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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you are only worth talking to on the school run if you drive a 4x4 & are minted...

120 replies

morphyrichards99 · 11/04/2018 09:55

The dc have been in school just over a year now. Their school is a state school in an affluent part of the city. The parents who live close enough to walk insist on driving their chelsea tractors to the gates (obviously to show off), parents who used to drive ordinary cars are upgrading to 4x4s. Quite a large percentage of the parents only acknowlege you if you are thin, wearing the right clothes (designer sportswear& full face of make up seems to be the uniform at the moment!) playdates are arranged on who the parents think are affluent & worth networking with not on who the kids are friends with... Some of my observations,however there are plenty of normal parents too. Even though there are some who appear to have jumped on the bandwagon & are trying to keep up with the joneses...

OP posts:
ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 11/04/2018 10:43

however there are plenty of normal parents too.

So talk to them. Stop eating yourself with whatever these bitter feelings are about what others wear and drive.

Alittlesandwich · 11/04/2018 10:43

So are wealthy good looking people not , " normal" ??

Gosh.

Hypermice · 11/04/2018 10:44

Some people are shallow
Some people may be driving because they are dropping the kids on the way to work or other errands

You don’t have to talk to or socialise with anyone you don’t want to at the school gates. Be yourself. I never have time to chat to parents or hang around anyway - it’s pickup or drop off and straight away and I seem to manage fine.

If you do want to use the school run as a socialising method then just ignore anyone who isn’t nice to you and concentrate on people you get along with. Don’t dismiss people on looks or their car choice, regardless of whether they are a supermodel or just dressed like the rest of us. It’s teally not a big deal

Ginandplatonic · 11/04/2018 10:45

Funny how the OPs of the numerous "cliquey/rich/4x4 driving/insert characteristic you disapprove of" school gate parents threads always criticise other parents for supposedly judging while being completely oblivious to how judgmental they are being themselves.

How on earth do you have such detailed knowledge of the reasons people you don't even like have for their life choices? And why do you care so much? Maybe just drive your choice of car and socialise with your choice of friends and let other people do the same.

newcupcake · 11/04/2018 10:45

Have you even tried to get to know these people ???

Alittlesandwich · 11/04/2018 10:45

The OP doesn't know if they are nice people or not , though, because she has already judged them and found them wanting.

Alittlesandwich · 11/04/2018 10:46

I suspect they don't want to talk to you because you're a nasty, judgemenat thundercunt rather than the car you drive.

ChelseeBun · 11/04/2018 10:47

"The parents who live close enough to walk insist on driving their chelsea tractors to the gates (obviously to show off)"

You might think this of me - but actually it is so I can get to work on time, losing an extra 10 mins walking back would be a problem. I also have a 4x4 - largely because I do a lot of motorway driving and this is what my company provides me with

upsideup · 11/04/2018 10:48

I drive a 4x4 to take the kids to school and wear sports clothes and no one talks to me? Probably because they incorrect judgements like you (All the single mums gather round DH though)

Mightymucks · 11/04/2018 10:49

Have you tried actually saying hello to them and trying to build up a relationship? There was one Mum at DS’s school I thought was like this and I’ve discovered she is actually quite pleasant. She’s still an alpha Mum (planned her kids births for September, has them in French and German lessons at 4) but she is alright.

Ploppymoodypants · 11/04/2018 10:49

Oh dear, I have just upgrade (well actually down graded is it’s 3 years older) to a 4x4 as live rurally and keep getting cut off due to flooded lanes and snow. I also drive the 5 minutes walk to school because staight after school I either work or go to dog walk to muck out horses (I know, I know). But honestly I talk to everyone (yes probably even those who then moan on mumsnet that they just want to keep themselves to themselves and hate it when other parents try and arrange play dates or chat. I also talk to the ones who walk, the ones who drive a older car and the ones who cycle and the ones who drive a brand new Mercedes). Honestly you can’t win on here. Be chatty and friendly and you are pushy and interfering and should realise that people are busy and don’t all want to be your friend. Don’t chat you are accused of being in a clique. I give up!

P.s. my new (to me) truck is even black with privacy glass in the back - the shame!!!

ZoeWashburne · 11/04/2018 10:50

You haven’t named one actual thing they have done to you. Just because it isn’t your taste doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Seems like you are standing around listening to their private conversations looking for reasons to not like them.

The fact you call it ‘normal parents’ and these women shoes that you spend an awful amount of headspace on people who have different interests. Who cares? They aren’t hurting you. They aren’t being nasty to you.

You sound rather bitter and resentful.

WorraLiberty · 11/04/2018 10:51

It seems school gate mums either wear too much make up, dress too nicely and have too much money.

Or they're spending all their benny-fits money on tattoos and Ugg boots, whilst driving the obligatory free car provided by the government.

Either way, they're all in a clique and determined never to talk to the OPs...

ethelfleda · 11/04/2018 10:52

I like SUVs I do t have one but hoping to get one at some point. I don't need one, I just like them. Find it strange that people would judge me on that basis Confused

Original poster
morphyrichards99 · 11/04/2018 10:55

Not being a judgey cow, just noticed plenty of oneupmanship & keeping up with the joneses at dcs school. It must be exclusive to dcs school though.. I did invite one of the 4x4 mums for tea, she didn't understand how dh & I cope with one car & compared her dc & mine for the hour she was here (she wasn't happy one of my dcs was a fluid reader & questioned her comprehension of what she reads!!!).. Didn't reciprocate the invite & has found her tribe with the two car families...

OP posts:
QuiteLikely5 · 11/04/2018 10:57

Well you have dodged a bullet!

Be grateful

DullAndOld · 11/04/2018 10:58

oh honestly i wouldnt give it another thought.
I mean, you chose that school for a reason right?
Was it because it was rather lovely?
What did you expect?
You just sound chippy tbh.

Original poster
morphyrichards99 · 11/04/2018 11:00

We chose the nearest school dull & old, we were lucky to get in as it has a very small catchment, very happy with the school & the dc are excelling

OP posts:
ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 11/04/2018 11:00

😂😂😂 you invited one person for tea and because you don’t like her have decided that everyone who drives a similar vehicle is a cow. You’re an idiot. You mustn’t get out much.

FleurDelacoeur · 11/04/2018 11:00

What a massive chip you have on that shoulder of yours OP.

Ginandplatonic · 11/04/2018 11:01

Didn't reciprocate the invite & has found her tribe with the two car families

Or maybe she's "found her tribe" with people who actually like her and don't bitch about her online behind her back?

Original poster
morphyrichards99 · 11/04/2018 11:06

I don't believe in comparing 4 year old children who have just started reception. No chip on my shoulder, I was asked upthread had I made an effort& was merely replying to my experience. Zibidoo I have a very active work & social life ! Grateful for your concern!

OP posts:
DullAndOld · 11/04/2018 11:12

" we were lucky to get in "

right, so why are you whining about other people being richer than you are?

pigmcpigface · 11/04/2018 11:13

I knew you were going to catch hell for this thread! The 'You're just jealous' brigade out in force! Grin

I think people who only want to be and to know/socialise with those who are wealthy, aspirational, and conspicuous consumers are a bit shallow. They're missing out, too, because most of the interesting, kind and sweet people I know are not like that in their behaviour or their values.

I would just get on with forming your own relationships with people you genuinely think are interesting - it transforms those trying to establish and work these hierarchies into a source of considerable entertainment and amusement. They try so very hard at it, and it genuinely takes a ton of effort.

Tinkobell · 11/04/2018 11:13

@Frankfurt17 ....where the hell is Spam Valley?
OP .....you need to emigrate to some quiet land where life is simple and there is no social one-upmanship.....quit the rat race!
Re: 4x4's ....most are diesel and their values are plummeting, so have a snigger at that!
Get over it or your head will implode!