Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding Dissapointment

54 replies

Persiangirl · 08/04/2018 20:51

From childhood many of us have high expectations of our wedding day. I certainly did. So here goes:
Baby born in Jan, wedding was already set for June and hubby to be wouldn't postpone which was a possibility.
Didn't want any bridesmaids but ended up with 5 as was pressured into it. The cost was phenomenal. The catalogue of disasters on the day are as follows:
One bridesmaid unavoidably sick and couldn't come.
One of my closest friends didn't turn up and sent a blasé text feigning illness, managed to post several selfies the day after looking perfectly healthy. Have never spoken to her since.
Few other guests that had confirmed didn't turn up. Can live with this. It happens.
DJ didn't play ANY of our play list whatsoever, music was awful. Barely anyone got up and danced. Free bar was throughly abused by people. Came to £3500.
Close relatives husband was extremely rude to both of us and other guests, this has caused a big family feud ever since. V strained relationship now between us.
Venue was lovely but wrong meal was served. Was too late to change.
Several guests were telling me of various problems with the day/evening which made me feel worse.
One of the main bridal party was totally inebriated on drink and possibly drugs, showed themselves up and offended many guests.
The list is not exhaustive. I may sound like a spoiled brat but I still feel deflated, angry and aggrieved about it all. Husband doesn't feel the same. We are happy as our children but I can't shake off these feelings. Ceremony itself was perfect so I'm clinging onto that for some comfort. Sorry for rant and long post!
I have thought of mentioning to husband about renewing our vows in the future but I doubt he will go for it.
Anyone else got similar story/feelings/advice. Really would be appreciated. Thank you.

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 08/04/2018 20:53

The ceremony was perfect, and at least the rest of your day was memorable!

Grilledaubergines · 08/04/2018 20:57

Oh you poor thing. It’s completely natural to want the day to be perfect. Understand how upset you must be. Some of those problems were unavoidable, some weren’t, i.e being served the wrong meal. Did you take this up with the venue? Totally understand if you couldn’t face arguing about it.

For what it’s worth, no wedding is perfect, there’s always a hitch.

What seems massive now will fade over time. Think forward 10 years and I promise you’ll laugh about how your wedding day was memorable for all the wrong reasons.

Flowers
Original poster
Persiangirl · 08/04/2018 21:03

Thank you, really nice reply, first time user tonight, was worried what the response would be x

OP posts:
Original poster
Persiangirl · 08/04/2018 21:03

Thank you x

OP posts:
concretesieve · 08/04/2018 21:03

I'm glad the ceremony was perfect. As for the rest ... Flowers for you. And, no, you're not a spoiled brat.

mrsmainz · 08/04/2018 21:07

I would be gutted. My dad and his gf ruined a proportion of mine and I am still livid, so I think your feelings are valid.
Sorry it happened though Sad

House4 · 08/04/2018 21:11

My ds wouldn’t even try on bridesmaid dress in original colour I wanted, mil hung up on us week before the wedding, sill turned up in silk dress in identical colour to bridesmaids. I’m sure I could think of some more. I’m divorced now!

Thelampshadelady · 08/04/2018 21:11

Nothing went wrong on my wedding day, but I didn’t love it and consider it ‘the best day ever’ like I’d expected to. Yeah, it was a good day but it was just a day.
For a time after I felt quite sad that I didn’t enjoy it as much as I felt I should have. And feel envy at people that say ‘they loved every minute’ etc. Im 18 months on now and feel better than I did and the best bits are more prominent in my mind so I focus on those.
Ultimately though, I’m married to a lovely, lovely man who I’m incredibly happy with. That’s really what you need to try and focus on. The marriage not the wedding Smile
Sadly there is a big emphasis on the perfect day but it’s rare that something is 100% perfect.

junebirthdaygirl · 08/04/2018 21:14

There are a few incidents there where you felt you had no say. Maybe work on that as it will make you stronger when other events come along. Its totally a waste of energy looking back. Focus on your marriage and after a few years the mad bits can become part of the story of your life. You will be stronger and more confident then and able to laugh at the crazy stuff. Sounds like you are happy in the relationship so let go the fantasy of the PERFECT day and live your life. Remember at other weddings we have no idea what stuff is going on behind the scenes.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 08/04/2018 21:17

Given the choice between perfect wedding followed by crap marriage, or a disastrous wedding but a great marriage, I'd go for the latter

Remember that the wedding is just one day.
It's sad that some friends let you down but you now know that they are not real friends

Reiltin · 08/04/2018 21:18

I loved our wedding day at the time. But I think back on it and think of the little things that weren’t perfect. They didn’t bother me at the time. I need to remind myself not to ruin the memory!

rollingonariver · 08/04/2018 21:26

Yup. People are selfish arseholes when it comes to weddings!
It's the Bride and Grooms day. Do not throw a hissy fit because you're not picked as a bridesmaid or because you're 'only' invited to the evening. I can only afford 50 day guests (this still comes to 10,000) and me and DP both have huge families so no, best friend who I haven't spoken to since I had a baby you're not invited to the day. Stop causing drama. We are still paying for you to eat at the evening do and paying for your drinks so stop complaining 😐
I don't believe in wedding etiquette, if I'm spending 10k then I'm having the people I want as bridesmaids and the people I want during the day.

beany5 · 08/04/2018 21:26

I felt upset about some aspects of my wedding for a while but now I couldn't give two hoots to be honest. I got married in a Catholic church with the brides side on the left and the groom's side on the right. At points during the service you are expected to stand, kneel or clasp hands in prayer etc. My side of the church sat still throughout the service and didn't participate in any of it. At the reception my brother turned around to me and said I should get myself as many drinks as I could from the bar as the drinks were free. He kept going up and getting loads of drinks for his table that weren't even drunk just because they were 'free'. Not quite sure just who he thought was going to be paying for that?

Graphista · 08/04/2018 21:29

Breakfast my story fucks up that theory Grin

That said if I told you all of it, I'd simultaneously be accused of lying (here) and outed in real life.

Suffice to say one element was very similar to Emily and Ross's wedding in friends (not the vows bit but in hindsight that wouldn't have been impossible).

In addition bm let me down, another was really ill on the day still came though but man even in the pics looks at deaths door!, dj cocked up, guests behaved very poorly.

Various things went wrong in the lead up too, omens in hindsight. Marriage lasted 8 years and the only good thing that came out of it was dd.

That said I've been at "perfect" weddings where I know the relationship has failed abysmally afterwards and "disastrous" weddings where the couples laughed it all off and their relationships are fantastically strong.

It's one day. I can understand you being disappointed but it's done.

Theimpossiblegirl · 08/04/2018 21:29

What a shame, when you had worked so hard to plan a lovely day. Some people are just arseholes unfortunately, especially when there's drink. Like you said, the ceremony was perfect and your marriage is fine, it's the party that wasn't great.
I would focus on the lovely parts, let the rubbish bits go. Plan a lovely trip for an anniversary in the future.

ladymariner · 08/04/2018 21:29

My dh is absolutely wonderful...how the hell he is from the same family as the buggers I have to call my in-law is completely baffling! Too outing to list all the ways they were crap on our wedding day, but they totally showed themselves up and mil's outfit is still talked about!! However, we still had a good day, and nearly 30 years later he's still the only man for me and they are still utter shits!! Grin

TheJoyOfSox · 08/04/2018 21:30

How many people were at your wedding? As £3500 doesn’t seem at lot for a venue (drinks are more expensive out, than at home)

Sorry your day was such a disappointment, even with me taking about 4 inches off the wrong bridesmaid dress, I shortened to dress belonging to the tallest of course, when I was supposed to be shortening the dress of the shortest girl, we had a wonderful day.

Doubletrouble99 · 08/04/2018 21:31

Don't dwell on it. There were quite a few things that happened at my wedding - wrong flower colours in the bouquet - the very ones I didn't want! DH turning up hours late with his DD when he knew I still had to take up the hem on her bridesmaid's dress - was still up at 3am finishing it on my wedding day!! I could go on !!! But I never built it up to be this wonderful fantasy so I have got over it long ago.
Have a lovely married life. Enjoy.

Mrskeats · 08/04/2018 21:31

How awful. Some people should be ashamed of the way they behaved there.
However as others have said focus on your marriage and family; that’s what is important now.
This sort of thing is why my second marriage cost 500 quid and involved us as my kids. There is so much expense and pressure.
Onwards and upwards now.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 08/04/2018 21:31

You have my sympathies. My wedding was lovely except for one thing to do with my dad which I can never let go of and makes me sad every time I look back on it.

I don’t really know what to say: I’m no help at all! But I have a happy marriage and a lovely DS, and the wedding was just one day.

londonrach · 08/04/2018 21:32

Op...weddings always have good and bad things. Your service went well thats the most important thing. Suggest you watch four weddings and a funeral....theres a reason why it was a very popular film as must people been though similar at a wedding. A good friend of my mum said every wedding is made by the bits that go wrong. My sisters involved two gatecrashers, toilets going missing (posh toilets removed by lorry and replaced by blue work man toilets half way through as full). Mine..i almost didnt have my mum, sister and gran due to cancer and birth. Its the marriage that matters not the wedding. In years to come you look back on your wedding and the bits that went wrong become the best bits. Congratulations xxx

Dancingleopard · 08/04/2018 21:33

Persian go for the renewal, just you husband and kids. My friend slipped off abroad and renewed them on a lovely small boat. The pics were lovely. And they had a really intimate feel of it.

Don’t let it get you down. Flowers

sparklepops123 · 08/04/2018 21:33

Sometimes the more you build up yourself for an event the more disappointing it can be.why don’t you wait for your first anniversary and you dh and kids go off for a few days by yourselves. ( just don’t build it up too much in your head!just let it happen)

Aprilmightmemynewname · 08/04/2018 21:33

We uninvited mil so she ruined our honeymoon arrangements.

Jotribiani · 08/04/2018 21:33

My wedding day people didn’t turn up after paying over £100 for their space, the night before one of my bridesmaids pulled out because of her new boyfriend wasn’t happy about her going haven’t spoken to her since. I was really drunk and acted a right happy fool, I found out people where on drugs. My cake wasn’t served by the venue even though it cost us over £500. But my husband and I look back and laugh as it was a day all about us becoming a family and me sharing his last name. You’ll soon forget the bad parts

Swipe left for the next trending thread