To want to sell this house!

[Seaviewsunshine]

So we bought a house 18 months ago. A big lovely house in a dream village, primarily so our DS could start school where we wanted him to be. But to do that we had to max out everything (huge mortgage and use all our savings) and now we’re struggling to afford it and have very little disposable income. A few factors in play here, DH diagnosed with a chronic illness after being poorly for a couple of years meant I had to step down my job and I now hardly earn anything, a complete house renovation which we hadn’t planned on doing, naivity that we could live on nothing and somehow be happy! Our marriage is suffering as my poor DH is going all the house renovations whilst working full time and we have 2 small kids (DS 4 & DD 2) who are busy!! We have no money for anything fun and the smallest expense is a worry. Do we stick it out and hope things get better?! Or downsize considerably and hope that alleviates the pressure. Realistically this would mean relocating DS school, making some big concessions on the location/features of house and for me to find a new job.

I think often the costs associated with moving outweigh the savings made, so look into this. In 18 months things will improve as the childcare costs will fall and you’ll be able to increase your income. Personally I would stick it out, unless the house is huge and savings made through downsizing significant.

We moved just before my daughter was born into a bigger house. I really liked it, but my DH hated it. It really unsettled him and he wasn't happy there. After trying to stick it out for 4 years, we moved to a smaller, but more than adequate property. We put the profit into a saving account and over paid whenever we were allowed. We paid off the mortgage within 4 years, still have stuff to do on the house, but I can honestly say it was one of the best decisions we ever made.
Before we did it, we laid out a set of criteria for the house we were looking to buy and didn't deviate from it. We actually walked away from the house we bought because it didn't, at first sight, look like it fulfilled it, but I'm so glad we did it. I fear my DH's mental health would have suffered had we stayed, and we are so much happier now. Having choice over how we spend some of our income makes a massive difference, but in our case, feeling settled and comfortable was also crucial.

If the DIY is that necessary then would you have difficulties selling?

My old neighbour bought a huge house which was flats, lived in one rented the other four out. Was constantly needing to do work, on top of work needed when moving in (there was a lot!) It was put up for sale over three years ago at a reasonable price that jeeps dropping but no one wants it because of the work that's needed, despite the essentials having been done, as it still needs a lot of upkeep.

They've moved and got somewhere else (another nightmare for different reasons - mainly not getting a proper surveyors report done first) but my point is this person has wasted huge amounts of money moving from place to place for decades and is still struggling.

I think you need to distance youself from this and do it in a non emotional way, so think of yourself as advising a close friend in your situation knowing all the facts and put them on paper and look at it objectively. If the DIY is cosmetic in anyway slow down on that, get all the facts about DH illness, difficulties selling (potentially) and those costs etc.

We've just made the decision to stay in our perfectly big enough but nothing aspirational 3/4 bed semi rather than add £150k for the pleasure of being detached and having a utility room.

We figured the extra money would be better spent making this place great, putting some away and then having good holidays and a lifestyle which makes up happy.

If it'll reduce your stress then sell up and downsize. Life is too short to be miserable, you'll end up resenting the time, effort and money spent on the house in the end.

Could you do some work in the evenings or weekends to bring a bit more money in ?

I would change the mortgage to interest only, rent it out and move to a much smaller property. You might even earn a little bit of money from the rent.

Not an easy situation, but I think your property will need to be finished to achieve the best price. Call in favours where you can. Have you got friends or family close by who can help. Most people including builders don’t really like picking up on unfinished projects IMHO. Unless it’s cheap enough, of course. Focus on getting rooms finished one by one rather than having lots going as that will get you down. It’s really to have a few calm rooms to escape the chaos for a bit! It will be good for your DH too. Some good suggestions from PP too OP.

Sell it ! We are in a position now where we could get a 'big' house compared to our shabby semi but we would be mortgaged up to our eyeballs with no disposable income. Our youngest has a tiny room and our house is the smallest of most of our friends but it's cosy and we like it and we love having money to do things and for treats.
The childcare costs aren't that much less once kids start school as wrap around care adds up and no free 30 hours like preschoolers so things don't change massively once they're at school so financially things won't improve unless you drastically change career paths

I still cant understand the response to your dh being ill is to give him sole responsibility for earning all the money and doing all the diy. Seems entirely heartless

OP has already answered that her DH's salary far outweighs hers, no doubt to meet the large mortgage payments he has to continue to work full time.

So by the sounds of it they've worked things out as best they can, he is working and doing the skilled DIY jobs in the house such as wiring, tiling and plumbing. OP is worried about his health and doing what she can to help with the renovations while also doing all the caring for their 4 and 2 year old outside of school/nursery hours, earning what she can working part time time within school hours, presumably doing all the regular housework and has no family to help nearby. She must be knackered too with her DH not able to take over with the kids at the weekend to give her a break!!

With the house not in a condition to put on the market straightaway it sounds like a difficult 18 months at least to push through until both children are in full time school so the OP can maybe work more hours/change career (though there's still school holidays to cover). But then if moving means out of the area and to a different school I can imagine them wanting to move the older child as soon as possible and before the younger starts. Then they're back to a rush to finish the renovations to sell which her DH is struggling with so there's no straightforward solution.

I'd say stay put and push through in the short term but that's easier said than done.

I think your immediate answer would be to get a lodger and stop renovations assuming that there is a room that is suitable to be let out. A divorce will end up being much more expensive than moving to a smaller property so you should probably aim to downsize as soon as possible. Whatever you decide, don't get into debt by throwing more money into renovations instead of selling up. Selling at a reduced price is better than needing a loan or extending your mortgage.

It might cost you more in the short term to sell, if you don’t have much equity in the house and you also have to find cash for fees, stamp duty etc.

It sounds like you are heavily reliant on your husband as the high earner, so for me the priority would be maintaining his health so he can work.

Is there a travel/ unpredictability / staying late element with your husband’s job, or could you work extra hours on evenings/ weekends?

Can the DIY be paused? Is there any way of calling in babysitting favours so that you and DH can work on the essential renovations together, which should make it quicker?

I would say sell it - but with all the legal fees and stamp duty you might end up downsizing and not having much more disposable money - at least in the short term. Unless you could find somewhere you would be happy with that would be significantly cheaper? Hard to know without knowing area.
Trying to sell with renovations part way through will be hard, and selling, buying and moving are stressful too.
I'd work out all the fees / stamp duty and see how much you'd actually be saving and look at houses you would be able to afford with the saving. I'd be inclined to try and stick it out if you can. All the fees are just dead money. At least the mortgage payments are going towards the house.

Few moneysaving things - are you registered for tax free childcare for any childcare expenses you have (saves 20%)?

-Do you have a reasonably mathmatical/logical brain and are not template by gambling? If so Matched betting is something you could do around kids and could earn you an extra £100-200 per month. There is a thread on here somewhere.

-Lodger sounds like a good idea.

I would try and ride it out, but maybe pause renovations wherever possible. Re-evaluate when the kids are older - you might value the larger space once they are 12 and 10 with friends traipsing all over the house.

Sorry if I have missed anything, but have you had the house valued op? You could of course put it on the market when more renovations are completed to hedge your bets - or perhaps you may feel this would add more pressure onto an already difficult situation. At least you would know where you stand. A decent Estate Agent will suggest ways to maximise the chances of a sale at the best price.

I am in my fifties now and probably live in a house that a lot of people would like but works on it are an ongoing theme. It is always expensive even if you diy. Tbh, it is not the house I have been happiest in op, there have been happier times when we had a lesser house and less money. Probably my favourite house was our first and I often drive past it remembering times when we had so much to look forward to. Perhaps I am viewing through rosetinted spectacles although I sold it over 30 years ago and the same lady still lives there.

Have you had a look at anything else. I don't mean just on rightmove because you have to get a feel for a home.

I am sorry you are in this stressful situation, but it is not insurmountable and you can move on.

I would change the mortgage to interest only, rent it out and move to a much smaller property. You might even earn a little bit of money from the rent

No you wouldn’t.

It’s very difficult to get an IO mortgage now.

Unless they have a massive deposit it is unlike the rental income will be high enough to move onto a BTL mortgage.

The house needs electric and gas safe certificates, and and EPC rating of E or better.

And then they would need to find a tenant who didn’t mind living in a house that is DIY SOS.

Get the house ready and sell it OP.
Your marriage, your health and peace of mind are what ultimately matters. 💐

Fluffy, we got one 2 years ago, but admittedly on a 40% deposit. We live in our property, but our new neighbours are a nightmare, so we are thinking about moving to a rental property, letting out our property and we will also be making about 1k a month from the rent if we move 15 min down the road, out of the school catchment, which we don’t use anyway.

I mean 15 min walk.

So sorry OP, this sounds tough.

IMO it depends on the amounts in question - this If you were to sell and buy something smaller wouldn’t the cost of moving, legal/ agents fees and stamp duty add up? is key. How much smaller are you considering? And at what price? Because moving from a £500k house to a £400k house isn't necessarily going to free up 20% of your income once the various fees (and potentially less favourable mortgage deals on offer at the moment) are factored in.

In your shoes I'd do some combination of:
a) An evening/weekend job to bring a bit more money in
b) Focus on one room at a time - we're living in a project and half the battle is the fact that something needs doing wherever you look.
c) Any chance of a skills swap with a tradey? As a solicitor I once drew up a template agreement for the builders who did my bathroom, to knock some £££ off the bill.

So your husband is working full time with a chronic health condition and still has to do all the diy because it is 'husband work' and you are not much good at it? Is that right?
I wonder if it was the other way round and he expected you to send a few birthday cards, can you imagine the outrage on here? The cries of 'wife work' would be in every other post.
Double standards!!

Can you change to an interest only mortgage for a couple of years?

mrs OP has mentioned upthread that the things in question are "plumbing, tiling and electrics" - I'm all for having a go but this is a skill / qualification thing rather than a "husband work" thing, surely?

It wasn’t a shell but we made it into one!! The family who we bought it from had lived here 40 years and had used a lot of lining paper and paint to hide stuff. We had to rewire and replace the heating which meant we had to change layouts and bathroom locations otherwise it would have been ripped out again later. We then had a major damp problem and had to ‘tank’ a huge room. Then the roof started leaking so that needed replacing. We had saved some equity from our old house to ‘do up’ the new one but that went very quickly. We’ve begged, borrowed and just about got enough cash to finish what we started. So the majority of it will be done...except for the kitchen and family bathroom which are dated and manky but we agreed we can live with those. We can pay all the bills (food etc too) but we have very little left. We knew this would be the case but it’s much harder in realty living like that. We will loose my DD nursery bill in Sep which will take some pressure off but not loads. There is the potential for DH to move up the career ladder but now isn’t the time for us. My job is complicated to explain. Public sector, paid on a call out basis, fluctuates massively. But very flexible hours which helps with childcare/school pick ups etc.

I’ve been scouring Rightmove. We could move to a different village and get a house £100k less which would save us £400 a month on the mortgage and it would be smaller so less bills. We have equity in our current house which we could take out to pay the moving costs. Not ideal but we have a way to cover it. There will be some compromises e.g change of school, longer commute, no garage/drive, 1 less bedroom or reception room (reasons we moved in first place and why we pushed to get into the village/house we’re in).

I’m very torn between trying to ride it out and find some sources of income (lodger/air bnb etc) or ‘quit whilst we’re ahead’ (just!). I don’t know if we’d regret it later on or it would be a huge relief. The thought of moving again so soon feels like another stress to go through.

I know a few people have said that I should go back to work full time so my DH can focus on getting better/doing DIY. I don’t have the earning power he does. Whether I like it or not he’s the main breadwinner. We agreed that I would step down my job after maternity leave as he found the pressure of his job and sharing nursery drop offs etc too much. So in order for him to focus on his career we have reverted to a more ‘traditional’ role. I do all of the house work, washing etc, school run and holiday childcare. He earns the bacon. When our kids are both in school I can consider going back to my old career but at the moment I think sharing the school run etc would push DH over the edge!!

I think it sounds like you overreached yourselves (of course not knowing what the future held) and the dream has turned out to be a millstone. There is no point living in a dream village if you end up splitting up your family or looking back on 10 years of miserable living in a never-finished building project when you should be enjoying your young family.

I would say your options are

• Tough it out and try to finish the work, but you still have the mortgage.
• Get it valued to sell as it is, half done - even if you have to take a hit.
• Finish off the work even if you have to borrow a bit, to a basic standard, and sell up.

Sometimes you have to backtrack in life. I would really look at more affordable houses, there will be one. It will really take the pressure off. It doesn't cost that much to move house, about £10k, and it comes off your sale proceeds.