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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset over stupid FB stuff

52 replies

PennysSignal · 07/04/2018 22:59

Disclaimer: no I’m not 12, no I don’t live on Facebook, yes I do know how silly and petty this is

I’m not the most confident person, hate having my photo taken and have taken maybe 5 selfies in my life.

My profile pic needed updating, its 18mths old and we do use our Facebook for work (supposed to be a personal touch )so it’s supposed to be up to date.

I’m not a prolific FBer, maybe 3 updates a month? But I do go on most days and interact with my friends and family. I’ll always like or share peoples updates and photos. Even if I don’t partiularly like the content but I know they are having a hard time (yes breakup friend with 10 inspiring quotes a day I’m looking at you). I don’t have 1000s of friends, it’s around 130, none of them strangers, mostly friends, family, colleagues and old school friends and some mum friends.

I took the plunge today and updated my profile pic. I spent time beforehand putting a bit of extra makeup on, I even bloody googled “how to take a good selfie” (Kim k has some good tips here)

Uploaded it around lunchtime and I’ve had two likes , and it’s ridiculous that I would even care, but it really feels like I’ve put myself out there and just be rejected and ignored, like lifting your finger 2mm off the screen and pressing the like button is too much trouble.

I know it’s public as my best mate text me and remarked on my jumper being new...so she definitely saw it. I always like people’s new profile pics as I feel it’s making yourself quite vulnerable just solely posting a pic of your face not in the context of a day out or party or something.

I’m being ridiculous aren’t I. I know I am but it’s made me feel really embarrassed for trying to make myself look nice just to be smacked in the face with tumbleweed.

I don’t know how people who upload countless selfies cope!

AIBU to be feeling a bit sad and embarrassed about it?

OP posts:

mogulfield · 07/04/2018 23:02

People may not have seen it, on average a post will be seen by 5-10% of your friends until people engage with it (likes and comments etc improve this percentage). So it’s nothing to be offended by, there aren’t the engagements as most of your friends won’t have seen it.

Buzzlightyearsbumchin · 07/04/2018 23:03

If you aren't updating much it may just be that people aren't seeing your post when you do update.

It really isn't a big deal but in future you can just delete the post that says you changed your pic and then you're not reliant on other people because they won't see it at all.

PrincessMargaret · 07/04/2018 23:04

I wouldn't expect loads of likes for an updated photo of me. You are over thinking it. I know if you feel a bit low it feels harsh but most people just scroll through. I bet you look fab and no one would have a clue that not clicking a button has made you feel bad.

Bambamber · 07/04/2018 23:04

YABU

Your self worth should never be measured in likes on social media.

SluttyButty · 07/04/2018 23:04

Algorithms have chanced on FB, I see only a handful of my friends posts now.

dayandnightshapes · 07/04/2018 23:04

No one looks at their Facebook on a Saturday lunchtime- try later in the eve. Get your friend to like it tomorrow morning 9-10am and it should be seen by more
(OH runs a FB business and I spend my life trying to make it seen by more than average)

Tbh Facebook isn't what it used to be. I don't use it as much as other social media. Don't be disheartened.

BrazzleDazzleDay · 07/04/2018 23:05

I dunno, I recently changed mine and apparently half my friends bloody liked it, I did feel mortified.

Would be nice to upload a pic without the hooray behind it.

Derlei · 07/04/2018 23:06

Facebook have played around with the algorithms that sit behind the news feeds so much, I bet most people haven’t seen it. I used to check Facebook regularly but since they started doing this, I barely see any new updates, just the same posts I’ve already seen. Even if I go into “most recent” newsfeed, it gives me content from about a week ago!
Sorry to digress but yes I think it’s because you haven’t appeared in the majority of people’s newsfeeds yet

unintentionalthreadkiller · 07/04/2018 23:06

It all depends on the algorithms- if you haven't posted much it'll be at the bottom of people's news feeds and by the time they've scrolled through the advertising shit they probably haven't even seen it.

resipsa · 07/04/2018 23:06

Definitely do not over-think. My next to last one had 100+ likes but the last one had fewer than 10. People are not consistent.

JaneyGotAGun · 07/04/2018 23:06

No yanbu, it shouldn’t matter but it does. Of course you want people to “like” it, and it’s not nice when you make the effort to like other people’s photos & posts and they don’t bother liking or commenting on yours. I get it completely

numptynuts · 07/04/2018 23:07

It's because you haven't posted much, that's all

windchimesabotage · 07/04/2018 23:08

It will be the time you put it up!

Thats one photo out of hundreds that will appear on peoples newsfeeds during the day. The more friends someone has the more stuff will appear on their newsfeed meaning that your photo may only have been up there for a matter of mins... and on a saturday lunchtime.
In that situation you are really only going to get likes from very close friends who might have chosen to look at your page instead of the newsfeed.... and even that is sort of unlikely because if you rarely use faceboo k so your page is not often updated, even your very close friends may not think to check it.

DarkDarkNight · 07/04/2018 23:12

It is probably just a matter of algorithms. I am part of lots of groups on FB and follow a lot of businesses. My feed is pretty cluttered. To see new updates from friends I generally have to click on my own profile so I can see new posts in my friends list.

Original poster

PennysSignal · 07/04/2018 23:14

I wondered why I kept seeing posts from weeks ago on my feed!

I do feel better, thank you all!

And yes I know I shouldn’t measure my self worth in FB likes and I’d like to think I don’t but there is no way of making your profile pic private I don’t think? If there was I would do it.

OP posts:

pompomcat · 07/04/2018 23:16

YANBU. I found this article quite interesting:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-encounters/201610/do-facebook-likes-affect-psychological-well-being

I have been off FB for months now and it has freed up so much time (did not realise how often I was mindlessly scrolling), I still keep in touch with those I really love and don't feel I have missed out at all-I am sure it has done me some good for my wellbeing as well. Obviously if you use it for work this may not be a solution for you, but at the least please don't be disheartened as pp have said

pompomcat · 07/04/2018 23:17

My post crossed with yours, OP-at present no, you can't make your profile pic private.

Allthecake · 07/04/2018 23:18

YANBU, these things can hurt even though they shouldn't. I'm sure your picture looked lovely, but I agree with others that if you don't post a lot people will have less chance to interact with your posts so when you do post fewer people will see it.

Crispbutty · 07/04/2018 23:25

“there is no way of making your profile pic private I don’t think? If there was I would do it.”

Your profile pic doesn’t have to be of you though. Mine was a flower for ages, then a robin..

crimsonlake · 07/04/2018 23:25

Who on earth counts the likes and what does it matter.

FlirtyRomanticToast · 07/04/2018 23:27

Whenever I update my profile pic I set it to 'only me'. That way nobody else sees a 'FRT has changed their profile pic' post. No-one feels obligated to 'like' the post (in fact they can't as there is no post to 'like') and I don't feel like my face is a bag of spanners because it only got a few 'likes'. I think it's a good solution.

Original poster

PennysSignal · 07/04/2018 23:28

Crimsonlake

How is it possible not to notice? Genuine question. You upload a photo and then log back in a few hrs later and you have not one like. Are you really that self assured that you’d a) not even notice b) not care

OP posts:

tiggersneverdie · 07/04/2018 23:36

PennysSignal I think it is understandable really, if selfies aren't your thing, then it is a big deal for you to have out one out there and I totally get the feeling vulnerable thing. I get like this over some things, not so much photos, but people not liking my blog posts I link to etc because I really do make myself vulnerable when I write. I blog about mental health and abuse trauma and as a result only add my friends FB, I would not want strangers knowing things about me.

I must admit though, I use FB more and more now as a messaging thing and for some groups I am in. I do not have time or energy to scroll through my friend's newsfeeds. Chances are people are not ignoring you, but that they are busy too. Don;t know if this helps at all?

and

AnnieAnoniMouser · 07/04/2018 23:37

I don’t do Facebook. However, if I did and a friend changed their FB profile picture it wouldn’t cross my mind to comment on it, unless it was clearly an ‘on holiday’ or something else type of pic. One face only pic to another face only pic wouldn’t really register that I need to like it.

I can see why you’re upset, but I really think you’re taking it personally, when it isn’t personal 💐

You can post it here and we can all comment 😊

huginamugwankinapacket · 07/04/2018 23:48

It's the weekend. YABU but I think it comes down to your lack of self-confidence and I think you should work on it. I bet you look lovely x

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