To be upset with male best friend and wondering what to do

[witchofzog]

I have a friend of 7 years who I count as my best friend. We were in a relationship for approximately a year and friends first but went back to being friends as the sexual chemistry wasn't there though we did love each other

I have been with my dp for 5 years and he has been with his girlfriend for around 9 months. I have never met her and he hasnt met my dp mainly due to distance and living in different cities but we usually meet each other for a catch up every month or so. Dp knows about everything as I have always been transparent.

So today I log onto Facebook and see a post from another mutual (male) friend of ours saying they are together celebrating the fact that my friend proposed recently and is getting married.

I feel hurt as he never told me. Not even a text. He used to say if he got married he would like me to take on a "best man" type role but he hasnt even told me he is getting married. He would be one of the first to know if it was me getting married

I haven't said anything on Facebook yet and nor have I contacted him. I won't tonight anyway as this isn't about me and I would never spoil his evening

But Aibu to feel a bit hurt and how do I handle this? Do I "like" and send my congratulations or do I text him tomorrow or both?

Thank you Atrocious. I am really happy he contacted me as I was expecting the worst.

Frantically I do think the friendship is pretty equal really. We are not as close as we once were which co-oncided with the time my relationship became more serious but when we meet we are just as good friends as ever.

Lizzie That is a lovely post. Thank goodness for your friend or you may never have met your dh. It's strange how life works out sometimes . I think like you said, life takes over and you can't always be as close as you once were with your friends but at the same time it doesn't lessen the strength of your friendship either when you do meet up. That s probably quite healthy really

That's a lovely update OP!

Lovely update, I hope things go well when you meet up with his df.
I had a male best friend for years. It all changed when his wife left him and he developed feelings for me. I met my now DH and the friendship broke down. He pretty much ghosted me, which was confusing and hurt me a lot. I don't stay in contact with him much apart from replying to the occasional message as he sometimes says inappropriate things and my husband doesn't like him as he knows he has feelings for me, so I respect that. I do miss him though and wish is wasn't so complicated.
On the other hand, my husband has a good friend who was an ex. I love her. There was total transparency from the start, I picked up on zero romantic feelings either way between them and we still see her.
You seem like a nice person and it sounds like the things that can complicate these things such as romantic feelings, feeling possessive over him, etc. won't come into play, so I hope you get to keep your friendship and hopefully make a new one with his partner.

I'm glad your friend has contacted you. :) funnily enough, mine contacted me at the weekend as well. I expect you will be fine.

My husband had a female friend in high school and years later when we got married she got shitty when she wasn't invited to the wedding or engagement party.

Turns out she thought they were really good friends, to DH she was just a friend he had in highschool and that's it. If he doesn't want to be friends you'll just have to accept that and let it go

Alternatively, he may have just forgotten to let you know?

Pleased there was a happy update. You sound lovely, OP. To resist messaging him on that first evening you found out so you didn't rain on his parade was very thoughtful!

For what it's worth, I'm still friends with a significant ex who has a new partner so it can be done. DH was ex's friend (that's how DH and I met (bit awkward)) so that's made it easier from DH's pov. Ex was a witness at our wedding and they're coming to stay for a weekend soon - live in different cities. However, the reason I think this has all been possible is thanks to ex's DP who has been happy to join in. If she hadn't have been keen we wouldn't have seen him nearly so much.

Good luck with meeting her!

Ah thank you everyone 😊 There are some really nice comments on here.

I think this situation often depends on who the partner is. If the partner is dead set against it then it makes everything difficult and puts that person in a difficult dilemma then.

I am very much looking forward to meeting his fiancee