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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by my in-laws opening my mail?

74 replies

ILikeMyChickenFried · 09/04/2018 17:14

We have just come back from spending some time living overseas.
During that time our mail was redirected to my in-laws. We had told them that they shouldn't get anything important as we do banking etc online and to just bin any obvious junk mail.
We picked it up yesterday and they've been opening it all. We don't have any bank statements etc going there but we do get these end of year summaries which they've been able to see as well as some other things I wouldn't really want other people to see.
My husband told them off a bit for it bit they don't think they've done anything wrong.

OP posts:
Copperbonnet · 09/04/2018 17:17

I would be volcanically furious.

We live abroad just now and have some mail redirected to my parents. They are scrupulous about our privacy.

Tentomidnight · 09/04/2018 17:19

What they have done is illegal. Maybe your dh could mention that to them, and then request a grovelling apology to you both. I would be absolutely furious.

Pengggwn · 09/04/2018 17:20

I'd be really angry. What reason have they given?

AimlesslyPurposeful · 09/04/2018 17:22

Reading someone else’s letters is very poor form.

It’s done now but they should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves!

I’d put them on the spot and ask them why they felt the need to be so nosy and say that it’s lucky they’re family as a friend would have been dropped for doing the same.

Original poster
ILikeMyChickenFried · 09/04/2018 17:27

DH mentioned it being illegal, they felt it didn't count as we are family.
I Just can't understand why they would do it. They couldn't really explain either.

OP posts:
Copperbonnet · 09/04/2018 17:29

It would make me wonder whether they have habitually look through your papers if they have the opportunity when they are visiting from you.

Raven88 · 09/04/2018 17:29

That crosses the line. I would feel a little violated and I wouldn't trust them as much. That may sound OTT but I'm a very private person.

Copperbonnet · 09/04/2018 17:30

^^ so many typos Blush

CotswoldStrife · 09/04/2018 17:31

I don't think they should have read the mail, but on the other hand maybe they wanted to see what you were using their address for.

Spangles1963 · 09/04/2018 17:32

They felt it didn't count as you're family? It doesn't matter that you are family,it s still illegal.

Greenhouseonthehill · 09/04/2018 17:32

What a pair of nosy twats. I’d be so irritated.

Copperbonnet · 09/04/2018 17:36

but on the other hand maybe they wanted to see what you were using their address for.

Cotswold sorry what?

You are implying the the OP’s PILs think they are running fraudulent credit schemes or identify theft while they are overseas via their parents house?

That’s not a reasonable scenario.

They were presumably asked if they wouldn’t mind receiving mail and said yes.

Dandellion · 09/04/2018 17:38

I would be livid. Do they have previous form for not respecting boundaries?

halfwitpicker · 09/04/2018 17:40

They couldn't explain it?

It's called 'nosy'

Original poster
ILikeMyChickenFried · 09/04/2018 17:41

We weren't technically using their address. All of our banks etc had our address but as we weren't at the house to receive the mail we used royal mail's redirection service to have it delivered at PIL's, ironically for safe keeping!

OP posts:
CuntPuffin · 09/04/2018 17:42

How would they know for sure that there was nothing important without opening it? They probably thought they were doing you a favour.

It is only illegal to open other people's post if you do it with the intention of acting to their detriment. The physical act of opening the letter is perfectly legal.

My brother has been using our address as his poste restante for the last year. He is grateful for me opening anything when I am not sure if it is important or not. I then WhatsApp a photo of it to him for him to deal with.

EBearhug · 09/04/2018 17:43

I don't understand why you would forward the mail to them if you didn't want them to open it, just in case anything was urgent. I know you weren't expecting anything, but it's the unexpected things which need dealing with and you'd need a mail about.

CotswoldStrife · 09/04/2018 17:43

Wow Copperbonnet you really think the worst of people quickly don't you Grin Who mentioned identity fraud apart from you?!

purplecorkheart · 09/04/2018 17:43

My Dad would be a bit like that. It drove me bonkers when I lived at home. It is purely being nosey.

ajandjjmum · 09/04/2018 17:45

Maybe they thought you expected that, to keep an eye on anything important that came in?

Original poster
ILikeMyChickenFried · 09/04/2018 17:45

I suppose we couldn't be 100% sure there was nothing important there but we'd told them there wasn't anything important and said they didn't need to do anything with it.

OP posts:
spugzbunny · 09/04/2018 17:46

I'm with CuntPuffin (Grin) ... how would they know what was urgent if they didn't look at the mail? I can understand why they thought they were doing the right thing considering your instructions

Copperbonnet · 09/04/2018 17:47

Cotswold what other possible motive would you propose for imagining that the parents might reasonably need to know “what they were using ther address for”

I can’t think of one but I await edification.

CotswoldStrife · 09/04/2018 17:49

Tax?

Original poster
ILikeMyChickenFried · 09/04/2018 17:49

I can't understand how they thought they were doing the right things when our instructions were that there shouldn't be anything important so there's no need to do anything with it except keep it safe and through out any obvious junk.
Almost amusingly I have a years worth of White company booklets ready and waiting for me!

OP posts:
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