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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be sick of my house being trashed or am I OTT fussy

69 replies

BiddydeBint · 08/04/2018 18:51

I'm starting to get really fed up with some friends and family when they visit, mostly their unwillingness to stop their children wrecking my house. I admit I am probably stricter than a lot of people when it comes to certain household rules, but I don't think I'm overly fussy.
In the past few months, we have had visitors whose children have ground food into our new sofas, walked mud through the carpet (shoes were obviously filthy as they'd been out for a walk down our very wet and muddy back lane) scribbled over walls, bounced so hard on beds that they caused the ceiling to shake, teased the cats to the point of scratching, walked around the house clutching a bar of chocolate which melted everywhere, knocked chunks out of the woodwork in one of my rooms, smashed a picture, dragged all our books and dvds off ye shelves, walked into my bedroom and started looking in my drawers...

These have been different visitors and the children have ranged in age from 2-12. The parents haven't said a word and it has been left to me to ask the children to stop.

Maybe I'm being precious, but my three DC have never behaved like that in their own house, never mind other people's. They're far from perfect, but if they want to go wild, scream, and roll in mud they can do it outside. Indoors, I've always taught them to take care of their things and ours. We work hard for what we have, and haven't always had the money to replace broken or damaged things. It's about respect in my eyes - respect for the fact that someone else has to clean up that mess, or pay for damage to be fixed.

I'm getting to the point where I just don't want people round, because I can't be bothered doing the clean up after they let their children run riot-right in front of their parent's noses.

If parents see, for example, their three year old taking every single book out of a bookcase and flinging it on the floor, why on earth do they think that's OK? Of course I'll tell the child to stop, and the parents just smile and say "oh you know what they are like at that age" actually I can't say I do!

OP posts:

QueenOfMyWorld · 08/04/2018 18:55

I would tell them off myself op and I have done before.Its my house and I am never harsh just a firm " can you take your shoes off please" " no jumping on the beds" should work it's important to set boundaries in your home it's your space x

GrannyGrissle · 08/04/2018 18:57

You socialise with some scum i'm afraid OP. Get new friends.

QueenOfMyWorld · 08/04/2018 18:57

Just read that you tell them not to do those things.Well id be having words with the parents then or stop them from coming round,that's my idea of hell and it's disrespectful

outabout · 08/04/2018 18:57

Time for some 'better' friends?

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 08/04/2018 18:57

Arrange to meet your visitors in public places.

LokiBear · 08/04/2018 18:58

You need better friends. I have a 1 a d a 6 year old and I'd never let them behave that way.

branstonbaby · 08/04/2018 18:58

Why invite them round? Kids do touch stuff, it's the nature of the beast. You shouldn't have to child proof your home if you don't want to, so, meet them elsewhere or when the kids are asleep.

JassyRadlett · 08/04/2018 18:59

My housekeeping standards are relatively relaxed but I would be unhappy if a visiting child did any of those things in my house, and mortified if my child did so in someone else’s.

Sometimes accidents happen - smashed picture, for example - or kids get overexcited - jumping on beds) but that’s where swift parenting, apologies, offers to replace damaged items, etc, come into play.

And I can pretty confidently state that all the parents who step through my door take the same approach. You’ve had some shit visitors.

PumpkinPie2016 · 08/04/2018 19:00

YANBU - the parents should say something and if inwere you, I would definitely say something if they weren't.

I would never allow my son to behave like that in someone's house (or mine for that matter!).

DH has a friend a bit like this ( she is someone he has known a long time - personally, I don't like her at all). She has two children and last time she invited herself to put house for lunch she let them get food everywhere and never bothered to clean up! Thankfully, they live 2 hours drive away and so don't visit very often!

I would stop people visiting if it were me.

RandomMess · 08/04/2018 19:02

You are unlucky with your guests I'd have been mortified if mine had done that!

SweetLike · 08/04/2018 19:06

Yikes I wouldn't invite them round again! People are OTT when they come to my house, they get worried about crisps being sat on and squashed on the sofa or carpet etc, I don't mind those things, that is what the hoover is for. Mud and breaking things is different though...

CorporeSarnie · 08/04/2018 19:08

They don't get invited back again if that sort of thing happens here. Elder dc had a nursery friend who came over, ran into our (shut doored) bedrooms and then leapt on dc's bed until stopped. I still haven't really forgiven the parents for saying f-all. But she got an earful from me and has never been invited to anything I've organized since. She is still a little shit handful.

Original poster

BiddydeBint · 08/04/2018 19:08

I think I'm going to have to just cut back on visitors, though in general I do enjoy people calling round. I didn't know if I was being fussy, because it does seem like I'm a lot stricter over these things than other people - I never used to let DC wander round eating when they were babies and toddlers for example - they had to sit in the kitchen, in their high chair. Now it seems that a lot of parents I know let their small children wander round with a jam sandwich or rice cake clasped in their fist for occasional nibbles. I was always taught as a child to never, ever go upstairs in someone else's house without asking - it was the height of rudeness. I passed that on to DC, however it seems this too has changed and visiting children just charge upstairs straight away.

We really take care of our home and enjoy the time we spend in it as we're all very busy, there's no point having people round just to be on edge, waiting for the crash

OP posts:

Lillylollylandy · 08/04/2018 19:08

If the parents won't set the ground rules then you need to. Shoes off at the door for a start. If parents are ignoring their children, say "do you see/hear what xx is doing? I'd like them to stop it now so please tell them".

Magmatic80 · 08/04/2018 19:08

That sounds horrific! I don’t have children, but have absolutely no qualms in parenting other people’s children in my house. I do get backed up by the parents though.

All food in the kitchen only, and all shoes off on entry to the house are general rules for visiting children. Adults can be trusted

To be honest, in your shoes, I’d be meeting families externally, and I wouldn’t be shy in explaining why either. I’m sorry your friends don’t seem to respect you to allow their children to behave like that in your home

JoanOfNarc · 08/04/2018 19:12

I feel your pain OP. This is why we don't have parties with other families any more. One 'friend' just said "oh" when her daughter spilt blackcurrant juice all over our new carpet despite being told not to take drinks into the lounge. This is the very same person whose house looks like something out of sleeping with the enemy and rarely let's a visitor cross the front door for fear of making a mess.

BennyTheBall · 08/04/2018 19:13

I'd be furious. Your friends sound feral at best.

But I have zero problem with telling off other people's children if necessary.

RidingWindhorses · 08/04/2018 19:17

It's your house, your rules - if children arrive with muddy shoes they take them off. Food is only to be consumed in the kitchen. The cats are not to be tormented etc.

Extraordinary friends - can they be replaced?

Springersrock · 08/04/2018 19:18

We have some friends like this too.

Most of us in our circle have teens that are old enough to stay home so we tend to go out without them, but one couple have 6 kids from 3-12 years and they go wild while the parents just sit there and tell us we just don’t remember what it’s like having young children - actually I do, I just never allowed mine to behave like that at home, let alone other people’s houses

I tell them off but with so many of them it’s hard to keep up with them all.

We fell out for a bit after I caught the kids totally trashing 16 year old DD’s bedroom (emptying cupboards, messing with her make up, etc, etc). and made them clear it up. DD wasn’t even home at the time, she was sleeping over at a friend’s so they shouldn’t have even been in her room. They told me it’s just what kids do and that I shouldn’t be telling them off, so I told them they either dealt with their kids behaviour or didn’t come round any more.

Our other friends are equally sick of it but so far I’m the only one to have addressed it

ohgodalmightywhatnext · 08/04/2018 19:21

Oh fuck, my DS 3 knows not to act like that or he'd be run straight into the car, taken home and put to bed. Sounds harsh but I would be mortified if my child behaved like that in someone's house. He daren't do it in his own so he's clear on what's expected of him if we go out.

That said my MIL has an anything goes rule and it does my nut in

Original poster

BiddydeBint · 08/04/2018 19:21

I do tell them, nicely. But the parents more often than not look at me as though I've just strangled a puppy. It has made me feel like I'm seriously fussy and unreasonable
I do tend to live in the sort of area/come from the sort of family where visitors get the best of everything, and are accomadated to the extreme, so it's maybe something to do with that.

OP posts:

flowerslemonade · 08/04/2018 19:23

You're not unreasonable. I had this exact issue and it made me feel unwell after they left. Friend allowed her child to SPIT on my sofa... laying on his front drooling out of his mouth literally spitting... ground chocolate into the back of my curtains, snacks on the walls, messed with stuff in my bathroom, knocked a light over, ate food without a plate so it went on the carpet - utterly disgusting. I have a minimalist style flat with white carpets, after they left I honestly felt like my home had been violated and I cried - it was revolting. I'm not speaking to her any more. They should not behave like that in your flat. It's disgusting.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 08/04/2018 19:23

Ah yes, ‘Those Parents’. I have a relative who is one, she’ll invite herself over, as soon as my back is turned (making them tea) her DS will pull stuff out of cupboards, will be jumping on my sofa and terrorising my cats while she just plain ignores him or tells him to stop in a really unconvincing tone.

One memorable occasion was when her DS disappeared into a different room - I found him eating pudding off my carpet after he’d poured/mashed it onto the floor. Called for his mum to come clear it up and she actually eyerolled me for being ‘precious’ and ‘uptight’ and it wipes out (it fucking didn’t) so what’s the fuss! Funnily enough her house is pristine as she likes to go visit friends and family as she finds her DS hard work at home. You don’t say

Nothisispatrick · 08/04/2018 19:25

Yes you need better friends. Although I take no issue in telling off children in my house, but I work with children so maybe I am used to it? I had my 18 month old niece and nephew visit a few weeks ago and they didn't cause half as much havoc as you've listed in your OP. Just fingerprints on tv screen (they thought it was touchscreen like a phone) and crumbs everywhere.

UpOver · 08/04/2018 19:26

I admit I am probably stricter than a lot of people when it comes to certain household rules

Lol, I actually think you sound really lenient, there is no way on earth I would have allowed any child be it m own child or anyone else’s to behave like you have described in my house. Also, I’d happily tell visitors to watch their kids. Weirdly enough I’ve always had lots of visitors. I’m strict but fun!

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