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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends husband messaging me. AIBU?

100 replies

Maybellissimo · 08/04/2018 21:53

He’s actually the husband of a friend of a friend. He is following me on Instagram, he likes all my pictures and has started privately messaging me, innocently at first, asking after the kids etc, then telling me how good looking I am, I haven’t changed since he last saw me blah blah, sending me blowy kisses emojis. I’ve screen shot the lot and am seriously considering sending it to his wife. My sister is staying at mine at the mo because her perfect husband has been sexting women and videoing himself screwing them. I want to tell his wife AIBU?

OP posts:
flumpybear · 08/04/2018 23:20

I'd call him out on his behaviour

Dear fuckwit
Please stop sending inappropriate fishing messages and concentrate on your own wife, not other peoples wives - I'm blocking you now before I feel the urge to tell your wife what kind of rat you are

PositiveProton · 08/04/2018 23:25

Screen shot and send to his wife. If I was his wife I would want to know. If my husband was messaging other women saying what he said to you, I would be annoyed. It doesn't have to be outright explicit sexting for it to be I appropriate.
It could also give him a shock and prevent him doing what your sister's husband did.

PositiveProton · 08/04/2018 23:26

*should not have to be explicit sexting for it to be considered inappropriate.

sockunicorn · 08/04/2018 23:29

Would you want to know if your DH was sending messages like this? Think thats your answer xx

SomeKnobend · 08/04/2018 23:30

Yep screenshot and send to the wife. I'd want to know if my dh was up to that sort of thing. Arsehole.

Wheresthebeach · 08/04/2018 23:31

Ignore. If it continues when you ignore...then you need to send a message saying 'Stop contacting me in private message'. Nice and clear. He'll probably leave you alone then. As for his wife - tricky. I'd leave it.

MarvelleGazelle · 08/04/2018 23:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DearMrDilkington · 08/04/2018 23:36

I would want to know and I'd have no bad feelings towards you for telling me.

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 08/04/2018 23:41

I'd tell her, if I was the wife i would want to know what a shit bag of a husband he is , it isn't pleasant but neither is a life time of being cheated on xx

SleepingStandingUp · 08/04/2018 23:41

Send to the wife and then block him

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 08/04/2018 23:59

Oh, ffs just ignored Him and let him move on to someone else, he will.

AnnieAnoniMouser · 09/04/2018 00:05

Screen shot & send to his wife. Let her decide how she feels about him sniffing around other women. I’m not one of the ‘cool wives’...he’d be out on his arse.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/04/2018 00:06

and it's totally ok that he's possibly, probably, definitely trying to screw around behind his wife's back, potentially putting her at risk of God knows what?

SleepingStandingUp · 09/04/2018 00:06

That was in reply to allthegoodusernameshavegone

Fatandfrigid · 09/04/2018 00:18

Block him and move on
Do not under any circumstances involve his wife

SandyY2K · 09/04/2018 00:18

You can:

  1. Ignore
  2. Block
  3. Tell the closer friend
  4. Respond and tell him you find this inappropriate behaviour for a married man and he needs better boundaries. One more message and you'll forward everything he's sent to his wife.

Incidentally why women shoot the messenger is beyond me. Talk about burying their heads in the sand. Pure stupidity.

If the messenger has evidence it's rather foolish to shoot them. Then again.. these are the women who stay with serial cheats.

MiddleClassProblem · 09/04/2018 00:22

It depends how well you know this friend of a friends whether to block or tell (or both). Or if you are both very close with the friend in the middle or not too.

hdh747 · 09/04/2018 00:55

I'd want to be told but not everyone would. If I was telling her I'd try and word it in a way that didn't embarrass her and let her decide what to do with it, something along the lines of, 'I'm really not sure if I should consider this out of order, but you're his wife and I'll let you decide, sorry if I'm misunderstanding' and leave the ball in her court. Because I reckon when the messanger is shot it's maybe not so much for telling but for putting the wife on the spot in terms of what she should do about it.

TutTutButt · 09/04/2018 01:13

say would your wife like how inappropriate you are being

halfwitpicker · 09/04/2018 01:26

I'd just block him and not say anything.
He knows the rules.

These men!

Shocking.

honeyroar · 09/04/2018 01:58

Would the posters who say ignore it and block want to know if their husband was dirty/flirty messaging other women and people were talking about it b hind your back?

I'd want to know. I was cheated on and one of the things that humiliated me the most was that people must have known and didn't tell me.

Adversecamber22 · 09/04/2018 02:51

I had a dodgy msg from a male friend, I have blocked him now but replied and told him to apologise and to never send messages like that. He totally lost it because I called him out and had a go at me for being uptight.

DrowningEveryDay · 09/04/2018 03:11

Screenshot just in case he tries to turn it back on you later, then block and ignore.

This.

Littlechocola · 09/04/2018 03:15

Stop replying. Ignore.

YaBasic · 09/04/2018 03:16

You say you want to inform the friend of a friend...I would show the messages to your mutual friend and ask what they think - if also female, he might have done it to them too. She also presumably knows the couple better and can also vouch for your good intentions.

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