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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To warn my friend to be careful about going on holiday while on sick leave?

95 replies

rebsemmie · 10/04/2018 16:47

One of my dearest friends has been off work for the last 4 weeks because of a digestive fungus. Her health is not great in general, she tends to catch bugs and viruses very often, so she has taken quite a bit of time off work in the last year, but nothing unreasonable. She has a relatively entry-level professional job at a big company.

Yesterday I called her to ask her how she was, and she said she is not doing well at all, in fact she is getting worse and she has terrible issues with extreme fatigue and headaches. As a result, she decided to take another 2 weeks off from work, for a total of 6 weeks off. She hopes she will be able to go back to work at the beginning of May.

Then she told me she is going on holiday to Greece next week as she thinks unplugging under the sun will improve her health. Honestly, I don't know if going on holiday will improve her health or not, but I am bit concerned that she will post on social media from her holiday (she is very active on social media) and that she might have serious trouble at work if her colleagues see that she went on holiday while being on sick leave. I know for sure she is connected to several colleagues on social media.

If I was her manager and I found out she went on holiday, I would seriously question whether she was really sick or just taking the piss. In fact, at my old job a colleague received an official reprimand because she took a sick day to care for her sick child and then posted a pic on fb on the beach with her child. Her manager assumed she lied about her child being sick and that she just wanted a day off.

So, AIBU to warn my friend to be careful about posting from her holiday? Or should I mind my own business? I am concerned she might take offence and think I am criticising her for going on holiday, when in fact I am just really worried there might be serious consequences if she is not careful.

OP posts:
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mygrandchildrenrock · 10/04/2018 16:50

You ABU.
My GP once told me I ought to go on holiday, whilst I was off sick, it would aid my recovery. I went to a Greek Island too, must be something about the sea and sunshine there!

pigmcpigface · 10/04/2018 16:52

I think this is one of those situations where there's right and there's sensible, and they're not necessarily the same.

It's unwise, if you are off sick, to post on social media about being on holiday because people often assume that all illness is like flu, i.e. you can't get out of bed.

However, actually going away can be a huge help to people - not just for MH issues but some physical conditions. So people shouldn't really be so judgemental.

It would be prudent to warn your friend, but you need to be tactful about phrasing it in such a way that you don't appear to be questioning the reality of her illness! This should be relatively straightforward to do, though.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 10/04/2018 16:53

I'd stay out of it to be honest.

If she's daft enough to post photos of herself on hols while she's off sick the company is probably better off without her.

If she's serious about doing it in an effort to improve her health, she needs to discuss it with her HR department.

Can't imagine they're that impressed with the amount of time she's had off already is she is only entry-level. Has she been signed off by GP?

Parentingissotough · 10/04/2018 16:54

I work in HR. It depends. If going on holiday is likely to aid her recovery then that’s reasonable but she should tell her manager / employer first. Everywhere I have worked has had a clear statement that you should not undertake activities that are contrary to the cause of your sickness absence, e.g. triathlon training when off with a shoulder injury (no, really). She should be honest with her employer. A supportive letter from her GP would be helpful. From what you describe I have to be honest and say I would be dubious without the transparency and GP letter.

Ohyesiam · 10/04/2018 16:54

Why wouldn’t you ask her about it? She’ll either explain why it’s not a worry, or she’ll say thanks for pointing that out.

bastardkitty · 10/04/2018 16:55

If there is a health benefit to going on holiday, she should tell her employer that she will be taking a holiday and unavailable for sickness meetings. It's not clever to post holiday photos on social media because it doesn't reflect well for colleagues who may be picking up her workload.

Aria2015 · 10/04/2018 16:56

Our place of work has a policy that says of you're off sick its ok to go on holiday as long as it’s not detrimental to your health. It acknowledges that in some instances going on holiday could actually be beneficial. You do have to tell HR though.

AornisHades · 10/04/2018 17:03

Her going on holiday whilst signed off is a different matter to someone else self certing as sick to care for a child (who was well enough for a day out). The latter involved a wrong use of a sick day.

Troels · 10/04/2018 17:04

Doc recommended we took my Mum away for a holiday when she was first diagnosed with an overactive thyroid. She had been signed off for a few weeks to rest and he said it might make her rest more if she wasn't home and cleaning/cooking/ironing, her worked were told and given the sick note and were fine.

milliegeobotandyou · 10/04/2018 17:05

Let her make her own mistakes, if she's stupid enough to post it on her FB then leave her to it.

Thinkingofausername1 · 10/04/2018 17:07

If she doesn't put it on Facebook she'll probably be ok. But she is putting her health at risk.

Idontdowindows · 10/04/2018 17:08

A lot of workplaces recognise that holidays may aid recuperation and have rules pertaining to that.

milliegeobotandyou · 10/04/2018 17:08

Having said that though my friend had a really bad skin condition that was awful and the Drs couldn't figure it out, she was shedding every day it was awful for her, she lost all her confidence etc. Her body was attacking itself and she had time off work.

It finally went away after she went to Cyprus for a week! The change in environment/sun must have stopped her body attacking itself.

ReanimatedSGB · 10/04/2018 17:09

Perhaps the issue is whether your friend has (and is in the process of being diagnosed with) some kind of longterm condition which is why she keeps getting these illnesses - or whether she is your basic old-fashioned lead-swinger. If the company is legit (rather than exploitative) then even an entry-level employee will have the right to go through a structured sickness procedure before being dismissed, and if the holiday is being taken in line with her doctor's advice, it will be fine.

Springtrolls · 10/04/2018 17:12

When I was off work sick, my boss suggested I go on holiday. Just take some clothes, a book to read and book somewhere all-inclusive was suggested.
That I wouldn't have to say anything because I was off anyway. Sickness meetings I didn't have any. Just a very quick chat if I took sick notes in. And the occasional email to ask how I was doing, and in one he suggested the above. Even suggested some lovely places to visit.

CoffeeOrSleep · 10/04/2018 17:16

If I was you, I'd advise her to check her travel insurance will cover anything relating to the ongoing condition - as failure to declare it could make her policy invalid.

Work wise, say nothing. It's probably a terrible idea to go without mentioning to HR, it's probably going to destroy whatever good will she had left with colleagues, but those are things she's got to work out for herself.

LizzieDarcy1907 · 10/04/2018 17:25

She will need to inform her employer that she is unavailable for meetings, and doing this to aid her recuperation. Yes a bit of sun and break from routine can be a very good thing but when others are covering for that person and maybe losing their own leave entitlement to do so, it can cause a lot of bad feeling - especially if it is splashed over social media.

TittyGolightly · 10/04/2018 17:27

In general terms, if she’s not available to meet with her manager she’s on leave. Where I work the tine away would be deducted from her leave entitlement (whilst sick leave continues).

fruitbrewhaha · 10/04/2018 17:34

If she posts photos of herself drinking fish bowls in Malia then no, not a good idea.

If however she is convalescing, in a warm climate, it's good idea. Best not to post on fb though.

The idea that if you are on sick leave you should be tucked up in bed or you're shirking is pretty outdated.

Mouseville65 · 10/04/2018 17:35

I'm a senior manager and currently have a lady on long term sick - she popped in last week with a new sick note and told me what a wonderful time she'd had in Paris. It wasn't a problem as far as I was concerned- if you'r GP signs you off sick it doesn't really make a difference to me where you rest up/get better.

Pollaidh · 10/04/2018 17:47

She should mention it to HR and see what they say.

I was once signed off with PTSD and the doctor TOLD me to get outside, spend time in the park, go to museums etc. I bumped into some colleagues, which was awkward.

When I was signed off with pregnancy-related complications the Occupational Health doctor appointed by work told me to go on holiday and included it in his report.

Thegreatestshowwomen · 10/04/2018 17:51

I had been really ill recovering from a nasty infection of the stomach and bowels that nearly killed me. I was off for six months in total. My boss suggested going away for a a couple of weeks in the sixth month as the sun and relaxation would help

VelvetSpoon · 10/04/2018 17:56

In her shoes I would clear it with HR first.

My concern about her going abroad with digestive issues is what if she picks up some kind of holiday tummy? The insurance point is a really good one, she will need to make sure she declares her health problems and gets suitable cover which can add quite q bit to the holiday cost (but if you have health issues is absolutely essential).

Bodicea · 10/04/2018 18:04

We all need holidays to help us destress etc. Doesn’t mean we need to take sick leave to take them. Why can’t she use her holiday allowance like everyone else does instead of extending her sick leave. If she can get through travelling to the airport and all the other stresses that come with the start and end of a holiday she can’t be that sick.

Pecano · 10/04/2018 18:15

This happened at my company - someone reported a colleague because they went on holiday when they were signed off sick. HR basically said there was a huge difference between being well enough to travel/lie on a beach and being well enough to work ( our job is quite active) so she hadn’t done anything wrong

Didn’t stop a lot of other collegeues thinking she was a CF and moaning non stop about it though