To see no benefit at all of holiday with dps and pils

[ohhelpohnoitsa]

I am in a strop and being snappy -imagine this is anxiety although I dont normally feel anxious. My parents have (imo) a romantic notion that a family holiday would be great. Us, dcs, them and in laws. I see absolutely no pleasure in this -just constant compromise to the most mediocre option, feeling edgey, constantly trying to appease everyone as I am the common denominator. Sides of the family don't know each other well -Christmas day always together and a few meals out per year. AIBU? Do people do this and find it pleasurable? We'd each pay our own way, I would insist on a kitty as there's the one that would happily let everyone else pay, we dont want or need babysitting services as family holisays for us are about time with the dcs. One side of the family will be fairly independent and be happy to come togerher for meals and odd activities, one side of the family is not and will be with us in every waking moment. Please share your own experiences with me so I can have a more balanced and open minded view. For the record, there are no relationship issues on either side, just dont see any romance in a big melting pot. AIBU?

Sounds like my idea of hell. No way would I go on holiday with my family or in laws. There has been suggestions of cross overs (go to the same place with a 3/4 day cross over) which I have always resisted.

We have gone on weekends away (3 days max). It wasn’t my idea of a relaxing weekend. You do have to compromise and when I go on holiday I want to relax.

Hell would freeze over before I had one of those holidays Op.

No. No. No. No. No

We went on a big holiday with my parents a few years ago. Never ever again. My dad was ok but mother was a nightmare. Everything was "dad won't want to do that, dad won't enjoy that, dad won't want to eat there" when really it was her not wanting to but using him as an excuse. I truly believe that we were just the planners of the holiday she thought she'd enjoy but had no idea how to achieve it.
We never asked them to babysit the kids, and it was never offered. Things like loading and unloading the dishwasher were left to us, and even the 9 year old was told not to splash when in the pool because mother was floating on a lilo reading her book. She just sucked all the fun out of the holiday.. and it was to a destination that is known for fun.

This holiday was a proper 'busy' one, even though she was constantly given the option to do her/their own thing it was declined and then a few hours in she'd be moaning about something. The queues, the heat, the walking, the keeping to a time table. I think you can probably guess the location.

One silver lining it that it's made me realise that holidays where you're trying to please other adults never work

I have an update. So, all of this melting pot idea was my dm's. I stewed all morning, you lot confirmed my thoughts and I made my decision that we'd love to go but separately. Havent yet told DM. Been waiting for the right time to broach it with DH who I thought would agree with DM. Well if only mumsnet had video threads! He has absolutely no desire to go anywhere with anyone, maybe Center Parcs for a weekend with his side. He then suggested I should go for a week with my own dps and dcs whilst he works away ( usually 2 or 3 weeks in the summer) I imagine that to be the best all round solution. Well done DH, total surprise.

holidayz sorry to hear that but lol, your post could have been my opening thread with "I dont want ro go because this is what I imagine will happen" as a preface!
Throw in the pp's "I will be doing all the ooking, dishwashing etc" and a pps "we'd be ready (with 3 dcs chomping at the bit) while others faffed and couldn't make a decision" and I'd think you all read my mind.

I'd rather eat my eyeballs than take the inlaws, we have been with my parents before, at my husbands suggestion, and would absolutely do it again

I think it all depends on the circumstances and the people involved.
For the last two summer hols, and our holiday planned for August this year my mother in law has come with us. It was my idea. We get on well together, she is great with my daughter, I thought my daughter would like it, and she wouldn't have had a holiday otherwise.
It has worked for us. We have similar interests so are happy to go to the same places. We go self catering and are paying for the property anyway. I have offered to look for three bed rooms do she can have one to herself, but she is happy to share with my daughter so the only extra expense is food and entry in anywhere. We put money in to a kitty for that because otherwise we try to pay for each other. (she tries to pay extra as she has not paid for the holiday. We are happy to pay towards hers as she does lots of childcare etc).
We would like to go with my parents too, and could share for one or two nights. Any more than that would be too much for them. The ideal would be to both go to the same place at the same time in separate properties so they could have a break from and excited child when they wanted it. We would do most activities together but others separately. Having to go in school hols would make that option more expensive though.

Done it twice so far. No more. Not ever.

If my dm mentioned this I would laugh at her. They met for the first time for more than walking in the door as the other walked out at my wedding and have then continued the one in one out relationship. They have nothing in common apart from me and dh being married and the grandchildren.

Just returned from the latest week en famille.
It was OK....everyone was more or less on their best behaviour so slightly strained atmosphere pervaded throughout the week. If asked again, I've decided that I'm going to be truthful and say no thanks - it's not for me and leave DH to it! (He hates it too but he's much more of a people pleaser than I so finds it harder to say no when put on the spot).

The kitty concept completely failed to work. Some family members were completely entitled and failed to contribute their fair share. Going anywhere in a big group is a huge hassle as are group meals out or in. Result is stress all around. Life is too short for this shit...

We’ve holidayed loads with my family and loads with DH’s. It’s fine-we enjoy it. We don’t holiday with my parents AND his at the same time though-that would be awful!

I know people who do this and it works for them. I can't think of anything worse frankly.

Stick to your guns. Holidays are precious. Don't be pressurised into something you don't want.