Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Work issue getting me very down

85 replies

Amberlight003 · 07/04/2018 13:05

My manager has blocked me on WhatsApp, but no one else in my team (as far as I’m aware). Work as part of a big department on what was part of a close team but a lot of members have left now.

There isn’t much of a back story other than just before my maternity leave 12 months ago I was signed off 8 days early, she kicked off about it, brought up me being part time and how it’s a hinderance to the department, she was really vile, rude, loud and sarcastic and reduced me to tears, I’m not that sort of person but her reaction was just awful. I left for my maternity leave that day after gathering my things out of the office red faced and swollen eyed, feeling crap about what went on and it wasn’t a pleasant feeling. While I was on maternity leave she went on long term leave and is due back to work next week, I’ve already been back a couple of months.

The other part of the back story that might be a cause is a girl in my department in the same role as me who id worked with for years, who was a really good mate went on sick leave as she wanted less hours and the job was stressing her out. She told me she might have to leave if she can’t get less hours. A couple of weeks later I text her to see how she was and she told me she’s doing ok as she’s been promoted to a team leader of our team and she’s managed to get the part time hours she wanted. I didn’t want to shit all over her thunder as only weeks before she was saying she wanted to leave if she couldn’t get less hours but inside I was gutted, gutted that the role been handed to her on a plate and not even advertised so I could at least apply for it. I emailed our temporary manager to ask how this decision was made and she said my colleague is fully aware it’s only fixed term until I come back and that she’s actually gone from a permanent job to a fixed term one. My friend didn’t tell me this bit so I was none the wiser. Anyway my friend got into some shit when our director apparently made her feel like a shit stirrer and liar for causing me unnecessary upset as she didn’t understand why she left out some quite key factors, key factors being it was only temporary. My friend then left the company but wants nothing to do with me anymore. My manager and her are good friends and I think they are still in touch so this might be a reason I have been blocked by my manager. Who knows.

I have messaged my manager on WhatsApp few times to send her my well wishes and we’ve had brief conversations. I was going to message her over Christmas to say happy Christmas etc but noticed her profile picture which changes every week and her status, were blank, I just thought she had come off WhatsApp for a bit. A month passed and still no picture or status, it used to be updated weekly. Another month passes and still nothing. My colleague asked me last week if I’d spoken to our manager at all, I said I haven’t but wasn’t sure if she’s come off WhatsApp and explained why I thought that. She said she hasn’t come off it as she spoke to her last week. I said well I think she’s changed her number and she said she’s got the same number as she always has done. I said ok well I can’t see a picture or status on our chat like I used to, she said she updates it all the time and told me what her most recent one was. I said I can’t see that so is it safe to assume I’m blocked, my colleague cringed and said ‘how awkward is that’. Of course she might not have blocked me but very odd how I can’t see her stuff but others can.

I’m in my 30’s and I feel like I’m being bullied. This is a form of bullying right? Blocking 1 member of your team on social media but not others? I’m dreading next week. She’s going to make my life hell. She did it to another girl last year, was rude to her and it wasn’t pleasant she left because of it and submitted a grievance. The grievance was heard and investigated by our department director, who also happens to be my managers good friend. Of course the grievance outcome was no case to answer because she did all of the witness statements and nobody wanted to admit the truth in fear she’d go straight to her and tell her. The grievance should have been looked at by someone impartial to our department to make it fair, but it wasn’t.

To top it off my maternity replacement has been made permanent and is a senior coordinator, whereas I’m just a coordinator but i have all of the relevant finance qualifications, my mat leave replacement has none and only began working in finance 12 months ago, I’ve worked in it for 7 years. I was told when I returned she would revert back to being just a Coordinator but it hasn’t changed. Her signature, the systems etc all say she is Senior Coordinator, she also manages our central email box which is the main source of our daily tasks. I wish I could say it’s because I’m shit at my job rather than it being personal , but not blowing my own trumpet but it’s not. I’ve won 2 awards for my work, had several pay rises, I’m very good at what I do, I’m just part time. I guess I find it a little bit humiliating and embarrassing.

What should I do? I feel depressed about it all.

OP posts:
Yarboosucks · 07/04/2018 15:10

I am going to be blunt here. On the basis of your post, wherein you seem to have problems in separating social and work, I would say that you are not thinking or behaving in a way that would encourage me to appoint you to a "senior" position. You may well be technically good at your job, but there are other criteria that come into play when deciding responsibilities. You seem to be making assumptions and then deciding they must be the facts. The facts are that you work part time and so in a large finance oriented department that must limit the seniority of the roles that you can take on. If for example, part of the role is assigning tasks based on a shared mailbox, how does that happen when you are not in. If you want to get promoted, start taking the energy that you are spending on worrying about Whatsapp (which should be nothing to do with work!) and start thinking / behaving like a competent professional woman worthy of additional responsibility and promotion.

RepealMay25th · 07/04/2018 15:17

I’m in my 30’s and I feel like I’m being bullied. This is a form of bullying right?

Nope. She doesn't have any obligation to have you on her WhatsApp. It sounds like you caused trouble for your ex colleague and people are pissed about it. They are allowed to be.

She isn't even in work. She isn't bullying you. you are being ridiculous

OopsPardonMrsArden · 07/04/2018 15:25

Yarboosucks whether or not the OP currently works pt or ft is irrelevant. She wasn't informed of the senior vacancy whilst on mat leave which is discriminatory. And it isn't unknown for senior roles to available as pt or jobs or job shares. I don't think anyone can judge whether someone is competent at their job via aibu posts either, but again, if the op 's performance wasnt up to scratch this should have been managed prior to this point - and she should still be given the opportunity to apply in any case.

RepealMay25th · 07/04/2018 15:28

Not necessarily, and you absolutely can treat part timers differently where necessary. Some jobs can only be done as full time jobs and are therefore not suitable for people who only work full time, that isn't discrimination.

OopsPardonMrsArden · 07/04/2018 15:37

But this is the OP's mat cover. The OP should have been made aware of the existence of the senior role opportunity and not be disadvantaged by being on mat leave. If the role was ft the OP could have decided to apply and accept an increase of hours or to remain pt in current role. But the decision to apply or not would have been hers.

NicEv · 07/04/2018 16:03

I am afraid I agree with Yarboosucks - you don’t sound like you are ready for a senior role.

Does your organisation offer coaching or mentoring ? If so , that could be a really good option for you both to develop strategies to manage your manager and also to develop yourself to be more ready for a senior role.

I think if I were you I would stop thinking about Wattsap , stop talking about that with colleagues and really focus on your work, how you add value , how you demonstrate your professional maturity and how you communicate with and work with your manager in a professional context.

I think the reality is you probably need to give some serious thought to moving on to your next role now but in the meantime if you can access coaching then start that ASAP and try really hard to be professional and deliver what your manager needs at work without obsessing about wattsapp etc

Yarboosucks · 07/04/2018 16:15

Oops - yes, if there is an actual role (and not just a job title…) then it should have been advertised. But on the basis of the OP and follow-up, the OP is not a particularly reliable witness! Getting in a flap about Whatsapp groups (FFS) without really understanding how it works.

I said OP may be technically competent but there are other criteria that mean people rise up in the hierarchy of organisations and good judgement is one of them. OP has not shown that she has that.

Amberlight003 · 07/04/2018 16:45

So I’m basically not capable of a senior role because I’m in your eyes and I’m not so many words, basically immature and unprofessional? Laughable really. I’d love to see how you cope being part of a team where the manager blocks you or deletes your number off social media but still speaks to others. Nope she doesn’t have to be my friend, don’t need to be here either but the real child in all of this isn’t the person who hasn’t reacted but feels a certain way, it’s the person who has done the blocking, deleting over social media. A person who is in a senior position who as I’ve already mentioned has been off with others. So to claim I’m not ready for a senior role and I need coaching because I’m upset at the thought that my manager has blocked/deleted my number and not anyone else from my team just me, is just non sensical and quite a narrow minded way of looking at it. Most people would feel upset by that.

OP posts:
Amberlight003 · 07/04/2018 16:48

Manager blocks employee off social media, but leaves everyone else on it. Employee is upset and confused about this = employee is incompetent and showing signs of not being able to cope in a senior role. WOW, no joking here I’m actually giggling about the narrow mindedness. Grin

OP posts:
RepealMay25th · 07/04/2018 16:50

I’d love to see how you cope being part of a team where the manager blocks you or deletes your number off social media but still speaks to others

I wouldn't be on social media with my manager in the first place, but if I was I wouldn't be crying about her deleting me.

You really have just confirmed the other posters opinion with your last posts. You sound about 12.

Amberlight003 · 07/04/2018 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RepealMay25th · 07/04/2018 16:53

Wow, you just keep getting worse!

Amberlight003 · 07/04/2018 16:56

Grin right back at you. Didn’t think you could get much worse or ignorant ar your statement claiming I’m immature as my direct line manager in the work place has blocked me but none of my other team members. Wow. Ignorance at its highest. Have a great evening.

OP posts:
RepealMay25th · 07/04/2018 16:57

Hey, I barely said a word, your ranting is just epic though. The only surprising thing is that shes the only one that blocked you!

Amberlight003 · 07/04/2018 17:00

Retaliation is what you were after I take it? It always amazes me that Mumsnet is a place to offer advice and reassurance but you always get a few that like to try and belittle others. I can only imagine your parenting skills and what advice you’d give your children when they face problems at work.

OP posts:
RepealMay25th · 07/04/2018 17:10

Nope, but no surprise that's your take on it.

You really are a prize specimen. Take a look at my posts and then at yours, you are such a total bully!

BerylStreep · 07/04/2018 17:13

Wow, that's got weird.

OP, the WhatsApp thing really isn't bullying, but is does suggest that you may have poor boundaries. I'd be Hmm if I thought any of my staff were checking my status on WhatsApp on a regular basis - you seem to have been checking on a weekly basis.

You went into attack mode on other posters pretty quickly - are you this volatile in work? If so I can see why your manager might want to put up a bit of distance. You also sound a bit too preoccupied with office gossip.

Amberlight003 · 07/04/2018 17:14

I have an inkling that if you read through them again you will find the 1st comment of yours where you likened me to a 12 year old a comment of a bullying nature. Really not giving you anymore air time now.

OP posts:
HundredMilesAnHour · 07/04/2018 17:16

I’d love to see how you cope being part of a team where the manager blocks you or deletes your number off social media but still speaks to others.

You don't seem to understand that this really doesn't matter. Maybe your manager doesn't like you, She doesn't get paid to like you, she gets paid to manage you. She doesn't have to be your friend. So what if she likes the others and not you. As long as she treats you fairly in a professional context, that's fine.

Stop making this all so personal. You claim you're professional so start demonstrating it. Keep work and outside of work separate.

Amberlight003 · 07/04/2018 17:17

That advice and opinion I will take on board. But others regarding it not being upsetting or awkward I do find strange and narrow minded.

OP posts:
BerylStreep · 07/04/2018 17:21

But Amber why do you feel the need to be liked by your manager? I've worked with loads of people over the years - some who I get on well, most neutral (as I do tend to keep work and home separate), and some who I really didn't like at all. It's no skin off my nose if the feeling is mutual so long as everyone is able to turn up and do their jobs professionally.

RepealMay25th · 07/04/2018 17:21

I have an inkling that if you read through them again you will find the 1st comment of yours where you likened me to a 12 year old a comment of a bullying nature

Nope. That was an observation and you went nuclear and really personally offensive. Your attitude is appalling and its quite easy to see why no-one sees you as management material.

Amberlight003 · 07/04/2018 17:23

Wish I had that attitude beryl and if I did that part of my post wouldn’t have been written. I find it difficult in a department that’s very friendly in general, I get on with everyone so it’s just took me by surprise and made me feel singled out I guess.

OP posts:
Yarboosucks · 07/04/2018 17:29

If you are not prepared to hear an alternate point of view, you really should not post on AIBU!

I am a manager and I do not have social media relations with direct reports - Unless they have left and we have a friendship that I/we would like to maintain. So in that respect, your manager shows some lack of judgement. But your over investment in that is peculiar.

But what confirms my original thinking is your reaction here. You have decided what the situation is and want that confirmed. But your original post shows that you have in the past acted without all the facts and that has previously cost you friends…

PoorYorick · 07/04/2018 17:31

I was on your side OP, and I still am in the sense that I want the best for you. But those PPs made good points and I think you should consider them.