Wedding Dissapointment

[Persiangirl]

From childhood many of us have high expectations of our wedding day. I certainly did. So here goes:
Baby born in Jan, wedding was already set for June and hubby to be wouldn't postpone which was a possibility.
Didn't want any bridesmaids but ended up with 5 as was pressured into it. The cost was phenomenal. The catalogue of disasters on the day are as follows:
One bridesmaid unavoidably sick and couldn't come.
One of my closest friends didn't turn up and sent a blasé text feigning illness, managed to post several selfies the day after looking perfectly healthy. Have never spoken to her since.
Few other guests that had confirmed didn't turn up. Can live with this. It happens.
DJ didn't play ANY of our play list whatsoever, music was awful. Barely anyone got up and danced. Free bar was throughly abused by people. Came to £3500.
Close relatives husband was extremely rude to both of us and other guests, this has caused a big family feud ever since. V strained relationship now between us.
Venue was lovely but wrong meal was served. Was too late to change.
Several guests were telling me of various problems with the day/evening which made me feel worse.
One of the main bridal party was totally inebriated on drink and possibly drugs, showed themselves up and offended many guests.
The list is not exhaustive. I may sound like a spoiled brat but I still feel deflated, angry and aggrieved about it all. Husband doesn't feel the same. We are happy as our children but I can't shake off these feelings. Ceremony itself was perfect so I'm clinging onto that for some comfort. Sorry for rant and long post!
I have thought of mentioning to husband about renewing our vows in the future but I doubt he will go for it.
Anyone else got similar story/feelings/advice. Really would be appreciated. Thank you.

A perfect day doesn’t make a perfect marriage!

I hope it helps to write down your feelings about the day, acknowledge them and then move on. Focus on the bits you did like - the ceremony, how you felt making your vows etc. The rest is just part of life’s lumps and bumps.

For what it’s worth my own wedding day wasn’t perfect, and it certainly felt more like my mother’s day than mine (🙄) but DH and I are still going strong 14 years later. We just don’t talk about the wedding. Ever. 😂

Some things went wrong on my day but I dont really think about them because why ruin your memories by thinking about the negative stuff?
You say the ceremony was perfect and most of your issues were with other peoples behaviour? Well then your day didnt really go wrong did it, some people just behaved like twats and people behave like twats constantly in day to day life. Your ceremony was lovely and you love your husband. Focus on that! Im sure the majority of guests went away thinking it was lovely to watch you happily marry your husband. There are always people who are a bit shit.... dont let them ruin your happy memories, why should they get to do that??

I got called a MIL sympathiser on another thread...ha, if only they knew!!!

The things that went wrong have happened and can't be undone. Most of them will have mainly only noticed by you and not everybody else or your guests...I bet most people had a super time and won't have nearly the acute level of awareness to the details that you have.

Put it behind you. Focus now on your new life with DH and your baby.....plan your next holiday together or something special just for you. Let it go.

Given the choice between perfect wedding followed by crap marriage, or a disastrous wedding but a great marriage, I'd go for the latter

Wise and very true. It's the marriage that matters and if you are happy then you are luckier than most.

Hope the DH refusing to change the wedding date has not caused problems between you. Most of the other things you've listed would probably have happened anyway was this last June? In which case still recent. Your disappointment will fade

I feel for you OP. Our wedding became an exercise in pleasing/not upsetting people.

Focus on the bits that made you happy. And your happy relationship now.

You are not being a brat.

Mine wasn’t great either.

I woke up with a big spot on my cheek
The wedding meal was cold
The band were awful and didn’t take requests
People complained they were cold at the venue
The cake wasn’t very nice
My dh sprained his ankle and couldn’t dance
My uncle set himself on fire ( not badly)

I was quite disappointed too but dh thought it was a great day so I just agreed!

Our parents ruined our wedding. We renewed our vows last year and it totally made up for it. We were glad we were married but the actual day was really stressful and in some places embarrassing and upsetting. But now we've renewed our vows we have the happy memories. In the future renew your vows and do the same as us, don't invite anyone you don't want to. It was just me, dh and our dcs.

I can't say too much because it would potentially out me. However my wedding was a complete comedy of errors and anything that could go wrong did go wrong including inebriated unconscious guest who needed an ambulance. Honestly, I look back now and laugh, every year on our anniversary. We had a unique wedding and I remember it fondly

Sorry you didn't have the day you wanted, OP. On my wedding my mum was horrible to me all day (she was chronically ill, but still). I felt I needed to go around and talk to everyone, so thats what I did. Meanwhile DH was so relieved that his speech was over that he sat and got happily drunk with his mates. At the end of the night my parents had left and people were asking me what I wanted done with the cake/ flowers etc and I had no idea! DH had forgotten his shoes ( he was wearing a kilt and kilt shoes!) But we were going on honeymoon straight from the wedding! It was a nightmare at the end! And DH and I started married life not speaking. But 16 years on we are still (happy) together.

When planning mine I read on one of the wedding blogs a post where the day was a huge disappointment and lots of comments saying the same.

No shows and dropouts seem to be standard these days unfortunately.

You could always have an anniversary party next year.

Ah OP.

Least yours is over and done with. Mine is in 6 weeks.

My knobheae BIL who I didn't particularly want to invite will get pissed and insult everyone.

My 9 year old nephew is currently undergoing assessments for adhd/autism. I understand this and make allowances fir his behaviour. Which when he is losing it involves lots and lots of swearing. Dps family will make lots of catsbums faces.

One of my sisters is likely to call knobhead bil a knobhead. Or worse.

My other dsis is pissed off I didnt invite her stepdaughter to day do. I don't see her from one year to the next as she rarely sees them these days. We are very limited on numbers and I just can't stretch to it.

My mum will martyr herself all day running around after grandkids.

Dp is very nervous about his vows and likely to have a stiff drink before and probably get the giggles.

It's more or less guaranteed there will be tears and tantrums, at least 2 arguements and probably a scrap.

I will just be happy to get it over with. Fml.

And FYI at mine
The best man railed a load of drugs and slept with the maid of honour (despite being married with two children)
One of the bridesmaids came on to my dad whilst very drunk.
The guy handling our buffet groped another one of the bridesmaids and she was very upset.
My husbands mother and six of his close family members did not turn up and did not let us know until 20 mins before the ceremony began meaning that all their seats were laid out with their names and it was too late to change anything. The seats were just empty throughout the ceremony with their names on and so everyone could clearly see what had happened.
My uncle turned up in a tracksuit got pissed and stood in ALL of the group photos inc the ones just supposed to be of specific people.
It rained and the wedding was completely outdoors.
Best man made a sly passive aggressive dig at me during his reading during the ceremony.
Best man was staring directly at the camera in all the shots of me walking down the aisle.

BUT I still think it was the happiest day of my life and I have beautiful memories of it because it was the day I married my husband.
The other stuff is just funny tbh. People will behave like twats whatever you do....

Another crap wedding here.

I don't think about it now 8 years on. I don't have any wedding pictures up either which I guess is a shame.

Wedding was generally great but I did walk up the aisle in typical wedding dress accessorised with black dm boots. My mum had locked my satin bridal slippers in her suitcase "to stop them getting stolen" (wtf?) then taken the key with her to the church. Makes for some interesting wedding pics.

I think this so easily happens when people spend so much and pin so much expectation on one day.

Sorry to hear it wasn't the day you dreamt of. No matter how much money you spend, you can't control other people.

Having read more of these posts, I am so glad we eloped
We had an awesome day. Just had to deal with a few annoyed friends and relatives when we got home!

I didn't enjoy our wedding day at all. A very long list of very boring reasons. It was 9 years ago but still upsets me - I find it hard going to other weddings now. But hey ho. I love my DH so that's all that matters.

Im so sorry to hear you feel this way! It's extremely stressful planning a wedding and everyone wants it to be perfect!
My bridesmaids organised a 'guess the first dance bet' and one of my bm stole the money.
Same bm tried it on with my younger brother
My SIL told my dh and stepdad that even though she had kids she was still up for it and very tight
We had an awesome band - but the DJ was horrendous - we told him we liked radio 2 type stuff and take that and he literally just put on take that's greatest hits.
Every time Sean Paul comes on the radio my best friend always says it reminds her of my wedding
I walked in to my guests in a circle doing run d mc 'it's like that' break dancing.
We woke up to a bar bill of £400 despite everyone buying us our drinks so someone was putting lots of drinks on our room (I guess same bm!)
Lots of other things that really upset me oh the day, but now we just look back and laugh. It was OUR wedding and as long as we had fun - which we did who cares!

And now op you have a better understanding of who your real friends are.

I had a low key wedding with lots done by friends and family - plenty went wrong. The florist cancelled two days beforehand (for good reason, but still left us with no flowers). My mum was late because she decided to come early to "help" but didn't tell me, turned up at my house after we had already left and hadn't brought the address of the venue with you her. She eventually got there, just after we'd started, in her "messy clothes" and decided not to change because she was too pent up from thinking she would miss it. She looked a complete state and didn't really relax the whole day. We had a celebrant who added in a bit we hadn't discussed about how our living together had been a rehearsal for our married life (not how we thought of it and, I thought, a bit of an insult to all our guests who lived together and weren't married). One of my young nephews ran up in the middle of the ceremony and started shouting (I thought it was quite sweet and not a disaster, but I know lots of people MN can't imagine risking such a terrible interruption). My grandmother made rude comments about my PILs (driven by insecurity, I think). My DH's best friend rolled in after the ceremony because he'd got plastered the night before. Our catering (self-done buffet) was, to say the least, not as sparkling as we'd planned. After the ceremony, we got a taxi home then realised neither of us could find our keys and had to call my FiL out with the spare key the 30-minute drive to let us in! My BiL was doing the photos but something went wrong and when developed (so you can see this was quite a while ago) none of the photos came out.

To be honest none of this has been important over the more than two decades I've been married. I am a bit sad about the photos. I wish my mum had been able to enjoy it. None of the rest was of consequence. Despite the "bad" bits, I had a fantastic day with lots of friends and family pulling together for us, people meeting for the first time. Catching up with people I hadn't seen in years. That's what I focus on when I think about it. The "disastrous" bits were just blips.

OP

I hate most weddings and my own was no different I've never forgivenMIL for her bad behaviour on the day. My only consolation was that we did it on the cheap and informally.

My DM warned me about this from her wedding - still slighty bitter decades later - everyone not listening to what they wanted and not getting to eat the food she was looking forward to at reception.

We had a very very small wedding as we wanted to keep money for house deposit. I'm glad as best man's wife and IL pulled some stunts and my own family were awkward. I think it would have stung to have paid much more to have a meh okay day.