this sounds personal but come on! My DP often works late, he is starting a business, but he always stays around for DD story, i read it but they snuggle up together and its really lovely family time. He rarely misses bedtime and is upset if he does so. Justamum, i would put my foot down, make him read a story, i know he is tired but it doesnt take long. Then you can make him a nice cuppa/drink and enjoy some time together. I always settle DD after stories and DP tidies away for me and loads the dishwasher.


NAB3 · 12/05/2007 17:18

My husband has always had bathing the children and reading them stories as part of what he does when he gets in. He sees them at breakfast and then not until 6.30 ish. It gives me time to start on our dinner and gives them Daddy time. It is very important that Dad's read to their children, imo, as they usually don't get a lot of time with them.


RosaLuxembourg · 12/05/2007 17:23

Oh for god's sake Xenia is there any evil in the world that you can't lay at the door of the SAHM? In my 10 years of parenthood I have been a working parent for six and a SAHM for four and I can tell you it has made absolutely no change to the way DH and I interact and parent. Why should it? We are still the same people. I totally disagree that one parent having less time to spend with the children will automatically force the other parent to step into the breach. It doesn't work that way. Once a slack dad, always a slack day IMO.


foxybrown · 12/05/2007 17:32

Lets not turn this into a Xenia thread! We all know what her take on motherhood is and that us SAHM could solve all our problems by getting a full-time job! Yawn!


paulaplumpbottom · 12/05/2007 17:32

Is this going to turn into one of those threads?


Wordsmith · 12/05/2007 17:33

Xenia, both parents working is another issue and one on which I don't wholly disagree with you, but it's not exactly the issue here is it? Whatever you do in the day, everyone's dog tired by the kids' bedtime, whether you're a SAHP or go out to work. Justamum, you are definitely NOT being unreasonable. He may be tired but it doesn't take much energy to sit on the bed and read a story for 10 mins, and it means a lot to family harmony. Just point it out to him!


foxybrown · 12/05/2007 17:48

My DP does tend to doze off when he does it though...

TBH I think it should be part of the routine. If DP makes it home, I expect him to do it, and I can then get on making our dinner.

Its not optional IMO!

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