to be shocked at a friend for leaving her six month old baby......

[helbel3]

in the car whilst she did the school run. We are not talking parking outside the school gate and taking them to the playground. The school has no car park, you have to park five mins away, not joking, take children then get back to the car.

The minimum this can be done is 15 mins, 5mins there, 5mins in school, 5 mins back.

I asked her where the baby was and she said the baby was in the car asleep.

To say i was shocked is an understatement.

So shocked didnt say anything, would you have said something???

tell me, how many children do most of you have> and how much support do you have in terms of family, dp's etc?

because trust me, there are times when it is a better mother who leaves her kids askeep, locked and safe in the car to get her other children from the school before going back home to cook them their dinner, breastfeed, do their homework, sort out their fights, do the h ousework, breastfeed, bath, more fights etc etc etc.
having one child with a wonderful dp is very very different from three demanding children with a useless git of a dp and no family support.

i have 2 children and a dp who works all hours god sends, admittedly i dont have pick ups/drop offs yet but i cant see my veiw on it changing much. even when my mum used to drive us round (when dd was young i only had one etc etc) i never ever left her, however much it made a rod for my back with her not going back to sleep i wouldnt leav eher, but thats my personal choice!

I have 3 children and husband that works all day so can't help with school run. I'm breastfeeding ds2 but find using a sling really helps with getting out and about. I do all the cooking and am a stay at home mum. Still wouldn't leave any of mine in the car alone. Locked car doesn't equal safe imho.

I have one child and no support from her father whatsoever. It's simply not an option for me to leave my daughter anywhere - I wasn't left places by my parents when I was her age and I wouldn't dream of leaving my daughter either. If I have another child.... well I have two arms.....

ok those of you that think it's ok... would you be happy if your childminder left your children asleep in the car while going to pick up mindee? because that's what one of the childminders who picks up a little girl from ds' preschool does. and car is a 5 minute walk in a carpark outside the shops not the school and is not visible.

Safety issues aside, it's pretty traumatic for a child who wakes up and finds that there is no adult around. My mother (who was never going to win any parenting awards) used to leave both me and my younger brother when I was 3 and he was around 1 aline in the house, cars, strange flats in dodgy parts of town. Most of the time we were probably oblivious but I vividly remember times where I woke up to find I was in the house alone and being absloutely petrified and the two of us would be hysterical until someone came. Which was often a while.

I'm not saying it's entirely the same thing, but it can be unsettling for children and for that reason I would never to it to my son. JMO.

i think it's a matter of degree - i wouldn't leave mine in a car on a public road for 15 minutes, but i have left them for 3 or 4 minutes outside a shop in a locked car.
also i had a friend who was a great mother and she used to leave her baby sleeping in her car for about 15 minutes outside the supermarket. someone told her what they thought and she was pretty upset about it.

I have been tempted, but despite the hassle, did not leave them unattended until recently (they are now 9 & 7). My worry is not abduction, but that one is choking and strapped in the car seat, or that another car drives into it - there are lots of monor prangs in carparks and outside the school gates - even if minimal damage it is a loud noise and scary bump and would be very distressing for the baby.
now they are bigger I do leave them for short periods ie to pop into a shop, but insist they keep their seat belts on in case someone parking behind rolls into the car. They are old enough now to understad that as toddlers i would not have trsuted them not to take off the belt and be scrambling about in the front.

My friend came round and her 18 month old was asleep in the car on our driveway. She let him sleep, which he did for about an hour. Checking him regularly at least every 10 min. I dont think it was a problem.

It's personal choice. I wouldnt do it myself but I wouldnt judge anyone for doing it.

Lets just live and let live. Some of us wear our undies inside out all day and some of us don't.

(this is something I posted on a similar thread this morning)

It's all about balance of risk isn't it? I leave my children in the car at a petrol station, because to my mind, it is safer than getting 3 lively children out of the car and across the forecourt, round the shop and back into the car. I leave them in the house to pop to the post box, but only when the baby is asleep and ds1 and dd (nearly 6 and 3) are engrossed in something like watching tv, and it's literally a 45 second walk, so am out of the house for a minute and a half, two minutes max. I let ds1 and dd play in the garden unsupervised, but I can hear them, and they know what to do if there's a problem.

Someone I knew from toddlers was murdered a couple of years ago, in his flat. He was a single parent, and his child spent 3 days in the flat before anyone realised. There are risks everywhere.

Done it before but only when I knew I could leave the kids at the school gates and run back to the car. I wouldn't say anything if you want to keep your friend.

I'm with Hula, I wouldn't do this now and my ds is Four!

Anything can happen in that time, cars are not safe places to be left for that amount of time.

However I don't think anything can be gained from you saying anything to her; I really highly doubt whether she would change her behaviour from what you said, she would probably just take it as a personal insult and you will have achieved nothing.

Some people just don't have the ability to anticipate particularly well; she obviously isn't that kind of parent and doesn't anticipate risks in the way many others do; I don't think you can change that.

And any road can be a risk; my cousin would have been killed if she had been left in her mums car, just outside her own house! Her mum didn't want to wake her as she was just popping back into the house to get some things, but she did take her in, and literally one minute later a van crashed at speed into her car.

These things can and do happen.

i have 3 kids ages 6 22months n 7months n i live across the road from the school my 6yr old attends n i wont NEVER even think bout leavin my 2 younger children in the hse while i was pickin son up anything cud happen even if they were sound asleep i wud wake um or ask a friend 2 pick son up from school

My hub's cousin does this with her 2 year old quite frequently

Parents at the school my kids go to do this. Personally, I just couldn't. But each to their own.

I would never do this, as many people have said anything could happen.

I have woken DD on numerous occasions to go and pick DS up from school. It's unfortunate that she has has to be woken early, but I would never leave her alone where I couldn't even see her.

I have seen one parent on the school run with a pre-school child standing in the front passenger footwell while she drives to pick her older one up from school . Now that definitely is very unsafe and illegal too.

I am surprised the Mother did this, especially given recent events. Yesterday morning when I was taking the children to school, somebody stopped me to speak to me about something, and I said to the kids, "run on in now." It's okay for DD (11) and DS1 (8) as they just go along the pavement to the junior gate, although I do always see them in. I'm a bit more cautious with DS2 as although he's 7, he's little for 7, and I guess I treat him as younger in a way. Anyway, once they'd gone in, I immediately felt bad that I hadn't seen them in. I admitted to another Mum that I'm more paranoid at the moment, and even said to her, what if they don't make it in? I'd never forgive myself. I didn't even give them their usual kiss and tell them I love them like I always do. This sad case in the news makes us all assess our parenting more carefully, makes us more paranoid about our children's safety etc.

Personally I wouldn't leave my kids alone in the car. Even when DD (8 months) is asleep I will put her in her pushchair to fetch DS from preschool. As it has been said before, too many risks. But thats my personal opinion. As for saying anything, would depend on how well I knew them I think.

Re: petrol stations, I used to leave them in car when going to pay but there was an incident in the news a few months ago when a little boy was in the car when mum went to pay and he got a gun held to his head when car got stolen from the forecourt. Now do pay at pump!

Maybe it is "mollycoddling" but can't be too careful in this day and age. Children are too precious....

I have to say, when dd falls into a deep sleep 2 seconds before we enter Sainsbury's car park I am severely tempted to leave her in there rather than wake her up and drag a grumpy toddler round the shops... never have done, though, more from fear of being judged/having social services called on me than anything else, I must admit!

When she was tiny I would leave her in the car when I went to the petrol station, and would do it again now if she were asleep, but if she's awake then she comes in with me.

Lots of people do it but it's not something I'd do. Too neurotic.