To think AIBU is extremely effective at highlighting the levels inequality in the U.K.

[coconuttella]

Of course we all know there’s inequality in the U.K., but the way AIBU identifies the scale of inequality is really quite shocking... I think it’s because you see such diverse experiences posted side by side in a way that wouldn’t happen generally in society (Hampstead mums don’t tend to mix with Jaywick caravan dwellers).

One 40yo will say they are stuck in damp private rentals with no prospect of escape and literally down to their last 20p, while another 40 yo celebrates becoming mortgage free, earns 6 figures..... each with no comprehension of how the other lives (one saying they don’t know how anyone can possibly spend more than £50 on a weekly shop while the other is aghast that people generally don’t have 12 months salary in savings.

I think you’re right, but surely it’s not realistic to expect everyone to have an intimate understanding of how everyone lives?

I don’t think it is... that’s why I think MN shines a light on it for many, myself
included, in such a stark and arresting manner.

Great post. I totally agree.

YANBU

It definitely does.
It also flags up how many people are weirdly keen to impress strangers. I’ve seen a few threads where people have outlined how fabulously wealthy they are but they’ve totally misjudged the numbers and it’s obvious that they’re lying. Really odd!

I agree - but one thing it always makes me think of is how unbelievable it would have been when I was teenage (70s/early 80s) that you would have been able to read about other people's lives in this way and even talk to them. One thing that has massively democratised is technology. The majority of people (in developed countries) have access to masses of information and advice that simply wouldn't have been available back in the day. So maybe it's possible to be better informed now about 'how the other half live', if you want to be.

I also frequently wonder how many posters are actually writers working out a character or situation, telling outrageous lies to see what sticks as realistic!

Re things like 6 months savings as back up do you not think that’s a bit of bullshitting though?

It really isn’t... Some people do really live in this world and this is their ‘normal’. The fact that you view this with such incredulity demonstrates the very gulf that I’m referring to.

YANBU.

I think we would have a much healthier society if we all knew people outside our own little groups. For example, it's very easy to insist that you're paying too much tax when you don't know anyone who's well and truly skint through no fault of their own and can just choose to believe poverty is a choice.

(I have a theory that the reason there was so much support for the massive social and economic upheavals after WW2 was because people had spent the previous 6 years pushed together across social boundaries in a way which was totally unprecedented - eg men serving together in the armed forces, kids from the slums evacuated to nice little villages, etc etc. We're getting more and more segregated again now and it's becoming all too easy to ignore other people's struggles.) gets off soapbox

“Today 20:23 coconuttella

Re things like 6 months savings as back up do you not think that’s a bit of bullshitting though?

It really isn’t... Some people do really live in this world and this is their ‘normal’. The fact that you view this with such incredulity demonstrates the very gulf that I’m referring to.”

I think you’re being a bit naive there. Of course having substantial savings is in no way unusual or unbelievable

What I don’t think is necessarily accurate is people’s attitude as described.

A lot of it is about making others feel inadequate which is more of an Internet forum thing than a “I simply can’t imagine not having savings” thing.

MN has made me appreciate just how kind and caring my DH is
Oh yes, this, more than the money thing.
I thought having a DH who does 50% of the hoursework/childcare was normal. Now I am grateful.

People will on really talk about the extremely bad and extremely good things in thier life. No one is going to come on here and start a post about thier mundane day - went to work and nothing really happened. Kids have been ok etc
So in context of the money thing. Most people manage to pay thier bills on time 95% and have a small amount of saving etc, have a modest holiday but people are only going to come on and post when they have 2p left or want to talk about how to invest 50k - extreme needs of the scale.

DH has just had a pay rise, that coupled with the the fact that his company car allowance means we have now been pushed over the threshold and so will lose child benefit - so his £200 extra a month has now been reduced to £0 because we lose that amount in child benefit.
So it’s annoying and doesn’t feel fair to us but then I know there’s plenty of people who are on 10k a year and can’t afford to put thier heating on.

I completely agree coconuttella

There are so so many on MN who simply refuse to understand that people live differently to the way they do, cannot comprehend it. I'm fortunate enough to have grown up in a fairly affluent area of London with a father who earns a good amount (self-employed so not a set salary), but I have this amazing thing called "imagination" so I know full well that there are lots of people who are desperately poor. Obviously I don't know what it's like to live like that, but I can at least have an inkling/empathy.

I hate being called lucky though. It’s not luck that got me where I am today, it was a lot of really fucking hard work.

But there are hundreds of thousands of people who spend a lifetime working really fucking hard 60+ hours a week but never stop being very poor despite all that work. In terms of hard work and sheer effort there is no difference between you and they. The difference is in the blessings of such things as intelligence, talent and opportunities which mean that for some people hard work is rewarded more copiously than for others. How is that not luck?

It has certainly opened my eyes. My problems are totally insignificant in comparison to some of the problems in the threads: women in very difficult, tragic circumstances that are often out of their control. I find a lot of the child maintenance / divorce ones particularly sad: time after time the OP has really had a hard time. I also wouldn’t have any idea about the reality of universal credit if not for MN.

@sprinklesinmyelbow six months salary is often cited to me as the minimum one should have in back up savings. Another figure is six months spending needs. It's financially sensible to have that much saved up and earmarked for emergencies instead of using it to buy a house or go on holiday for example. It's very much considered financially sensible by most people I know. Definitely not an exaggeration. Not everyone I know does it but most people think that it should be done.

@YimminiYpudar the difference is that those people who are well off put in hard work from childhood for no pay. If you want to know hard work try loosing six years of earning while taking on tens of thousands of pounds on debt to write a PhD (much harder than working 60 plus hours in menial labour by the way) that they may not even pass. It's not luck. It is years of very hard work at great cost and faith that it will eventually pay off.

Daisy you’re misunderstanding the point of my post. There is nothing unusual about substantial savings

There is something unusual about admonishing someone because they don’t have them. That’s not normal

Borlottibeans great post, your theory about the war is interesting and feels like it could be right. Wonder if we can recapture that cameraderie without having another actual war!

I think you’re being a bit naive there. Of course having substantial savings is in no way unusual or unbelievable. What I don’t think is necessarily accurate is people’s attitude as described. A lot of it is about making others feel inadequate which is more of an Internet forum thing than a “I simply can’t imagine not having savings” thing.

Although there may be some who deliberately and nastily want to make people feel shit, I also believe there are more who genuinely live in their little bubbles, both rich and poor, who are so used to their life, they can’t quite believe people aren’t like them.

Testing ..

Oops sorry wrong thread

You are right OP. There are extreme levels of wealth on MN. No money til payday vs £1000 handbags. Most people fall somewhere in the middle.

I will be one of the mortgage free by 40's posters. Not due to extreme wealth, just buy buying a flat with 100% mortgage age 21 and paying off the mortgage rather than trading up.

borlottibeans I have long believed your theory to be true. This country is now so divided on the wealth front and only something that hits us all regardless of financial status is likely to change that.

I don't think (for me) the shocking and incomprehensible thing is that people have no comprehension of how others live, it's the total inability to believe when it's told to them.

So the poster who wouldn't accept that some people jusr can't saved simply wouldn't believe that there isn't cash left over after getting the very basics in life. No that poster just thought it was a lie or at the very least that it meant they were frivolous or stupid with money.

Same as the inability to accept that luck of circumstances has a huge influence on the outcome of hard work.