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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you are only worth talking to on the school run if you drive a 4x4 & are minted...

120 replies

morphyrichards99 · 11/04/2018 09:55

The dc have been in school just over a year now. Their school is a state school in an affluent part of the city. The parents who live close enough to walk insist on driving their chelsea tractors to the gates (obviously to show off), parents who used to drive ordinary cars are upgrading to 4x4s. Quite a large percentage of the parents only acknowlege you if you are thin, wearing the right clothes (designer sportswear& full face of make up seems to be the uniform at the moment!) playdates are arranged on who the parents think are affluent & worth networking with not on who the kids are friends with... Some of my observations,however there are plenty of normal parents too. Even though there are some who appear to have jumped on the bandwagon & are trying to keep up with the joneses...

OP posts:
ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 11/04/2018 11:14

Zibidoo I have a very active work & social life !

Well then you’ve absolutely no excuse for this immature attitude towards people who don’t look and dress like you. You’re bound to have met people from all walks of life. It can’t really be a surprise to you that some women wear make up and drive 4x4s.

ShackUp · 11/04/2018 11:15

My village is proper keeping up with the Joneses! To be 'in', you have to:

Drive a white Audi 4x4
Go on an ostentatious run in your leisurewear every day
Put your kids in Ted Baker
Do state till 8, then get a scholarship to one of the posh preps
Keep one eye on the village FB to see who's asking for tradespeople (they're sure to be doubling the size of their house)
Have an Aga

That list is just for starters. Needless to say, I don't do any of it and am an outcast Grin

jelliebelly · 11/04/2018 11:15

If you live so close to such an amazing school you must have had an idea of the catchment and the affluence around you surely? You sound quite jealous tbh. Also not sure how a 4 year old can be seen to be “excelling”at school either - you presumably chose this amazing School for good reasons - be prepared to have to at least be polite to these other parents when your children become BFFs!

DullAndOld · 11/04/2018 11:15

the thing is OP, in life, there are a lot of wankers, rich and poor. i wouldnt decide if someone was a wanker based on what car they drive, tbh.

DullAndOld · 11/04/2018 11:16

(unless it is an Audi, mind you, Audi really is a wankers' car..Grin

pigmcpigface · 11/04/2018 11:17

Grin at dullandold

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 11/04/2018 11:19

If they’re that shallow, why would you even want to be friends with them?

Most of them are probably fine, it’s just your own insecurity.

I’m the only one that drops my kids off in a small car, all the other mums have massive 4x4s and none of them work. I’m friends with some of them, some of them are a bit stand off-ish. I just talk to the ones who are nice, no point over thinking.

Jaimx86 · 11/04/2018 11:19

Parents who used to drive ordinary cars are upgrading to 4x4s [...] Even though there are some who appear to have jumped on the bandwagon & are trying to keep up with the joneses...

Just refuse to play the game, OP. I see so many people 'upgrading' their lifestyles, but it doesn't seem to bring them much joy before they want the next big thing.

Original poster
morphyrichards99 · 11/04/2018 11:19

Sounds like we're in the urban area of your village!! I honestly don't have a chip on my shoulder & I am very happy with my appearance even though I feel the need to "dress up" slightly on the school run. I smile & say hello to everyone, the group I mentioned usually are the ones to look through me...dh witnessed this!!

OP posts:
Original poster
morphyrichards99 · 11/04/2018 11:21

Jellybelly no chance of that, my dc are friends with all their classmates mention one or two "special friends" but these dcs parents are too busy engineering their own dcs friendships...

OP posts:
Tinkobell · 11/04/2018 11:25

OP, you must watch BBC Motherland and have a smirk. What you describe is nationwide and inescapable. Wherever you go, there'll always be social climbers or people better off than you (& not afraid to show it) ...you can't let it chew you up. Schools a place you take your kid for education each day...it if pisses you off, just see it in these simple terms.

ShackUp · 11/04/2018 11:27

OP I do sympathise (see previous post Grin) and I think you're getting a bit of a hard time here. I handle it by trying not to slag anyone off and smiling/chatting when spoken to. The keeping up with the Joneses has reached epidemic proportions around here, but there are plenty of people like me who don't play the game.

ShackUp · 11/04/2018 11:27

Motherland is hilarious TinkobellGrin

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 11/04/2018 11:31

What you describe is nationwide and inescapable. Wherever you go

Grin hardly! There are loads of schools that are nothing like OP has described.

Prettylovely · 11/04/2018 11:32

I dont get judging people on what car they drive, Who cares.

SilverySurfer · 11/04/2018 11:33

You don't like like them because they drive 4x4s, wear appparently expensive clothing and make up. Hardly crimes of the century are they? Still no-one is forcing you to become friends with them and they should be easy enough to avoid. No need to have an inferiority complex.

Original poster
morphyrichards99 · 11/04/2018 11:34

Shack, it's crazy here! We could join in (spending dc's college fund!) but would prefer not to & won't get sucked in! I must watch Motherland:)

OP posts:
DullAndOld · 11/04/2018 11:34

tbh there are people in my family that don't talk to me and my children because we are not 'smart' with a 'smart' car. They're all out there.

Original poster
morphyrichards99 · 11/04/2018 11:38

Silver, I dress very well myself & love my make up. I said the group in our school are easy to identify as they have a uniform of leisure wear, full make up & a 4x4. I run daily & go the gym regularly & don't wear make up personally as it melts off after 10 mins..

OP posts:
RedAndGreenPlaid · 11/04/2018 11:38

Ah well, different school, different cliques. At our school, those that walk to school are the envied group, as only those that are supremely wealthy can afford to live in the close environs of the school.
The nicest people don't actually care how one travels, or what clothes one wears!

Original poster
morphyrichards99 · 11/04/2018 11:39

It sounds like dcs school is an exception which is refreshing

OP posts:
PostNotInHaste · 11/04/2018 11:43

I found this at DD'S schopl. DS is a fair bit younger so when his time came he went to a different school literally just down the road but a hugely different atmosphere. It was almost surreal how different the two schools were in such close proximity.

LARLARLAND · 11/04/2018 11:50

It really isn't an exception OP Smile

Tinkobell · 11/04/2018 11:50

We've just ditched our 4x4 for a 2nd hand golf. The annual running costs, depreciation and fat tyres were the same cost as my part-time job. Now I see others driving them and think "rather you than me!"

longestlurkerever · 11/04/2018 11:58

My dd's school has some really affluent parents. It's hard not to feel inadequate when you visit their houses, but I've learned they're nice really, if sometimes living in crowd cuckoo land. I think you get shallow people in all walks of life but you don't have to be best friends with everyone. The conversation between William and Henry's parents sounded totally normal. Kids always fall out and make up.

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