baby showers - AIBU or is my friend

[princesspxx]

I am 30 weeks pregnant and my friend is 8 weeks behind me. Her boyfriend is my boyfriends best friend.we are both having girls

Her boyfriend came to my house the other day and we talked about clothes, prams, what we have bought so far etc. He said they haven’t bought anything except a few sleepsuits. He found it really odd that we have bought nearly everything ourselves and family has just helped with bigger purchases like the pram and cot etc.

He then asked when my baby shower is, I said I’m not having one. He said that was weird and that all expecting mums have them. I’m not against the idea of a baby shower, I would really like one! But most of my friends are away at uni/don’t live locally, we’ve got pretty much everything now and me and my boyfriend are going to have a weekend away to celebrate instead before baby comes. I also thought baby showers were usually arranged by your friends.

He said his girlfriend has arranged her own baby shower, told her friends what to buy her (not just saying like I need sleepsuits or I could do with some nappies etc) but actually told them she wants sleepsuits in such a colour and she’d prefer them from Next, M&S etc. She’s also sent them a link to an expensive Moses basket she likes and suggested that they could all chip in money towards it. I’m not sure how many people she’s inviting (and I know atleast 2 of them are expecting themselves) but I don’t think it’s fair at all to Arrange a baby shower basically to receive gifts she wants but doesn’t want to pay for herself. I spoke to her on Facebook this morning and the topic of baby clothes etc came up and she even had the cheek to suggest that I can just give her all my baby clothes when I’ve done with them. I find this really cheeky, my daughter isn’t even born yet and she’s trying to take all her stuff already?

It’s worth adding that they aren’t financially struggling. It’s as if she just wants to milk off other people or am I being unreasonable and that’s a fair thing to do?

Don't be worrying about what she is doing, it isn't your problem.

Let her get on with it.

She's being grabby.
You don't have to have a baby shower. I've never had one or been to one either.

I’m glad it looks like I’m not invited really lol!

I see this friendship strengthening as you compare your babies ...... not back away op back away

Tell her you will be saving the clothes for your next one. She doesn't have the right to demand them and sounds really grabby

I think baby showers are awful. Just keep doing things your way and don't worry about her.

My friends baby was born 6 weeks after mine but they were so huge they never fitted in any of the clothes I tried to hand down from my daughter 😂

She sounds crazy expecting family and friends to pay for things. We bought everything ourselves.

I think that’s a bit odd; part of the enjoyment of giving gifts when people have a baby is to enjoy picking them out so to tell people specifically what to get takes their enjoyment out of it. Also I always thought baby showers were arranged by friends.
I didn’t have a baby shower as it wasn’t really my thing but after my DD was born we were overwhelmed by how generous people were.
I’d have some excuses ready why she can’t have your baby clothes when the time comes; it’s cheeky to expect that and you might want to keep them for any future babies

Your friend sounds like a bit of a spoilt brat, tbh. She's requesting specific brands of clothes? What cheek! She'll have a shock when she realises that a baby isn't a doll and they'll poop/puke all over whatever they're wearing, so probably best not to be dressing them in fancy attire!

I'm also 30weeks and have no intention of having a baby shower, partly because I'm too busy and partly because it does smack of indulgence and greed. If people want to buy/give me baby stuff I will gladly accept but I have no expectation of anyone, including family, of funding my offspring! (worth noting, I have bought nothing yet other than a moses basket from a charity shop - so well done on being organised!)

I didn't have a baby shower personally, but I don't have a problem with the bride organising her own one. I'd be a bit about the gift list but it's not a massive issue in the grand scheme of things!

Baby showers are grabby as are the people that have them. Step away!

My friend asked me if I wanted a babyshower and she would arrange it. I said no as i think people feel obliged to buy a gift and that made me feel really uncomfortable. I much rather see people when baby is here and if they feel tgey want to bring a gift then thats really kind. But i couldnt put them in a siutation where its thrust upon them.
Your friend sounds massively grabby! Just wait now for the engagement party with gift list, then hen do with gift list and then wedding with gift list. It never ends with some people.

I hate grabby behaviour like this. My sister is the same, always scrounging off everyone and loves to brag about how much money they have saved and nearly paid the mortgage etc.

She's said the same about my baby clothes, she'll get a shock when I donate them to all charity!!

I’ve already decided I’m keeping the majority of my baby clothes - I’ve spent quite a bit of money on them but I want to keep them for future babies, sentimental reasons etc.

Thanks Kilo3 I’m sure all the organisation will go out the window once she is here though lol! When’s your due date

I've only ever been to one . . . and the mum-to-be was American living over in the UK. The friend organising it for her was American too. What was really lovely was the fact that none of us knew whether she was having a boy or a girl, so all the gifts were gender-neutral.

I was more than happy to buy a gift for my friend, but I wouldn't have liked to have been told what to buy. There was no gift list - I chose to buy two books my own children had enjoyed.

With a bit of luck, by the time your "friend's" baby's born, your DD will still fit into all the new baby clothes anyway, so there'll be nothing to pass on.

Oh dear, well at least it sounds like you aren’t invited to the money grabbing fest! Just tell her you’re saving the clothes in case you have another and won’t be giving anything anyway. And then get on with your day.

Baby showers are an atrocious idea like many we get from the US. wedding lists are bad enough but greedy grasping demands from friends? I am also quite shocked that they assume the outcome will be a live healthy baby, tempting fate. Things do go wrong and always will do. Childbirth still carries risks and not all babies make it. Celebrate after the birth

I had baby showers. My ILs organised them otherwise I wouldn’t have. I don’t really like them in principle because I am superstitious and don’t like celebrating!too much before the baby is even safely here yet.

Anyway, there’s so many ways out of this - just say you’re saving the clothes, you’ve promised them to a relative/friend, you plan to sell the best bits and give the rest to charity, whatever. And then don’t hang around with this woman whilst on mat leave, it’s not going to get any better.

I don’t get baby showers either. It’s really grabby

I live in the US (land of baby showers!) and my American friends wouldn’t approve of your friend’s approach at all.

The U.K. appears recently to have taken the US tradition of a nice friendly tea party, organised by your friends and female relations, with a few party games and made it into something much bigger, more expensive and tackier!

People do often have a gift list at a particular place for baby showers but it’s optional!

Of course you don’t have to have a baby shower. U.K. tradition is to give presents immediately after the baby is born.

Do what you like. Don’t worry about your friend.

I have always found baby showers very crass. Didn't have one fodder either of my pregnancies.

Meh, she’s being grabby, but I don’t think you needed to start a thread on here to tell you that.

Enjoy your weekend away and your baby! And YY, keep your clothes in case you have another girl some day.

She does sound rather grabby! If I was invited to a baby shower and given a list of stuff to get I’d probably make an excuse and not go. Although I’d probably do it anyway as I really dislike baby showers (I have been to one - it was horrendous).

She’s a CF.