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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset over stupid FB stuff

52 replies

PennysSignal · 07/04/2018 22:59

Disclaimer: no I’m not 12, no I don’t live on Facebook, yes I do know how silly and petty this is

I’m not the most confident person, hate having my photo taken and have taken maybe 5 selfies in my life.

My profile pic needed updating, its 18mths old and we do use our Facebook for work (supposed to be a personal touch Hmm)so it’s supposed to be up to date.

I’m not a prolific FBer, maybe 3 updates a month? But I do go on most days and interact with my friends and family. I’ll always like or share peoples updates and photos. Even if I don’t partiularly like the content but I know they are having a hard time (yes breakup friend with 10 inspiring quotes a day I’m looking at you). I don’t have 1000s of friends, it’s around 130, none of them strangers, mostly friends, family, colleagues and old school friends and some mum friends.

I took the plunge today and updated my profile pic. I spent time beforehand putting a bit of extra makeup on, I even bloody googled “how to take a good selfie” Blush (Kim k has some good tips here)

Uploaded it around lunchtime and I’ve had two likes BlushSad, and it’s ridiculous that I would even care, but it really feels like I’ve put myself out there and just be rejected and ignored, like lifting your finger 2mm off the screen and pressing the like button is too much trouble.

I know it’s public as my best mate text me and remarked on my jumper being new...so she definitely saw it. I always like people’s new profile pics as I feel it’s making yourself quite vulnerable just solely posting a pic of your face not in the context of a day out or party or something.

I’m being ridiculous aren’t I. I know I am but it’s made me feel really embarrassed for trying to make myself look nice just to be smacked in the face with tumbleweed.

I don’t know how people who upload countless selfies cope!

AIBU to be feeling a bit sad and embarrassed about it?

OP posts:
Duck90 · 07/04/2018 23:49

Really if you hope for a reaction to your picture, you should have reacted to theirs. Treat people as you would like to be treated.

FB is give and take. If you have not been active and liking people’s posts your fb friends will note that.

windchimesabotage · 07/04/2018 23:56

I dont think its even a case of give and take because if you arent actually posting things regularly people just wont end up seeing anything you post on the newsfeed!! So it doesnt matter how nice people are or you are to them, if they cant see it they cant 'like' it!
And if they arent constantly reminded of your page because of updates to it then they may well forget that its even there to look at!

i mean I have nearly a thousand friends on FB and so do lots of people. So if someone posted one pic in a month there is very very little chance I would ever see that on the newsfeed as it would be there at a specific time for around five mins and then drop off the end. Id have to actively go and look at their personal page which id be unlikely to do if I knew that they rarely used facebook so it was unlikely there would be anything to see.

These things depend on far more than people just liking you personally... its actually massively a matter of chance in a lot of cases... and just how much you actually use facebook.

So id advise never to get personally offended by 'likes' or lack thereof because 99% of the time it means nothing about how people really feel about you.

crimsonlake · 08/04/2018 00:22

Nothing to do with being self assured, I purely would not even think to look, why would I.

Duck90 · 08/04/2018 00:30

windchimesabotag, Not everyone has over 1000 fb friends. For you it’s easy to miss others posts. I don’t think people will be deliberately ignoring op, but have taken her lead by letting her live in private.

Op do you at least send birthday thoughts?

KeepServingTheDrinks · 08/04/2018 01:44

I don't do Fb, so i prob shouldn't comment, but hey....

I'm REALLY shocked than previous if you have to use fb for work, you use your personal one, with all your friends and family, around, why haven't you created a 'work' profile which is different to your personal one??? Do your work colleagues need to know that Aunt Doris - 82, you know - has. X y z going on?

CadyHeron · 08/04/2018 02:03

People may not have seen it, on average a post will be seen by 5-10% of your friends until people engage with it (likes and comments etc improve this percentage)

This!

I never see anything that actual friends post.Random groups I regularly post quotes or recipes to,yes. They're always in my newsfeed. Friends though, not always.The more people like or comment, the more they get pushed ahead in able to see.

Treezabreeze · 08/04/2018 02:48

You NEED FB for work? Never heard that before. Unless you do promotional work or something, but then you would have more than 130 friends or followers? Unless you have a business page then your personal page....who cares?

I deleted FB ages ago, think it's rubbish! Everyone care's more about what everyone else might think of them, rather than what they actually think of themselves. Plus is it a breeding ground for low self esteem. Why do people need FB? I even got rid of Whats app because I kept getting added to group chats and really just don't like to be bothered unless I decide to be involved.

Never had Instagram and Twitter or Snapchat! Don't let it bother you, two likes are better than no likes I suppose. Although you really shouldn't overthink it, it's only FB!

expatmatt78 · 08/04/2018 03:29

OP How is it possible not to notice? Genuine question. You upload a photo and then log back in a few hrs later and you have not one like. Are you really that self assured that you’d a) not even notice b) not care
I think I can honestly say I don't really care I don't post anything for "likes" ever - when I have notifications someone has done so I don't even read them. I post stuff I like and think is funny and pics of my family for my family overseas.
It's a slippery slope for your self esteem to measure your worth by ransoms on the internet idly clicking a mouse (if I like anything it's never really done with any conscious thought it really is idle!)
Theres an episode of Black Mirror on Netflix called The Verge about exactly this you should watch it as it exposes social media "status" for the pointless and vacuous thing it is.
In fact to me it is obvious when anyone I follow posts something for likes or to show off - example "friend" photo purportedly of her manicure but incidentally included her mahooosive new bling rings which was of course all that anyone commented on. I can't be sure but the cynic in me suspects that is what the post was really about IYSWIM.
Another example was arguing with my FIL about some bigoted bile he posted and he told me "I posted it to my friends and got 15 likes" which to him amounted to confirmation that he was right. He didn't realized how ridiculous that sounded.
I guess what I'm saying is don't be upset it means absolutely nothing in REAL LIFE!
And as PP suggested if you are unable to feel sensitive about it then use an anonymous picture and post only work stuff

OldBook · 08/04/2018 05:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doublevodka · 08/04/2018 06:16

I'm really not convinced that social media is a good thing at all. I left FB over a year ago as I found it was making me feel quite down after reading stuff on there. Somehow it actually made me feel less connected to people and I found that I was beginning to dislike friends on there who I actually really like IRL.

It worries me how much it influences my teenage DD, I think it's really bad for her self esteem. But I don't take it away from her as she would literally have no communication with her friends if I did.

It's a complete game changer in society and I feel sad that unfortunately it is here to stay.

flaggerblasted · 08/04/2018 06:33

Do you 'like' other friends posts regularly? If not, you won't get many likes back. I find FB very reciprocal in that respect. So I'm a big liker Smile Not that it really matters, but I do like supporting my friends stuff

daisychain01 · 08/04/2018 06:42

PennysSignal you are not alone in being affected by FB, I unsubscribed at least 5 years ago now, I hated the needless competition and people playing to an audience. It was such a relief not having to waste time scrolling through acres of clutter - former colleagues posting racist comments, people's dinner photos, Vague-Booking, the list goes on. Tedious!

As for having to use Fb with work colleagues, that's outrageous! I'd consider setting up a completely separate work Fb account with dedicated email account, so you can keep a separation between work and home.

seventh · 08/04/2018 06:45

YANBU

But you don't understand Facebook.

If you don't post much generally, your posts, photos etc that you do make , won't get the visibility that they would if you made lots of posts each week.

It's the way Facebook works.

If, for the next month, you post lots and like loads and THEN post another profile pic, you'll see the difference

And/or

Your Facebook friends aren't much active on Facebook

SaltySeaBird · 08/04/2018 06:50

Because profile pictures are public I don’t like them as then it shows up on other people’s feeds who don’t know you. I don’t really see a profile picture change as an update as such unless there is a comment or story behind the picture.

I’ll get likes and comments on posts but don’t get many on profile picture updates (although I very rarely change it). I don’t think they show as high in Facebooks weird / broken algorithm either.

UrsulaPandress · 08/04/2018 06:56

I didn't realise one was meant to like new profile pics.

WilburIsSomePig · 08/04/2018 07:44

OP, you shouldn't overthink, you're not defined by FB yada yada yada - all TOTALLY true and we all know it. But I kind of get where you're coming from, it sort of feels like showing someone a photo of yourself and them saying nothing at all, which in real life wouldn't happen.

I've never posted a selfie in my life, for lots of reasons, but if I did I'd probably feel the same even though I know it's ridiculous. I'm sure others are right and lots of people just haven't seen it.

JamPasty · 08/04/2018 07:55

How not to notice likes: when you go to Facebook, go to the news feed not your own page, so you're not looking at what you'very posted. I only look back at what I've posted if done one comments on it. I have no idea how many likes my stuff gets.

Also, I would seriously question having to have Facebook for work. If you must, have a work one and a private one. And lock your privacy settings right down.

JamPasty · 08/04/2018 07:56

"Some one comments on it"! Although I'd probably check if done one commented :)

Awrite · 08/04/2018 08:03

To me, updating a profile pic is like an admin task. I wouldn't 'like' it because it seems bit sycophantic, or creepy.

I realise that the young'uns don't see it that way.

Fuckitbucket13 · 08/04/2018 08:04

I know a woman who posts loads of selfies & she ain't all that but she gets loads of likes, the thing is in RL she hasn't got many (any) friends I think they're sympathy likes.
I take Facebook with a pinch of salt now it's all bollox.

But if it's that important, get someone to comment on it then you reply & it'll go to the top of newsfeed

seventh · 08/04/2018 08:06

Because profile pictures are public I don’t like them as then it shows up on other people’s feeds who don’t know you

Public posts/photos should only show up in friends' newsfeeds. Public just means anyone can see the comments/likes should they choose to search.

diddl · 08/04/2018 08:10

Why did you have to update you photo?

Like you put, it's ridiculous that you care.

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 08/04/2018 08:11

I got rid of my fb precisely because of this kind of thing, I was sick of feeling like I wasn't being 'liked' enough when I knew it was ridiculous. So I do get where you're coming from.

Derlei · 08/04/2018 09:33

“there is no way of making your profile pic private I don’t think? If there was I would do it.”

Yes you can. Once you have uploaded and changed your profile picture, you have to go into Albums > Under there you will see an album called “Profile pictures” > click on your current profile picture > top right corner there are some dots, click those to bring up a menu > then click edit privacy > then select “friends” or customise it

seventh · 08/04/2018 13:03

Just make it 'only me' to view. Other people can see it but not like or comment.