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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I ungrateful?

66 replies

oldmanriver1 · 06/04/2018 07:49

So. For DH birthday in October I made such a fuss, planned a day out, made a birthday treasure hunt to find his gifts etc etc. Got him a coat and a fit bit, bought him a cake and decorated the front room.

For my birthday, I was asked what I wanted as he had no clue. I said maybe some jewellery and I've been given a cheap bracelet (we share bank statements). Also, I was given a bottle of wine on behalf of our little one (shock - I've had this for Christmas, Mother's Day and now my first birthday as a mother).

I feel a little let down and disappointed. Am I being ungrateful and expecting too much?

OP posts:
Original poster
oldmanriver1 · 06/04/2018 07:51

Also - bracelet is the colour of jewellery that I never wear!!

OP posts:
Pfftlife · 06/04/2018 07:53

Tell him how you feel. Nothing is going to change if you don't

DoctorWhatTheFuck · 06/04/2018 07:53

Selfish DH.

Allthewaves · 06/04/2018 07:54

You made him a treasure hunt, wtf, r u married to a child.

I think bottle.of wine and bracelet us fine. If u want something specific then ask next time

MarthasGinYard · 06/04/2018 07:55

Yes sounds a bit effortless

Has he always been rubbish with gifts?

Fruitcorner123 · 06/04/2018 07:55

Not ungrateful but if he gets you wine from your children every time why don't you just say something about that.

It's a pity but i don't think you can really say anything about the bracelet. Maybe spend less on him next time.

GaraMedouar · 06/04/2018 07:55

For DH’s next Birthday I wouldn’t go to such bother again. He’s obviously not bothered himself by birthdays so just do the same.

MarthasGinYard · 06/04/2018 07:56

'made a birthday treasure hunt to find his gifts etc etc.'

Must admit cringed slightly at this

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 06/04/2018 07:57

A treasure hunt. How old is he 5.Confused

YANBUG BTW. He could have put more effort in to it. Providing it wasn't the Crown jewels you were after.

LifeBeginsAtGin · 06/04/2018 07:57

A treasure hunt?????

A lot of men don't see occasions like women do.

I'd be disappointed too, but you chose to make a fuss for your DH. If he isn't romantic or that way inclined you will have to compromise.

Happy birthday Flowers

Quietlife1979 · 06/04/2018 07:58

oldman some men/women are amazing are thinking of wonderful gifts and then some are shit.

My dh is shit.

I actually said one year at Xmas ‘oh do t bother getting me anything’ (tinkly laugh’ and the fucker got me NOTHING. How miserable was I thst year! Grin

I plan everything I want. Even if it’s lay in bed with, specific breakfast, and my Dds, day out, gifts ect... and he does it and we are all happy.

Chalk it down to experience and plan a good Christmas for your self ! Grin

steff13 · 06/04/2018 07:58

Personally, I would be uncomfortable with all the stuff you did. It's a bit much. Did he enjoy it?

ShiftyMcGifty · 06/04/2018 08:00

What’s wrong with a treasure hunt for an adult? Some people love games and puzzles and it’s a lovely way to make their birthday fun.

LoniceraJaponica · 06/04/2018 08:00

My husband is useless about buying presents as well. As far as he is concerned he couldn't care less about his birthday so doesn't bother much about anyone elses. He doesn't bother about mothering Sunday and it wouldn't occur to him to remind DD to get something. So I don't remind her about father's day.

gamerwidow · 06/04/2018 08:02

If you want to get what you want for your birthday then you're going to have to be specific I'm afraid.
You just have different expectations about what birthdays should be like. Did you enjoy making the fuss for his birthday? If yes then carry on otherwise don't bother in future. He clearly isn't that bothered about birthdays. My DH is the same and for the first years of our marriage I made a big fuss then got frustrated when he didn't do the same. Now I don't bother and I honestly think he hasn't even noticed

userabcname · 06/04/2018 08:05

Don't do so much for him so you don't feel resentful - token gift and bottle of wine. Or tell him you expect the same level of effort on yours but give him specific ideas that he could organise and a list of gifts you would like that he can choose from. My DH tends to buy quite practical gifts so if I want a treat like jewellery or perfume then I tell him (and send links to specific ones I like) to avoid disappointment. We also tend to organise our own birthdays so we definitely get to do what we want on the day.
He does sound mean though given all the things you did for him. Have you said anything about the lack of effort?

LoniceraJaponica · 06/04/2018 08:05

Yes. I have to tell OH exactly what I want for my birthday.

Bluntness100 · 06/04/2018 08:09

Hmmm, I'd check first off you're not both guilty of the same thing, does he actually want all the fuss you go to, or is that more because it makes you happy, you want the day out and the treasure hunt as love organising it? To be honest I'd think it was sweet if my husband organised a treasure hunt for my presents, but would be dying a little inside.

As for gifts, you said you wanted jewellery he got you jewellery, he then got you a gift from your child as well. If neither gift is what you want them be more clear in future, send him a link to what you want. Some folks are shit at buying gifts.

swingofthings · 06/04/2018 08:14

Some men are just not good at this sort of things! I used to put so much thought in my OH's presents. For a few years, we agreed to trade week-ends away as xmas presents. I used to spent hours selecting an unusual place, then would design a creative way of presenting it in riddles so that he could guess. After the 3rd year, he told me that even though he loved the presentation of the gift, he absolutely hated to riddles! I always knew where he was taking me before Xmas day because he would just send me a link as soon as he booked it.

After that, I realised that I was wasting my energy doing something that he didn't really appreciate, so I did the same than him, a card with a picture of the place and he was just as delighted. Men are much simpler creatures than we are!!

Iloveacurry · 06/04/2018 08:21

You now know what to give him for his birthday ... nothing.

Original poster
oldmanriver1 · 06/04/2018 08:22

To clarify.. the treasure hunt was something for him to do with the little on and he loved it

OP posts:
Bumblefuddle · 06/04/2018 08:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

19lottie82 · 06/04/2018 08:26

The treasure hunt ect is all a bit unnecessary.

Some men / women (but usually men) are just crap when it comes to buying gifts. My husband is the same. He needs some serious hints from me (or we go into town and he lets me choose something myself) and told where he’s taking me for lunch on my birthday.

BitOutOfPractice · 06/04/2018 08:26

Some men are just not good at this sort of things!

Some people do you mean?

And as for "Men are much simpler creatures than we are!!" well words fail me!

BitOutOfPractice · 06/04/2018 08:26

Anyway, I hate all this "just tell him what you want", or "I buy my own and he wraps it" shizzle. Partly because fuck me that's another job for me to do. And partly the joy of a present is that someone had thought about you, gone to the trouble of choosing something you'll love, and making the effort to buy it and wrap it. Buying your own sounds joyless to me.

So OP, YANBU he sounds thoughtless at best

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