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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think AIBU is extremely effective at highlighting the levels inequality in the U.K.

87 replies

coconuttella · 08/04/2018 19:35

Of course we all know there’s inequality in the U.K., but the way AIBU identifies the scale of inequality is really quite shocking... I think it’s because you see such diverse experiences posted side by side in a way that wouldn’t happen generally in society (Hampstead mums don’t tend to mix with Jaywick caravan dwellers).

One 40yo will say they are stuck in damp private rentals with no prospect of escape and literally down to their last 20p, while another 40 yo celebrates becoming mortgage free, earns 6 figures..... each with no comprehension of how the other lives (one saying they don’t know how anyone can possibly spend more than £50 on a weekly shop while the other is aghast that people generally don’t have 12 months salary in savings.

OP posts:
Original poster
coconuttella · 08/04/2018 21:11

DairyisClosed

You are making my point for me.... You say It's very much considered financially sensible by most people I know. .... whereas someone else’s circle would laugh at the thought this was even remotely possible without a lottery win!

OP posts:
ApocalypseNowt · 08/04/2018 21:12

I've got quite a wide range of friends class/wealth wise. We bought the house we live in because of inheritance/help from DH's parents (v v comfortable bit not mega bucks rich). I come from modest wc background. So we're living next to people who are much better off from us. Directly opposite are small houses (2up/2down) who are mainly renters/HA.

Even with that experience the gap I see on here between rich and poor is staggering. I think it's always a good thing to widen your outlook!

Pleasebeafleabite · 08/04/2018 21:22

I am always surprised at how the big chunk of my salary that is paid in tax only provides enough to pay one person’s tax credits/housing benefits and sometimes not even that. I always imagined that people in general received less than some people on here seem to do and it opened my eyes to the pointlessness of a tax system that takes tax and then regrants the money back, just money swishing around

SemperIdem · 08/04/2018 21:22

Mumsnet made me realise that there was something very wrong within my marriage, and so I left. Under my previous username I was given genuinely good advice by some kind and caring posters which helped me see the light and the way forward.

Gennz18 · 08/04/2018 21:25

It cuts both way though doesn't it. People being completely blind to their privileged bubble, vs the idea that because someone people are comfortably off they've always been that way & this have no empathy/understanding of what it means to be poor.

I am one of the affluent posters I suppose - several holidays a year, own home, DH and I both have good well paying jobs - but it hasn't always been that way (for me at least, DH's family has always been comfortably off).

My family were stony broke for most of my childhood/teenage years and I've managed to build a comfortably middle class life for myself through qualifying as a lawyer, marrying DH, buying a house at the right time, etc. a combo of hard work (paying your way through law school and progressing a legal career is hard work, no harder than working 3 shifts as a cleaner though) and luck - even the though my family were materially poor, to the point where we couldn't fix the boiler in mid winter and a couple of times had to leave the supermarket cart at the check out when mum's card declined we were still middle class on hard times so had books at home, expectations of educational achievement, general good health etc which made it far easier to escape poverty than it might otherwise have been.

My sister and brother haven't been as fortunate (sister more "squeezed working middle", brother unable to really live independently due to MH issues) so I'm well aware of how privileged my life is.

OutComeTheWolves · 08/04/2018 21:25

I couldn't agree more. I'd say we're fairly average earners; on any given day I can browse Mumsnet & end up feeling incredibly poor or incredibly well off depending on what I read.

The only thing that frustrates me on threads where the poster is struggling financially is when other posters don't believe the op and then accuse them of being obstructive when they can't dip into their savings or take in ironing that week etc etc.

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 08/04/2018 21:31

But there are hundreds of thousands of people who spend a lifetime working really fucking hard 60+ hours a week but never stop being very poor despite all that work. In terms of hard work and sheer effort there is no difference between you and they. The difference is in the blessings of such things as intelligence, talent and opportunities which mean that for some people hard work is rewarded more copiously than for others. How is that not luck?

Exactly right.
I'm white.
Born and live in U.K.
I'm fit and healthy as are all my immediate family.
Parents are still married.
Parents loved, sacrificed, supported and encouraged me.
I have the ability to think and analyse information.
I knew people who gave me work experience.
My parents knew people who connected me to people who could help me.
I was given a job by a family friend.
I was given a new career opportunity by a friend.

I also work very hard.

Lots of people work hard. Not everyone has the cards stacked in their favour.

JustMarriedBecca · 08/04/2018 21:36

I had always thought of myself as average until I came here and realised how fortunate we were. My social circle is graduates who also became lawyers or doctors or accountants. Family members who didn't go to university got a leg up in the family firm of builders, plumbers or plasterers and now own their own businesses and have similar income. We take holidays in this country because it feels more middle class wholesome than a week or two abroad. We have 12 months worth of outgoings saved to cover loss of jobs. We didn't use them for a deposit when we bought our first house with a 25% deposit. I thought this was standard. It is amongst my circle. My cleaner drives a 4 x 4 and has Dubarry boots FFS.

I am REMARKABLY LUCKY. Because it is luck. I don't work harder than a cleaner, shop assistant or someone in Costa.

Mumsnet is an eye opener. And has the best house tips of all time. Fact.

Gennz18 · 08/04/2018 21:41

Becca you didn't use your savings for your 25% house deposit? Or do you mean you didn't use it all up?

I thought I was privileged but that's nek level...

JustMarriedBecca · 08/04/2018 21:54

We had 25% house deposit plus 12 months of savings. Saved for 10 years in London and then moved out. Only just bought our first house though.

Original poster
coconuttella · 08/04/2018 22:03

JustMarriedBecca

You’re a great example of the inequality i was referring to. Easily part of the top 1% with those credentials!

OP posts:
mercurymaze · 08/04/2018 22:05

i am a 40 something that is mortgage free BUT we were lucky that we bought our home when prices were low and affordable. we both are working class with middle of the road incomes.

don't believe all you read on mn

Original poster
coconuttella · 08/04/2018 22:05

Actually, just read your next post... it seems you had to save hard for a deposit, which is more than I had to do, so perhaps more incredibly thrifty and careful with money than born wealthy.

OP posts:
Original poster
coconuttella · 08/04/2018 22:09

I am a 40 something that is mortgage free BUT we were lucky that we bought our home when prices were low and affordable. we both are working class with middle of the road incomes.

I’m always surprised by the lack of trading up of people who have paid off their mortgage at 40 as a result of buying in their early 20s for, what these days, would be a pittance.

OP posts:
mercurymaze · 08/04/2018 22:12

explain coco?

Budsbeginingspringinsite · 08/04/2018 22:15

Yes and it's fabulous for all walks of life to meet on here isn't it.

Original poster
coconuttella · 08/04/2018 22:17

I bought my first house in 2001 for £75k.... it was a small three bed terrace. It never would have occurred to me to focus my earnings on paying off my mortgage by 40 rather than getting a bigger/nicer place and extending my mortgage to do so. 3 houses later I’m in a £600k 5 bed place with land.

OP posts:
YoloSwaggins · 08/04/2018 22:17

Yup. That 70k salary thread - the 2 responses were either

"That's more than both of us will ever earn combined"

or

"That's nothing, you can't even rent a 1 bed flat in Zone 1 and have a car and go to the Maldives for that while sending both kids to private school"

Budsbeginingspringinsite · 08/04/2018 22:24

Op you would need food career to support your moves.
After we brought credit crunch hit and I fell pregnant so we were hobbled. Dh not on great career back then at all, loads laid off.
Paying off mortgage or looking to upscale wasn't possible. Every day he survived the next round of culls was a miracle.

irregularegular · 08/04/2018 22:29

Dairy - don't be silly. I've done a PhD and there is no way it was harder work than 60 hours a week of menial work. Or in the many hours I spent working as a management consultant for 2 years before. Ok it had its moments but on the whole it was a joy and a privilege.

Secondly, not everyone is capable of getting a PhD. The very fact you are able to do it at all makes you lucky.

irregularegular · 08/04/2018 22:32

Dairy - don't be silly. I've done a PhD and there is no way it was harder work than 60 hours a week of menial work. Or in the many hours I spent working as a management consultant for 2 years before. Ok it had its moments but on the whole it was a joy and a privilege.

Secondly, not everyone is capable of getting a PhD. The very fact you are able to do it at all makes you lucky.

BarbaraofSevillle · 08/04/2018 22:34

I’m always surprised by the lack of trading up of people who have paid off their mortgage at 40 as a result of buying in their early 20s for, what these days, would be a pittance

Not everyone wants or needs a big house or the big mortgage to pay for it, and the higher bills that come with it.

Plus buying and selling houses, presenting the old ones for sale and sorting out the new ones when you move in is boring hard work that not everyone is interested in.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 08/04/2018 22:34

And yet the rich people will not, for the most part, admit that there's inequality.

DoctorWhatTheFuck · 08/04/2018 22:34

Excellent observations.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 08/04/2018 22:38

But there are hundreds of thousands of people who spend a lifetime working really fucking hard 60+ hours a week but never stop being very poor despite all that work. In terms of hard work and sheer effort there is no difference between you and they. The difference is in the blessings of such things as intelligence, talent and opportunities which mean that for some people hard work is rewarded more copiously than for others. How is that not luck?

I’m not saying they don’t work hard.
I went from a women’s refuge with 4 month old baby to a shitty damp flat, going hungry so I could buy formula for her, with 7p in my van account and the electric about to turn off.
I drove 70 miles a day to put myself through college, then another 80 Miles a day to put myself university to make sure that that would never happen to me again. It wasn’t luck. It was determination never to have to live that life again.
I don’t come from a wealthy background, I have an illness that makes life hard, I am not white. The odds were definitely not in my favour.