Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you are only worth talking to on the school run if you drive a 4x4 & are minted...

120 replies

morphyrichards99 · 11/04/2018 09:55

The dc have been in school just over a year now. Their school is a state school in an affluent part of the city. The parents who live close enough to walk insist on driving their chelsea tractors to the gates (obviously to show off), parents who used to drive ordinary cars are upgrading to 4x4s. Quite a large percentage of the parents only acknowlege you if you are thin, wearing the right clothes (designer sportswear& full face of make up seems to be the uniform at the moment!) playdates are arranged on who the parents think are affluent & worth networking with not on who the kids are friends with... Some of my observations,however there are plenty of normal parents too. Even though there are some who appear to have jumped on the bandwagon & are trying to keep up with the joneses...

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 11/04/2018 09:58

Some of my observations,however there are plenty of normal parents too.

That doesn't make sense given your thread title?

Either way, as long as they're happy, why do you give it a second thought?

Ansumpasty · 11/04/2018 09:58

Don’t sound like the type of people I’d want to be friends with, to be honest!

MaisyPops · 11/04/2018 09:59

Some people are shallow and superficial.
Look at it this way, would you actually want to socialise with such gormless image-obsessed people?

Charmatt · 11/04/2018 09:59

They may have other reasons for driving - they may be going off to work or other appointments. Why are they obviously showing off? Why must other parents be upgrading to 4x4s? Maybe it's just a choice. Some mothers may be cliquey, but I'm sure most are fine.

....maybe it's how you come across (judgemental)....

icclemunchy · 11/04/2018 10:00

I suspect your just being controversal....

But I will say I frequently drive the five minute walk to school AND I recently upgraded to a 4x4. Because my mobility has deteriorated to the point I can't make the walk nor lower myself into a normal car. Not your circus, not your monkeys, not your problem. So why expend the effort to judge

QuiteLikely5 · 11/04/2018 10:01

So there are a group of rich people at your school, who wear active wear and look good each day. They happen to be friends.

I honestly think this is ok.

MsVestibule · 11/04/2018 10:02

Move to an economically deprived area like mine and you won't have those problems.

chocolatesun · 11/04/2018 10:09

It doesn't matter what type of car people drive or whether they bother with makeup. I bet you're judging them more than they're judging you. Try being a little less focussed on superficial things, be friendly to everyone and perhaps you'll find things are not so divided.

Original poster
morphyrichards99 · 11/04/2018 10:10

I'm not trying to be controversial, the group I mentioned in the opening post only like "their own" type & appear to be very materialistic, ski hols, the car you drive, area you live, dc only in reception & secondary schools are already a hot topic...

OP posts:
mooncuplanding · 11/04/2018 10:12

I imagine your children are quite young.

Don’t worry, kids very rarely pick their friend based on such criteria so you’ll all have to mix in soon enough

LARLARLAND · 11/04/2018 10:15

I hear what you are saying morphyrichards. You just have to rise above it and not give a fuck.

Thinkingofausername1 · 11/04/2018 10:19

It's amazing how it feels at the school gates. I used to avoid cliques. People must have thought I was a rude cow, but I don't have time for drama...

itstimeforanamechange · 11/04/2018 10:23

I'm with you OP - there are a lot of people out there who genuinely think you are only worth knowing if you are wealthy. And totally judge you on what car you drive. It probably depends where you live but I have experienced it in my affluent aspirational corner of Hampshire.

As for kids picking friends, some parents also try to control the friendships as far as they can to make sure their kids only have "naice" friends.

RosiePosiePuddle · 11/04/2018 10:24

The 4x4 cars should be handy so you know who to avoid. I will put my hand up and totally admit that someone who buys an suv is not going to anyone that I will have anything in common with. Totally judgemental!

Original poster
morphyrichards99 · 11/04/2018 10:26

It's interesting as from what I can see there is alot of keeping up with the joneses & one upmanship.. Dh notices it too when he does the drop off, he finds it amusing. We don't have the money or the inclination to join in the rat race but I do find myself more aware of what I wear in the mornings & sticking on a little bit of make up..

OP posts:
ShamelesslyPlacemarking · 11/04/2018 10:29

Shit. I have a 4x4, wear makeup every day and drive kids to school. Hate skiing and sportswear though. Everyone is always super-nice to me so now am suffering a crisis of confidence about who I am unwittingly snubbing and whether anyone really likes me for my witty conversation rather than my designer satchel.

NeverTwerkNaked · 11/04/2018 10:32

I think you are guilty of a bit of reverse snobbery. You can’t dismiss them all as a collective. Some of my school gate friends drive fancy 4x4/ and wear gym gear, others can barely afford to run an old banger. They all are interesting people with flaws and challenges.

Frankfurt17 · 11/04/2018 10:33

Probably find they live in Spam Valley. Up to their eyes in debt and hence only eat spam 😁

WorraLiberty · 11/04/2018 10:33

I can never get my head around judging others for their choice of car. I just find it really weird as it just wouldn't enter my head.

Maybe that's because I don't drive though.

lollipopjones · 11/04/2018 10:34

I live in a "naice" area. But thank god everyone's not like that here. (Or maybe they are and I just don't see it..)

Original poster
morphyrichards99 · 11/04/2018 10:37

Name change... definitely alot of social engineering going on in dcs school too . Recently overheard "hi I'm Henry's mum he enjoys playing with William & all the fun they have, so much we must have him over for tea & you too of course! Dc always have tales to tell of how horrid Henry is to William (not real names!!) Of course William's mum is thin, beautiful & obviously very affluent!

OP posts:
Fluffychickenmonkey · 11/04/2018 10:37

They are probably vacuous bellends, so just be yourself and stand firm.

MaisyPops · 11/04/2018 10:38

It's not reverse snobbery if they are acting like arseholes.
The OP doesn't have an issue with people having money. They have an issue with people who have money only bothering to engage with other people who they think are suitably affluent.

Love that on MN someone pulls up people for being snobs and they must be jealous or a reverse snob.

WorraLiberty · 11/04/2018 10:41

You sound like your lacking in a bit of self confidence here OP.

Ask yourself why other peoples looks, make-up, weight and money bothers you.

Then try to concentrate on the 'plenty of normal parents' you describe in your opening post.

Life's too short to keep looking over the fence at others.

Alittlesandwich · 11/04/2018 10:42

The only judging and nasriness on thsi thread are the posters bitching about a group of women they don't know because they are good looking and rich.

I'll bite - I'm slim, wealthy and I drive a 4X4 because I live on a farm so you know, need one. If it helps it's ancient and battered.

I'm wealthy because I own land and a large house. I'm thin because I spend my day hauling hay bales rather than judging other people.
I suspect people don't like you, OP, because you are unpleasant , bitter and jealous and it shows on your face.