To ask about part time working once kids are older?

[firstworldproblems2018]

What do you think? Scenario:

Male partner works FT earning good money, really enjoys his job. Long hours so doesn’t see DC much in the week but does see them lots at the weekend.

Female partner works PT earning much less, (and would never earn even 1/2 male partner’s salary even if FT) enabling her to look after 2 primary school age children after school/take to after school activities, do household admin/chores/shopping/cooking etc (although has a cleaner x 1 a week) etc etc.

Would it BU to ‘expect’ female partner to go back to work FT after children reach a certain age? If so, why? Or why not?

Just curious as it’s a debate going on in my family.

There is no right or wrong answer except the one that works best for your family!
If the female partner goes ft whose going to pick up the slack?

The only reasonable scenario is whatever the two partners agrees best works for them. If the dh wants to reduce his hours and requires the support of dw upping her hours to do so then a conversation needs to happen. If they both think "this is the best for our family" then it stays as is.

There is no one right fit.

This is basically me. Whatever works for that family and what the couple both agree is best. It’s no one else’s business.

With school you still have inset days, sickness and 12 weeks of holidays to cover. It’s hard if both parents work ft but not impossible. It’s easier if one or both can work pt.

Up to you really. I am going back full time next year when my youngest is in school. But, I’m a teacher so I have holidays off meaning I don’t need to worry about childcare.

What works for the family.

The other bit that comes into play is how much of the household labour the part time worker does.

I raised this with my DH recently. Pre-emptively, but I wanted to be clear. I pretty much asked if he thought I should go back full time at any particular point (I work 26 hours a week so manage to do pick up 3 days a week). Luckily he said he wouldn't dream of telling me what to do work wise. We'd discuss it but no expectation as such.

This situation sounds literally ideal. I understand it doesn’t work for some. But one high earning parent happy to be at work.. one lesser earning parent pt on school hours, able to see kids and attend events and take to clubs etc. Any man I have known unhappy with that had a second option.

"expect"? Nah.

It's ok if you're financially sound. Personally I know I'll have to go back full time as it's going to be a struggle with the reduced income.

I think it is advantageous to have someone part time even when kids are teens. They can then spend time being there for kids. Well worth it so yes it is U to expect both full time when kids still at home.

Yes it would be unreasonable to "expect" the part time worker to suddenly switch to full time hours at a specific age but it wouldn't be unreasonable to discuss it and explore options to see if it is manageable to switch if needs be.

I have a 5yo and an 11yo with suspected ASD. There are no local childcare options for the eldest and I wouldn't leave him alone for more than an hour on a regular basis so part time is my only option at present so that I can be at home to send him to/wait on him coming from school as well as the younger one.

I work 2 jobs averaging 24 hours to fit around them, both above minimum living wage but not by much. DH works 40 hours also at just above living wage. We manage without anyone having "expectations" of what we should be doing and when.

Yes it would be BU to 'expect'. There should be no expecting. No right or wrong answer to this. Stay at home mum looking after her own children is is good. Working full-time mum paying someone else to look after children is also good. So is part-time at home/part-time at work mum.
Of course the general opinion on Mumsnet is that every mum should work, have a career, be fullfilled and be a general supermum. Not my idea Mum hood - I went with the SAHM looking after my own kids myself route. As far as money goes it was a crap decision but worth it for me. ln all honesty your just need to go with whatever works for you.

My kids are teenagers and I tried working full time a couple of years ago but it's just too tricky with four kids and various daytime appointments - Orthodontics/ hospital appointments etc. I've just changed jobs and will be doing 3 days a week which seems more manageable. I just hope we can manage ok on the drop in income.

Sounds like my situation.
My twins start secondary in September and I work 2 days a week but in public sector so it’s a grinding job even though I’m well educated with a degree.
No plans to up my hours but thinking of doing something else...

Not necessarily - I'd actually find FT working easiest at the Nursery stage if you could afford the child care. When they start school there starts to be both "parent activities" during the school day and after school activities, which if you do most of the house care as well, means you need time to get that done (and evenings aren't always possible due to activities). Then as they get older they can actually need parents around more, although they may seem more independent. And it also becomes harder to judge how needy they will be.

This is me from September. I work 3 days currently and have no intentions of going back to work ft. Husband fully supports this.

I've needed more days off for my school age children than anything else. Its much harder to be a working parent with children of school age. Wrap around childcare is a nightmare. Inset days, school holidays, sports days, Christmas shows, Maths day etc

Interesting responses! I was fully expecting most people to respond that it was ridiculous to work PT when the kids were older, even secondary school age.

A couple of members of my family (not DH!) don’t understand why I wouldn’t go back to work FT, but we are happy with the arrangement. I also totally agree about kids needing you more as they get older, although appreciate being at home some of the time is not a luxury everyone has.

I've worked school hours since forever. One dc now at university, other due to go shortly. I have no intention of working any more hours.... ever.

I'd expect to go back ft around secondary school when the kids are more independent l.

Do what suits you. Make sure you have good pension provision though.

Unreasonable to ‘expect’. I’d think differently if the FT partner was reluctantly working long hours in order to just keep afloat and/or the PT partner was wafting about doing nothing (and especially if they were moaning that there wasn’t enough money coming in). But if the finances work, the FT partner isn’t working themselves to death, the kids are looked after and all the domestic nonsense gets done, surely it’s down to choice.

I work termtime only, slightly PT when I am working (not very), and DD is 14 ... I might consider going FT when she leaves school.

I have to say that older teenagers have proved to be the most demanding - and would have been the hardest to work full time with!
We have had MH issues, but there is a lot of it about.

Ideally we'd have flexibility in all parents jobs, so both parents could "be there" for the children. But that just doesn't happen in this country.

If you can afford it - then whatever works for you.

I work 3 days a week and kids are mid teens. No intention of increasing my hours unless DH is willing to take on more of the housework/admin/general life organisation which is unlikely at this stage.

I partly keep the PT hours in termtime for an element of surprise - sometimes I get home before DD, sometimes it’s two hours later. My mum was a teacher and got home about the same time I did at this age, goodness knows what I would have got up to in an empty house if she’d worked 9-5.