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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In not really liking my mum singing Christian songs to my baby?

159 replies

theUrbanDryad · 11/05/2007 12:45

I probably am being unreasonable, but i hate the way my mum sings Christian songs to my baby. he's only 4 months, so unlikely to be indoctrinated anytime soon, but i have made it clear to her on a couple of occasions that we won't be bringing up ds in a Christian faith or in any religion at all.

the problem is that by her own admission, she is on a "mission" to convert people. which includes me, dh and ds. i grew up really resenting my strict Christian upbringing and i don't want ds to do the same, especially since neither me or dh are Christian. also, when i realised how much of a swizz the whole Christianity thing was (when i was about 16) it took me a long time to trust other things my mum said, as after all if she was wrong on this major thing, she could easliy be wrong in other things too. i want ds to trust his grandmother and not have his childhood troubled like mine was.

dh and i have already agreed that if he wants to find out about religion when he's older then we will be fine with that, but i would like him to do it on his own terms, and not have it rammed down his throat from birth, however lovingly.

OP posts:
wulfricsmummy · 11/05/2007 14:50

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LittleSarah · 11/05/2007 14:58

YANBU, in that it is irritating I am sure and that you realise it will do no harm.

My mum has recently started going back to church and mentioned something about dd going to Sunday school. Apparently she asked the minister what they had for children. Anyway, neither me nor dd's dad would want her (or allow her!) to go to Sunday school and when I reminded my mum of this she said something along the lines of, 'well you wouldn't have to know.' She didn't really mean it of course and sneaking my dd off to Sunday school would be a practical impossibility but still, the woman is SNEAKY...

After I laughed that off she said that she would be telling dd what she believed and so on which is of course fine. Just so long as she doesn't start telling dd what she should believe!

Muminfife · 11/05/2007 15:00

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tortoiseSHELL · 11/05/2007 15:00

TB isn't Catholic but Cherie is.

chocolattegirl · 11/05/2007 15:02

I must admit I was wary when my dd's paternal GM said she'd teach my dd about her faith (which is not mine) even though by their faith own rules, my dd is not of the same faith as her father since it follows the mother's religion. I still wouldn't have put it past his family to get her enrolled with their branch, notwithstanding.

pointydog · 11/05/2007 15:04

You are being unreasonable.

Being told about Christianity in whatever format at whatever age, does not mean your child will not be able to make up his own mind when he's an adult.

Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 11/05/2007 15:04

Chocaltegirl - that sounds fascinating. what religion is it??

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Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 11/05/2007 15:05

pointydog - i know this. i just don't want ds to grow up with the same confusion and bitterness i did. or be forced (or guilted) into going to Church or Sunday School.

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LittleSarah · 11/05/2007 15:06

(Or sneakily taken by grandmother )

Blu · 11/05/2007 15:06

Pick your fights.
Your ds is unlikely to be converted by one member of the family in the context of your own role in bringing him up - he will be aware - but all that will do is give hi something else to consider when he is old enough to decide for himself. Keeping a child separate from differnt views when small is not, imo, the best way to develop the idea that many people believe many different things, and to grow up with tolerance and understanding of that.

Personally, i sympathise: I would be irritated by a pro-active mission to convert him...but tread carefully - and to be very blunt - you have already lost contact with one of his grandparents because of wanting things done your way.

NKF · 11/05/2007 15:07

I think this is about you and your mother. Not about whether a baby can be indoctrinated. Even if he were five or 10, a few of Granny's songs wouldn't make him a Christian. There's a lot more to it than that.

pointydog · 11/05/2007 15:09

If you actively shut out Christian influences, you might end up with a child who becomes a committed Christian and resents you for banning it.

Your opinions are not necessarily what your children's will be.

DaisyMOO · 11/05/2007 15:09

I just think you're very brave to tell your mum not to at all. I was also brought up in a very evangelical happy-clappy Christian household and I ahven't confessed to my parents yet that I don't believe in it any more, to the extent that when we visit we all trot down to church dutifully

pointydog · 11/05/2007 15:10

but dryad, he's never going to be forced to go to church is he?

He might want you to give him alift though when he's a teenager

DaisyMOO · 11/05/2007 15:10

Just to add, no I don't think that YABU, it would annoy the hell out of me

Blu · 11/05/2007 15:11

And I speak as someone who had one grandmother doing her best to tell me, from an early age, that black people are to be avoided at all costs for all sorts of bizarre reasons, another teaching me gypsy lore and practice from her own upbringing, and sitting enthralled through methodist chapel services most weekend listening to my grandfather who was a lay preacher. My Dad was a vocal athiest, my Mum a low-key 'default' christian. I am now an athiest, with an abhorrence for racism.

tissy · 11/05/2007 15:11

my mother threatens to take dd and her 3 cousins to be baptised while she is looking after them in the summer! As she goes to a fairly traditional C of E Church, and I know the service involves asking the PARENTS and godparents various questions- I think she's teasing (in an "I wish you would get on with it yourselves" kind of way).

tissy · 11/05/2007 15:12

sorry, thread has moved on a bit- I was responding to LittleSarah)

Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 11/05/2007 15:14

Blu - you make a very good point about ds' paternal grandmother.

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LittleSarah · 11/05/2007 15:14

Lol, it is funny tissy because when my mum was married to my dad she consented to not baptising us/taking us to church and so on as he was strongly against it. I think her granddaughter may feel the brunt of her re-embraced religion.

Blu · 11/05/2007 15:17

sorry - urbandryad. Glad you were not offended that I mentioned that.

But, you know, that 'it takes a village to raise a child' thing means that sometimes people do things not as we would like them done...but the mix and the challenge is part of what makes our chiuldren able to go out into the world having experienced a range of inter-actions, not all giving the same message.

Good luck!

harpsichordcarrier · 11/05/2007 15:19

no, you are not being unreasonable but I agree with Blu.
any influence she may have will be pretty minor compared to your influences on your child.
oh and Tony Blair isn't Catholic iirc, though I think Cherie is

lucyellensmum · 11/05/2007 15:22

its only songs TBH, i have chosen to raise DD2 a catholic, DP is agnostic but has no objections as it does teach decent way of living IMO. But i think i would be uncomfortable if it went any further than songs. But i think that when ds goes to school he will be exposed to christian songs, and other religions hopefully. That is my only concern re bringing up dd2 as catholic as she wont be exposed to other religeons which i think is important in a multicultural society.

Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 11/05/2007 15:27

Blu - think i may employ you as my advisor

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FioFio · 11/05/2007 15:30

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