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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Work issue getting me very down

85 replies

Amberlight003 · 07/04/2018 13:05

My manager has blocked me on WhatsApp, but no one else in my team (as far as I’m aware). Work as part of a big department on what was part of a close team but a lot of members have left now.

There isn’t much of a back story other than just before my maternity leave 12 months ago I was signed off 8 days early, she kicked off about it, brought up me being part time and how it’s a hinderance to the department, she was really vile, rude, loud and sarcastic and reduced me to tears, I’m not that sort of person but her reaction was just awful. I left for my maternity leave that day after gathering my things out of the office red faced and swollen eyed, feeling crap about what went on and it wasn’t a pleasant feeling. While I was on maternity leave she went on long term leave and is due back to work next week, I’ve already been back a couple of months.

The other part of the back story that might be a cause is a girl in my department in the same role as me who id worked with for years, who was a really good mate went on sick leave as she wanted less hours and the job was stressing her out. She told me she might have to leave if she can’t get less hours. A couple of weeks later I text her to see how she was and she told me she’s doing ok as she’s been promoted to a team leader of our team and she’s managed to get the part time hours she wanted. I didn’t want to shit all over her thunder as only weeks before she was saying she wanted to leave if she couldn’t get less hours but inside I was gutted, gutted that the role been handed to her on a plate and not even advertised so I could at least apply for it. I emailed our temporary manager to ask how this decision was made and she said my colleague is fully aware it’s only fixed term until I come back and that she’s actually gone from a permanent job to a fixed term one. My friend didn’t tell me this bit so I was none the wiser. Anyway my friend got into some shit when our director apparently made her feel like a shit stirrer and liar for causing me unnecessary upset as she didn’t understand why she left out some quite key factors, key factors being it was only temporary. My friend then left the company but wants nothing to do with me anymore. My manager and her are good friends and I think they are still in touch so this might be a reason I have been blocked by my manager. Who knows.

I have messaged my manager on WhatsApp few times to send her my well wishes and we’ve had brief conversations. I was going to message her over Christmas to say happy Christmas etc but noticed her profile picture which changes every week and her status, were blank, I just thought she had come off WhatsApp for a bit. A month passed and still no picture or status, it used to be updated weekly. Another month passes and still nothing. My colleague asked me last week if I’d spoken to our manager at all, I said I haven’t but wasn’t sure if she’s come off WhatsApp and explained why I thought that. She said she hasn’t come off it as she spoke to her last week. I said well I think she’s changed her number and she said she’s got the same number as she always has done. I said ok well I can’t see a picture or status on our chat like I used to, she said she updates it all the time and told me what her most recent one was. I said I can’t see that so is it safe to assume I’m blocked, my colleague cringed and said ‘how awkward is that’. Of course she might not have blocked me but very odd how I can’t see her stuff but others can.

I’m in my 30’s and I feel like I’m being bullied. This is a form of bullying right? Blocking 1 member of your team on social media but not others? I’m dreading next week. She’s going to make my life hell. She did it to another girl last year, was rude to her and it wasn’t pleasant she left because of it and submitted a grievance. The grievance was heard and investigated by our department director, who also happens to be my managers good friend. Of course the grievance outcome was no case to answer because she did all of the witness statements and nobody wanted to admit the truth in fear she’d go straight to her and tell her. The grievance should have been looked at by someone impartial to our department to make it fair, but it wasn’t.

To top it off my maternity replacement has been made permanent and is a senior coordinator, whereas I’m just a coordinator but i have all of the relevant finance qualifications, my mat leave replacement has none and only began working in finance 12 months ago, I’ve worked in it for 7 years. I was told when I returned she would revert back to being just a Coordinator but it hasn’t changed. Her signature, the systems etc all say she is Senior Coordinator, she also manages our central email box which is the main source of our daily tasks. I wish I could say it’s because I’m shit at my job rather than it being personal , but not blowing my own trumpet but it’s not. I’ve won 2 awards for my work, had several pay rises, I’m very good at what I do, I’m just part time. I guess I find it a little bit humiliating and embarrassing.

What should I do? I feel depressed about it all.

OP posts:
QueenEnid · 07/04/2018 13:08

If she's blocked you then the message won't go through to the 2 ticks. Have you sent her a message?

Amberlight003 · 07/04/2018 13:09

I haven’t tried messaging as I just thought it was pretty obvious. My husband blocked me as a test and straight away his picture and status disappeared, came back as soon as I was unblocked. Wouldn’t know what to message to her now anyway, it’s been so long.

OP posts:
Failingat40 · 07/04/2018 13:11

She's perhaps deleted you as a contact in her phone, her privacy settings could be set to contacts only who see her photo and updates.

She sounds petty and unprofessional, keep a daily diary of issues when she returns and just keep things strictly professional. Don't ask her about WhatsApp.

Piglatin · 07/04/2018 13:13

She might have just deleted or lost your number. Some people have settings that only their contacts can see status and pic

Amberlight003 · 07/04/2018 13:19

A friend who I’m in a WhatsApp group with whose number I didn’t save for ages could see my pictures etc as she commented on them, so I’m not sure if that would be the case? Confused

OP posts:
BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 07/04/2018 13:19

The way she spoke to you was wrong and she does sound unprofessional. But the WhatsApp thing is bollocks. However she’s not obliged to chat to you on WhatsApp. Your focusing too much on the wrong thing.

UpstartCrow · 07/04/2018 13:22

You are focussing on the wrong thing. Take the last paragraph of your post to ACAS and ask them for advice.

Piglatin · 07/04/2018 13:23

Yeah but that'll be because your settings allow 'all' to see status and picture. But your boss might have her settings as only her contacts can see status and pic

Amberlight003 · 07/04/2018 13:24

I just don’t want awkwardness that’s probably why I’m focusing on the wrong thing at the moment. Can’t stand conflict etc and hate the thought of any.

OP posts:
Piglatin · 07/04/2018 13:27

Just send a text message and say "hey tried to msg you on WhatsApp but it's not going through, didn't realise you'd come off. Just wanted to check in and see how you are" blah blah blah

snowagain · 07/04/2018 13:31

I agree. Just message her and ask her why she blocked you.

category12 · 07/04/2018 13:34

Tbh I'd start looking for another job.

Camdenlife33 · 07/04/2018 13:34

so I’m not sure if that would be the case? confused

You can modify these changes in WhatsApp to contacts only/everyone

OopsPardonMrsArden · 07/04/2018 13:37

Whatsapp is not relevant - it isn't an official method of work communication so forget about it. The real issue as pps have said is the unadvertised promotion of your mat leave cover who on the face of it is less qualified than you.

19lottie82 · 07/04/2018 13:38

Why are you even messaging her through WhatsApp when you’re not friends? No offence and I can understand why you’re peed off, but no wonder she’s blocked you!

Back off and worry about what happens in work, not on WhatsApp!

Amberlight003 · 07/04/2018 13:38

Just seen this option! Didn’t realise you could do that. She’s probably done that then, she probably didn’t save my number then. Weird as she religiously checked my status updates, it tells you doesn’t it who has viewed them. She’d view every single one but hasn’t done for about 3 months. That’s a bit weird.

OP posts:
FuckingHateRain · 07/04/2018 13:38

OP try to be as non emotive as possible and do exactly what UpstartCrow said.
That's the juicy bit, not the WhatsApp crap

EweDoEwe · 07/04/2018 13:41

Wow your workplace and everyone in it sounds completely unprofessional.

Your manager is under no obligation to be “friends” with you on WhatsApp or any social media.

Was the “senior coordinator” job advertised?

Amberlight003 · 07/04/2018 13:49

Regarding the coordinator job...supppse Monday morning i request a meeting to discuss it and ask why the fixed term senior position my now permanent maternity cover is in hasn’t reverted back to Coordinator, and I’m told something along the lines of ‘you’re part time, she’s full time, we need her to remain senior to keep the team afloat’ what would you say? I suspect that’s the reason at the moment.

OP posts:
Amberlight003 · 07/04/2018 13:49

Wasn’t advertised.

OP posts:
OopsPardonMrsArden · 07/04/2018 13:58

Not giving you the option to even apply while you were on mat leave is potentially discriminatory. But as Upstart crow said you may wish to get some professional advice on this from ACAS or your union if you have one rather than AIBU.

PoorYorick · 07/04/2018 14:08

You can't do anything within the job. She's in the position of power and she's in bed with all the people who are in a position to help. All you can do is find another job. If you can afford not to work, I would seriously consider leaving this one even if you don't have another one to go to. You can explain the CV gap as being a SAHM.

nordicflamingo · 07/04/2018 14:13

Forget about whatsapp, but defo speak to acas.

Ilovecamping · 07/04/2018 14:48

They cannot treat full time and part time staff differently also you should have been notified of any vacancies.

ilovesooty · 07/04/2018 15:01

I wouldn't be requesting meetings without consulting a union rep or ACAS.
I'd back everything up by email as well.
The WhatsApp thing just sounds petty to me.

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