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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of my house being trashed or am I OTT fussy

69 replies

BiddydeBint · 08/04/2018 18:51

I'm starting to get really fed up with some friends and family when they visit, mostly their unwillingness to stop their children wrecking my house. I admit I am probably stricter than a lot of people when it comes to certain household rules, but I don't think I'm overly fussy.
In the past few months, we have had visitors whose children have ground food into our new sofas, walked mud through the carpet (shoes were obviously filthy as they'd been out for a walk down our very wet and muddy back lane) scribbled over walls, bounced so hard on beds that they caused the ceiling to shake, teased the cats to the point of scratching, walked around the house clutching a bar of chocolate which melted everywhere, knocked chunks out of the woodwork in one of my rooms, smashed a picture, dragged all our books and dvds off ye shelves, walked into my bedroom and started looking in my drawers...

These have been different visitors and the children have ranged in age from 2-12. The parents haven't said a word and it has been left to me to ask the children to stop.

Maybe I'm being precious, but my three DC have never behaved like that in their own house, never mind other people's. They're far from perfect, but if they want to go wild, scream, and roll in mud they can do it outside. Indoors, I've always taught them to take care of their things and ours. We work hard for what we have, and haven't always had the money to replace broken or damaged things. It's about respect in my eyes - respect for the fact that someone else has to clean up that mess, or pay for damage to be fixed.

I'm getting to the point where I just don't want people round, because I can't be bothered doing the clean up after they let their children run riot-right in front of their parent's noses.

If parents see, for example, their three year old taking every single book out of a bookcase and flinging it on the floor, why on earth do they think that's OK? Of course I'll tell the child to stop, and the parents just smile and say "oh you know what they are like at that age" actually I can't say I do!

OP posts:
Shenanagins · 08/04/2018 20:20

Be more firm! My nephew is feral (Parents fault not his), but he gets told off if he starts to wreck the place and told very clearly the house rules and that he needs to stick to them. Sil doesn’t bother to even try to control him so I do as I’m not having my house wrecked which it has been in the past.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 08/04/2018 20:26

children have ground food into our new sofas,

“No food outside the kitchen please. Tarquin, eat your sandwich at the table”

walked mud through the carpet (shoes were obviously filthy as they'd been out for a walk down our very wet and muddy back lane)

“Shoes off at the door children.” Frog March them back if they plough on ahead

scribbled over walls,

Why did you have pens where they could get them?

bounced so hard on beds that they caused the ceiling to shake,

“right, everyone downstairs now. You do not bounce on beds!”

“teased the cats to the point of scratching,”

You don’t let children near your cats. Either let cats go outside or to a bedroom to hide when children come over. Strict rule “no touching the cats!”

walked around the house clutching a bar of chocolate which melted everywhere,

Again “no food outside the kitchen. Eat at the table”

knocked chunks out of the woodwork in one of my rooms, smashed a picture, dragged all our books and dvds off ye shelves,

You need to supervise them better

walked into my bedroom and started looking in my drawers.

Have rules about not going into any bedrooms

This is your house. It’s up to you to set the rules. No-one else knows the rules of your house. Only you can and only you can enforce them.

ohgodalmightywhatnext · 08/04/2018 21:02

Also to add to my previous point , I actually dread to think of the adults that these children will turn into Shock

mikeyssister · 08/04/2018 21:25

@ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo I'm actually speechless at you thinking it's OPs job to parent these brats.

Fundays12 · 08/04/2018 21:34

Wow I would be furious and they would not be invited back in my house again. My oldest adhd and asd and has some very challenging behaviour but he would not dare behave like that in anyone’s house. He can run around, climb, jump around in the garden but inside mine or anyone else’s home or in a public place both my children know they must behave.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 08/04/2018 21:34

maybe you’re speechless about that because that’s not what I said at all Confused

mikeyssister · 08/04/2018 21:37

You said amongst other things, "You need to supervise them better". That's a parents job.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 08/04/2018 21:42

In OPs house? If she’s expecting kids to stick to her rules in her house, she needs to make sure it happens.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 08/04/2018 21:42

She’s needs to keep them where she can see them.

mikeyssister · 08/04/2018 21:51

THAT'S A PARENTS JOB.

It's not OP's job to expect reasonable behaviour from guests and watching your child pull DVDs off a shelf is not reasonable behaviour. From the child or the parent.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 08/04/2018 21:55

You can’t seriously let kids tear off around your house and then whinge about the mess and damage caused while you sat there ignoring it happening because the parents didn’t do anything. You have responsibility for that too! Come on!

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 08/04/2018 21:56

watching your child pull DVDs off a shelf is not reasonable behaviour.

No it’s not. You won’t see me saying it is! But nor is OP reasonable for sitting letting it happen either! That’s ridiculous.

NoSquirrels · 08/04/2018 21:56

How old are your DC, OP?

I don’t mind kids upstairs - they go off to play with my DC, it’s nice - but my DC know the rules of the house (shoes off, no food upstairs, no going in Mum & Dad’s room under pain of death Grin, no teasing cats- and I expect my DC to police these house rules with their friends. If the friends ignore m, I hold my DC responsible for telling me so I can intervene.

I think the muddy shoes, cat bothering & food around house you should have insisted on without drama - shoes off please, the cat hates that leave it alone, here’s a bowl, please use it with your rice cake in the kitchen etc.

The play dough I am a bit Shock that anyone would bring play dough to someone else’s house - let alone put it on the floor! But again - step in “Let’s do this at the table”.

I think you have a toxic mixture of awful clueless guests and an unwillingness to speak up. Honestly it’s fine to ask guests to observe house rules, it really is.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 08/04/2018 21:57

If the parents are doing it in your house then you need to.

Mixingitall · 08/04/2018 22:00

OP, sounds like your friends are not parenting their children, and you shouldn’t have to.

I have a friend whose children are like this, and they have never been back to my house since, it didn’t help that they visited with the dog who also had a shit in my dining room, grrr!

Said Friend and I now only meet up for walks with the kids or child free.

NoSquirrels · 08/04/2018 22:00

And I’m absolutely not house proud - DC can make as much mess as they like in pursuit of fun- but they know what is damage and what is not, and they know the few rules are inviolable (and they are about laziness- who has time to clear crumbs from both sofa AND kitchen AND bedroom?)

Original poster
BiddydeBint · 08/04/2018 22:16

I have been telling them not to do it.
Eg the play dough - I did tell them to do it at the table - they chose not to, and the mum put it all away except the bits already squashed on my floor
I've said "shoes off please" and "the cat is old and doesn't like that, she will scratch" a million times.
I moved the cat to my room - child in question snuck in after her when my back was turned. "Just loved animals" apparently.
I've done the whole "We eat food in the kitchen/stop jumping on the bed please"
I've trailed toddlers around the house as parents have sat on their arse, despite me warning them that my house is not toddler friendly (lots of odd steps) I have chased after them with wipes to stop them smearing food.
I don't expect to have to constantly supervise older children.

I have been nice but clear regarding these rules. Despite all this, the parents have either completely ignored the whole situation or else have acted as though I'm strangling a kitten.

It's happened so often, and my DC are a little older-late primary to secondary - so I wondered if I was genuinely out of touch/fussy, but now I've decided that even if I am, it's my house and I'm allowed to be. So I'm not having them round again, sod it!

OP posts:
LightWithoutHeat · 10/04/2018 20:55

You are so right, OP. Good decision. You work hard for what you have and should be able to enjoy it and not have it trashed by people and their children who clearly lack any respect. Sadly, respect and consideration and qualities lacking in so many today.

Good luck to you. You certainly have my respect.

Clutterbugsmum · 10/04/2018 21:42

Sounds like you met my SIL and nieces, just add screaming/silly noises for no reason other to get attention then I would have been 100% sure.

My BIL & SIL just sit there and smile/Ignore the mess/noise and let some else deal with it.

YANBU to not have them in your house again and I would be honest as to why they are not welcome.

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