Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset?

86 replies

Smokedcheesenham · 10/04/2018 01:10

I went on a night out with friends and their boyfriends. One of the girls who I am very close to is model stunning and tanned and beautiful. I am pretty but have gained weight, shorterand was feeling insecure. I might have heard wrong but think I overheard her new boyfriend telling her how she was the best of the group? Ie me and my girlfriends, her closest friends. While it goes without saying he would think this, I think it’s low to pit us against each other when it’s just a fun night.

OP posts:
LifeBeginsAtGin · 10/04/2018 07:06

I'd find something more serious to worry about.

SparklyMagpie · 10/04/2018 07:08

Bloody hell

TaytoAllDay · 10/04/2018 07:12

Well, I mean, I would expect my boyfriend to tell me I'm the best of my group. He's not meant to think you are. And definitely wasn't pitting you against eachother. You weren't even meant to hear the comment.

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 10/04/2018 07:13

Maybe she is very insecure about her looks and wanted reassurance from him? Being a model might make her feel vulnerable as she is always around women who are competing with her on that basis

she's probably really hard work

That's not very fair now is it. Her new fella obviously fancies the pants off her and paid her a compliment.

How you have turned that round into her being insecure and hard work, is bloody ludicrous!!!

OP, by your own admission, your friend is stunning and her boyfriend just told her the same. Sorry you overheard and it made you feel sad, but you need to get over it really.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 10/04/2018 07:13

You weren't meant to hear it, it was for her ears only.
He was flattering her, letting her know he only has eyes for her.
This is very normal OP, nothing at all, to concern yourself about.

FoodGloriousFud · 10/04/2018 07:15

Definitely being unreasonable! Very odd thing to get upset about.

DeathStare · 10/04/2018 07:17

Men like to judge women. They call it a compliment when it is actually a male dominance display. That nice guy isn't a nice guy which I suspect your friend is probably figuring out from remarks like that

Oh FGS.... he said it privately to his girlfriend, he didn't announce it to the room. It's the exact kind of thing that many people (male or female) say to their partner. It's not about dominance it's about trying to make her feel confident, about complimenting her.

If she'd have replied with "and you're the best looking man here" would she have been trying to be dominant? And who would have been more dominant - him or her? Would she also have been not a nice person?

It's the kind of thing I've said, the kind of thing PPs have said, the kind of thing PPs OHs have said. Are we all not nice people?

bimbobaggins · 10/04/2018 07:19

Exactly what I was going to say danny
Op yabu and ridiculous.
Work on your own self esteem perhaps

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 10/04/2018 07:21

Men like to judge women. They call it a compliment when it is actually a male dominance display. That nice guy isn't a nice guy which I suspect your friend is probably figuring out from remarks like that

So the PP who would say the same to her male DP is doing what?! Or are you just one of the professionally offended?

dontbesillyhenry · 10/04/2018 07:21

Try not to be so fixated on looks
Anything can happen to change our appearance/disfigure us we are still the same person underneath. Work on improving that

FrancisCrawford · 10/04/2018 07:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

icelollycraving · 10/04/2018 07:28

Bizarre. He finds his partner attractive, which is kind of the idea whether it’s physically or mentally.
You’ve already said she’s gorgeous so it’s probably true.
It’s not like he stood declaring his favourite and asking you to fight it out Grin
I guess you were a bit pissed when you wrote your op?!

Dancingmonkey87 · 10/04/2018 07:30

Yabu he’s not excately going to say your mint babe your mate over their is stunning and the best in the room by far. He was paying his gf a complaint to her it wasn’t a back handed dig calling all you guys dogs.

readyforapummelling · 10/04/2018 07:30

Did I read the OP wrong or did the op say the GF said it TO her BF? Not the other way round?

readyforapummelling · 10/04/2018 07:31

Yeah I read it wrong. It's early. I've been up all night with baby. Do forgive me Smile

ShiftyMcGifty · 10/04/2018 07:31

“Men like to judge women. They call it a compliment when it is actually a male dominance display.
That nice guy isn't a nice guy which I suspect your friend is probably figuring out from remarks like that.”

I did just choke on my coffee a bit. Hmm
Yeah, women do the same exact thing.

Lovemusic33 · 10/04/2018 07:36

I think it’s a pretty normal thing for a boyfriend to say to his girlfriend and I don’t see why your upset. If I had a boyfriend I would expect him to think I was the best looking (because when you love someone they are the best?). I think you are over thinking things. To him she is the best looking, doesn’t mean all men would agree?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 10/04/2018 07:40

So.......... a new BF compliments his new GF and her mate gets all pissy.

Then A N Other woman says it's all male dominance.

So, when did we humans miss the message that physical attraction is now a sign of abuse?

FFS! If my DH had never told me he thought I was the sexiest woman in the room, and if I had never thought/said the same of him, we'd never have had any relationship at all. Let alone still be saying it 30 odd years later - when our now short round physiques give the sentiment the lie!

OP - just stop it! Whatever little green eyed monster popped up when you overheard a private conversation, just drown it. Consider why you resent the usual 'love bird' chatter and why you made so much nastiness out of such an innocuous compliment, seriously, stop being such a prima donna!

lostfrequencies · 10/04/2018 07:43

Agree with others, YABU. You sound insecure and you should focus on that, not on a man telling his girlfriend she's attractive.

missbonita · 10/04/2018 08:00

My dh has been known to tell me when we get home that he is pleased he ‘got the best one’ - he’s doesn’t mean to upset anyone or objectify me, it’s just a clumsy compliment. Focus on how you feel about yourself and not how her bf feels about her.

BanyanTree · 10/04/2018 08:05

Are you 14?

MargotLovedTom1 · 10/04/2018 08:08

He's hardly pitting you against each other, unless he made you perform a Miss World style swimsuit round with his scoreboard at the ready Grin. You mention your friends and their boyfriends - do you have a partner OP?

Karigan1 · 10/04/2018 08:11

If you were both models I would expect a guys boyfriend to still be telling her he thinks she’s the best of the bunch. He SHOULD think that or why is he dating her.

Let it go. For the right person you will be the best of the bunch

Copperbonnet · 10/04/2018 12:17

bewilderness I know a man, who when he gets drunk, likes to announce to the assembled company that his wife is “incredibly hot”.

He generally starts this around the time she is dancing in a fashion that might, by some, be considered inappropriate with her friends’ husbands.

Now that is a dominance display.

On both their parts.

pinkyredrose · 10/04/2018 12:20

Well he's hardly likely to tell her her friends are hotter than her is he.