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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Work issue getting me very down

85 replies

Amberlight003 · 07/04/2018 13:05

My manager has blocked me on WhatsApp, but no one else in my team (as far as I’m aware). Work as part of a big department on what was part of a close team but a lot of members have left now.

There isn’t much of a back story other than just before my maternity leave 12 months ago I was signed off 8 days early, she kicked off about it, brought up me being part time and how it’s a hinderance to the department, she was really vile, rude, loud and sarcastic and reduced me to tears, I’m not that sort of person but her reaction was just awful. I left for my maternity leave that day after gathering my things out of the office red faced and swollen eyed, feeling crap about what went on and it wasn’t a pleasant feeling. While I was on maternity leave she went on long term leave and is due back to work next week, I’ve already been back a couple of months.

The other part of the back story that might be a cause is a girl in my department in the same role as me who id worked with for years, who was a really good mate went on sick leave as she wanted less hours and the job was stressing her out. She told me she might have to leave if she can’t get less hours. A couple of weeks later I text her to see how she was and she told me she’s doing ok as she’s been promoted to a team leader of our team and she’s managed to get the part time hours she wanted. I didn’t want to shit all over her thunder as only weeks before she was saying she wanted to leave if she couldn’t get less hours but inside I was gutted, gutted that the role been handed to her on a plate and not even advertised so I could at least apply for it. I emailed our temporary manager to ask how this decision was made and she said my colleague is fully aware it’s only fixed term until I come back and that she’s actually gone from a permanent job to a fixed term one. My friend didn’t tell me this bit so I was none the wiser. Anyway my friend got into some shit when our director apparently made her feel like a shit stirrer and liar for causing me unnecessary upset as she didn’t understand why she left out some quite key factors, key factors being it was only temporary. My friend then left the company but wants nothing to do with me anymore. My manager and her are good friends and I think they are still in touch so this might be a reason I have been blocked by my manager. Who knows.

I have messaged my manager on WhatsApp few times to send her my well wishes and we’ve had brief conversations. I was going to message her over Christmas to say happy Christmas etc but noticed her profile picture which changes every week and her status, were blank, I just thought she had come off WhatsApp for a bit. A month passed and still no picture or status, it used to be updated weekly. Another month passes and still nothing. My colleague asked me last week if I’d spoken to our manager at all, I said I haven’t but wasn’t sure if she’s come off WhatsApp and explained why I thought that. She said she hasn’t come off it as she spoke to her last week. I said well I think she’s changed her number and she said she’s got the same number as she always has done. I said ok well I can’t see a picture or status on our chat like I used to, she said she updates it all the time and told me what her most recent one was. I said I can’t see that so is it safe to assume I’m blocked, my colleague cringed and said ‘how awkward is that’. Of course she might not have blocked me but very odd how I can’t see her stuff but others can.

I’m in my 30’s and I feel like I’m being bullied. This is a form of bullying right? Blocking 1 member of your team on social media but not others? I’m dreading next week. She’s going to make my life hell. She did it to another girl last year, was rude to her and it wasn’t pleasant she left because of it and submitted a grievance. The grievance was heard and investigated by our department director, who also happens to be my managers good friend. Of course the grievance outcome was no case to answer because she did all of the witness statements and nobody wanted to admit the truth in fear she’d go straight to her and tell her. The grievance should have been looked at by someone impartial to our department to make it fair, but it wasn’t.

To top it off my maternity replacement has been made permanent and is a senior coordinator, whereas I’m just a coordinator but i have all of the relevant finance qualifications, my mat leave replacement has none and only began working in finance 12 months ago, I’ve worked in it for 7 years. I was told when I returned she would revert back to being just a Coordinator but it hasn’t changed. Her signature, the systems etc all say she is Senior Coordinator, she also manages our central email box which is the main source of our daily tasks. I wish I could say it’s because I’m shit at my job rather than it being personal , but not blowing my own trumpet but it’s not. I’ve won 2 awards for my work, had several pay rises, I’m very good at what I do, I’m just part time. I guess I find it a little bit humiliating and embarrassing.

What should I do? I feel depressed about it all.

OP posts:
Yarboosucks · 07/04/2018 17:32

OP has a low opinion of SAHMs - they spend all day washing dishes!

But looking for a new job sounds like a good idea, especially if you are technically good at your job. Why not consider this?

Amberlight003 · 07/04/2018 17:34

As a manager would you have employees on social media, but then months later delete just 1 of them but not others? Do you think that’s professional, rational and all the rest of it? This is the point in this particular part of my post. It isn’t any of those things yet everyone is basically being arsey with me, calling me peculiar and all the rest which I don’t get at all.

OP posts:
iheartmichellemallon · 07/04/2018 17:35

Op, I'm afraid I'm another who agrees with yarboo & Repeal - you're coming across as very immature & not professional in any way. I hope it works out for you though as it's not nice to feel hurt or excluded (but I can potentially see why given your posts).

lifechangesforever · 07/04/2018 17:37

I'm not sure why you would feel the need to send well wishes and 'Happy Christmas' to a manager you don't like and who is off work herself.

I get there are work colleagues that become friends but I think she made it quite clear before you left that it wasn't that type of relationship, what's the point in trying to force it and then getting stressed about her 'blocking' you? Sounds quite childlike to me.. it's certainly not bullying!

The promotion thing sounds odd and I would follow that up further but doesn't sound like she's had any part in those decisions.

category12 · 07/04/2018 17:37

I think it's unprofessional/asking for trouble, being on social media with employees. Much better to have a bit of distance.

TomRavenscroft · 07/04/2018 17:37

YBH rather than worrying about the social media thing, I'd focus on your manager 'kicking off' about your leave, saying that you being part-time was 'a hindrance to the department' and being vile, rude, loud and sarcastic enough to make you cry.

Have you ever reported that to HR?

Amberlight003 · 07/04/2018 17:37

I think you all arrived at that opinion before my posts. Sad

OP posts:
RepealMay25th · 07/04/2018 17:38

As a manager would you have employees on social media, but then months later delete just 1 of them but not others?

Yes, if there was a good reason for it, which there seems to be here.

EweDoEwe · 07/04/2018 17:39

Oh dear, it’s become clear as to why your manager may have blocked you, and why you’re probably not considered suitable for a senior role.

You seem really quite volatile. I don’t imagine this does you any favours in a professional setting at all.

RepealMay25th · 07/04/2018 17:39

I think you all arrived at that opinion before my posts

You seem to have a habit of assuming what other people are thinking and making every thing about you.

Your "friend" that left the company, she may be of the opinion that you bullied her out of her job.

Highhorse1981 · 07/04/2018 17:41

Yarboosucks

Nailed it

HunterHearstHelmsley · 07/04/2018 17:41

Could the job have been advertised on an internal transfer list? We have this at work so vacancies are sent to those who have requested to be put on the list before any others. If any are suitable/successful then the post isn't advertised further.

Amberlight003 · 07/04/2018 17:42

And what was the good reason reappeal?

OP posts:
Yarboosucks · 07/04/2018 17:43

Yes I had an opinion on the basis of your OP and then you confirmed that my original impression was correct.

My posts are not intended to upset you, but to give you a view of how others can perceive you.

Highhorse1981 · 07/04/2018 17:44

I think you all arrived at that opinion before my posts. sad

Huh? The only information we have is your posts. None of us have seen you / spoken to you / know your work colleagues. Your posts are all we have!

HunterHearstHelmsley · 07/04/2018 17:44

Oh.. I've just read the rest of the OP's posts. Erm... Interesting 😂

RepealMay25th · 07/04/2018 17:45

Take your pick, you have given so many. Your vitriol, your meanness, your attacking people in such an OTT manner, your poor me routine. The fact that she is on long term sick but your only thought is about you and nothing else, that you accused her of bullying for something as simple as not whatsapping you anymore ever though she doesn't even work there right now, your treatment of her friend, your incessant complaining....

Amberlight003 · 07/04/2018 17:46

I’m quite content with my car character and a mumsnet thread where I’ve defended my emotions over being deleted by a manager for no reason at all whilst I was on maternity leave isn’t going to bring me down. Thanks for all of your comments though.

OP posts:
Highhorse1981 · 07/04/2018 17:50

Good luck OP

Sounds like your generally nastiness is catching up with you.

Effendi · 07/04/2018 17:52

You seem to be fixated on the WhatsApp thing when in fact the other stuff you describe is far worse. Why is that? (And I ask that kindly, before you kick off).

HeedMove · 07/04/2018 17:55

I was thinking after your first post you seem to like drama. Then the rest of the replies to other posters came, wow.

Your manager doesn't need to and shouldn't really have any employees on social media. It's pretty unprofessional when you have a professional role. Who cares. Just go to work and do your job. If she was friends with the girl who now left and you stirred up drama for her with the director I'm not surprised. You were jealous of her being a team leader because you wanted that job. Now you are jealous of the mat temp being a senior coordinator cause you want that role. Is there any role someone else gets that you don't want and get jealous or feel annoyed about? Do you ever just feel happy for your colleague?

RepealMay25th · 07/04/2018 17:55

Defended? Try attacked! And said that everyone who wouldn't be upset at the same silly thing as you is strange and narrowminded!
Hope you've got a bit of reality check anyway.

Viviennemary · 07/04/2018 17:59

Well it does seem as if you've got the wrong end of the stick a couple of times and caused a bit of trouble for colleagues and managers with misunderstandings. This might not be your fault of course. Just try and get on with your work and stop worrying about other people getting promotions and part-time contracts. But jobs should be advertised.

Dingdong1975 · 07/04/2018 18:05

Poor you, you are being treated unfairly, definitely get some advice.

It will be awkward and upsetting to carry on working there if I am in your situation. I would start working on my CV and look else asap.

Cynara · 07/04/2018 18:05

I've just found this thread, so haven't been part of the previous conversation, but in all honesty OP I have to say that while you have fair grounds for your point about the manager's behaviour (saying it's inconvenient that you're part time, etc) after reading your other concerns and more specifically your responses to other posters, you don't come across as mature and professional enough for a senior role. I know you don't want to hear this, but several people have said it now, so maybe it's worth reflecting a bit on that and coming up with strategies to get you into the position you'd like to be in at work?