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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be shocked at a friend for leaving her six month old baby......

78 replies

helbel3 · 11/05/2007 09:26

in the car whilst she did the school run. We are not talking parking outside the school gate and taking them to the playground. The school has no car park, you have to park five mins away, not joking, take children then get back to the car.

The minimum this can be done is 15 mins, 5mins there, 5mins in school, 5 mins back.

I asked her where the baby was and she said the baby was in the car asleep.

To say i was shocked is an understatement.

So shocked didnt say anything, would you have said something???

OP posts:

petunia · 11/05/2007 14:18

I wasn't aware of parents doing this- leaving children in cars while taking their child/ren into school until 2 weeks ago. I was walking up to the school and glanced into a car and saw a child in its carseat. I was "gobsmacked", especially when I realised how long the child was left- 10-15 minutes. The school is in a really quiet cul-de-sac and I've seen this little one left alone in the car (including this morning) several times since then.
Oh well, each to their own.

OrmIrian · 11/05/2007 14:23

I must admit that I don't see the neccessity thinking about it a bit more. When they are that tiny it's no real chore to carry them. The odd occasion I've done it with my youngest for a very short time, he was much older.

Laudaud · 11/05/2007 15:05

last week we were going to meet frinds at a pub and DD hadn't slept. DH suggested that we take the monitor with us and leave DD asleep in car (I said NO)- we were going to be in beer garden right beside car park. She fell asleep as soon as we started driving and woke when we got there (after I slammed the door shut). Only time I will leave DD asleep in the car is at my parents house in Ireland where the car is parked at the back of the house.

The chances of anything happening may be slim but is it worth the risk?

SoapOnARope · 11/05/2007 16:40

your friend not heard of Madeleine McCann?

Mojomummy · 11/05/2007 16:47

I leave my DD2 in the car when I take DD1 to preschool. The car is parked outside the nursery & I've taken for granted it was safe.......I won't be doing it ever again though.

Does the mother know the childminder leaves her lo ? Surely that's negligent ?

americantrish · 11/05/2007 16:49

i just can't get my head around people leaving babies/children out of their site. even for ONLY 5 minutes.

given that she's a friend, and you may not want to overly upset her, maybe gently mention it. its a tough place to be. :I i hope she doesnt end up learning the hard way.

allgonebellyup · 11/05/2007 16:50

Whats wrong with letting your child sleep in a locked car on a private driveway??
i work as a nanny and the mum i worked for encouraged me to let her baby sleep in the car on the drive, to save waking her up.

allgonebellyup · 11/05/2007 16:51

Would also do it with my own children too, as long as i can see them through the window.
Also at my dd's school, several of the mums, including me, leave their little ones asleep in the car for a quick 2 min pick up.. five mins at v most.

americantrish · 11/05/2007 16:55

i would think babies get stolen out of cars in private drives, as well. its just not a risk, i'd personally ever take.
to each their own really, but to me, its just tempting the fates. and i'd prefer to know my child was safe and sound at all possible times.

flightattendant · 11/05/2007 17:02

Haven't read entire thread...I would leave a baby to pay for petrol, if I could still see them. But not somewhere I couldn't see them, for more than (at most) one minute, as I cannot stand the thought of the baby waking up and not knowing where Mummy was. How could anyone do that to a child??

I can see how it could be tricky in that situation though, perhaps there wasn't an alternative. Still not good though.

FioFio · 11/05/2007 17:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

noonar · 11/05/2007 17:07

at the number of posters who dont think there's anything wrong with this! cars can be stolen, windows can be broken, babies can be snatched. i am amazed that any of you would leave your children unattended in a public place.

cylonbabe, you sound harassed , but my point is that they are NOT safe in the car. as i said, windows can be broken...

but then, some people leave their prmas outside shops...

yes, i'll leave my girls on the petrol station forecourt or outside the newsagent if i'm popping in whilst parked outside. my rule is that i have to be able to see them.

cupcakes · 11/05/2007 17:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

rabbleraiser · 11/05/2007 18:05

In response to the OP, I'm pretty shocked that someone would leave a baby asleep in a car, out of sight, for that length of time.

Would I have said something? That's always difficult, isn't it. But if it's support for your point of view you're after, helbel, you have mine.

honeybunny · 11/05/2007 18:17

I have left my baby in the school car park, asleep, strapped into a car seat, with maybe just a soft toy to hand, or more likely a taggy blanket. I can lock the door with no risk of the alarm going off. So I really feel that she is safe for a short spell(5mins, 10mins max). I regularly leave all 3 dcs in the car while I pop into a shop, and often they ask to stay in the car. I trust them not to trash the place, and they can listen to the radio or CD.They know not to leave the car til I get back and I lock the doors.

ConnieDescending · 11/05/2007 18:18

Its all a question of risk assessment. I personally would leave my children in car to pay for petrol, go to cashpoint, nip in a small shop for loaf of bread.

I wouldn't leave them on my drive, or for a longer trip to the shop, or the scenario described in the OP....but I can see why people do it.

I would never ever leave them in the house to go anywhere, even corner shop or a quick school pick up.

flightattendant · 11/05/2007 19:35

In my mind, not so much about safety as such, but what the child will feel like if say it wakes up as soon as you've gone and hasn't got a clue where you are??
What then? I can't bear to think about the rising cortisol levels in their brain as they start to panic, then posisbly waiting another ten minutes or so before someone comes?
God. At least if they are just outside a shop or preschool or whatever, you'd hear them crying and could abandon the transaction (or older child!) and dash out and get them.
I've done this a few times. I suppose it's halfway acceptable though to leave your babies to cry wherever they are, and I couldn't ever do that either. Just how I'd feel about it.
Sometimes people don't have a choice, but I wouldn't make a habit of it.

mm22bys · 12/05/2007 07:23

You are not being unreasonable.

The other day I drove to pick up DH from MIL. I had my two DSs in the car, and I was not even game to leave them in the car for the time it would have taken to knock on MIL's door, get DH, and get back in the car. So I got them both out and took them in with me..

Maybe I am paranoid, but as we all know now these things do happen...

agalch · 12/05/2007 07:38

Someone posted earlier about it being more difficult when you have more than one child/are busier.I don't think thats an excuse.

I have 4 children and i also childmind but i never leave anyone in the car.I have a 15 yr old and an 11 yr old who have clubs and activities etc.I usually have to take my dd's who are 2.8 and 9 months with me as well as mindee who is 18 months. It is horrible having to wake them if they fall asleep but i'd rather that than one of the many alternatives.

Take them into garage and corner shop too unless my 15 or 11 yr old is in the car.Lots of folk think i am weird but imo the weird ones are the ones who take risks with their lo's.

itchyncsratchy · 12/05/2007 10:55

I just saw this thread and must add a warning to leaving children asleep in cars.
My friend's small nephew died after his grandad left him sleeping safely in his car seat for a short while and the car actually caught fire.
The investigation into the fire proved inconclusive, the car maunfacturer wasn't found responsible so no changes to the car's design or safety features were implemented.
Accidents do happen.

flightattendant · 12/05/2007 13:17

OMG how terrible.

Nightynight · 12/05/2007 14:19

I wouldnt do it.

casmumof3 · 12/05/2007 14:29

We had a car that caught fire after we had just all got out and locked and walked away.
We called the fire brigade and the car was a burnt out wreck within 20 minutes.

I dont leave any of my children asleep in the car because of that reason.

mummyluvsyoo · 12/05/2007 14:36

Not read all this thread, but I wouldn't do it. I admit to having done it once in petrol station, but I got petrol then drove the car and parked it right outside the shop before I paid - he was about 2.5 then and was not more than 2 metres away from my sight. We make sure DH fills the car every week to avoid having to leave DS in car (now age 3), or if pushed I take him out of the car and bring him with me and everyone else just has to wait.

essbeehindyou · 12/05/2007 14:44

Message withdrawn

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