To wish someone had written a manual for toddlers?

[Hobnobsarenotfordunking]

DS is 17 Months and I am constantly feeling like I’ve got no idea what I’m doing. I am getting everything wrong at the minute and am creating a child that I always swore I would never have!

DS doesn’t talk, he uses some sign language but no spoke words. He is a very whingy child who wants to be on my hip a lot.

He doesn’t eat any vegetables. To be fair he barely eats anything. Apart from yogurt, biscuits, and fruit.

He is obsessed with Peppa Pig. Asks for it constantly (uses sign), screams if he isn’t allowed it on. Wants to watch it on my phone when out and about.

How have I created a screen addict junk food toddler? I’m a teacher, I went on a weaning course, I have friends with children, I read books on babies. And yet I seem to have done it all wrong.

Does anyone have any advice on how I turn my whingy, Peppa obsessed, biscuit monster into a polite, independent toddler who eats broccoli and hummas?

Toddler Taming

This book is superb.

Mybaby how long have you felt like this? Have you spoken to your midwife about it? I think there is something like postnatal depression but when you are pregnant that could be why you are feeling so down at the minute.

I know what you mean about it being the hardest thing. I love the kid to death but some days he just isn’t any fun and I could happily shut him in a room to allow me an hour to watch TV and have a drink in peace.

This sounds like my life. Only mine is just over two and has gone from a broccoli/fish/veg loving good eater to surviving on fuck all. Didn’t start talking properly until a few weeks ago and coming out with 20+ new words a day currently. At a pea yesterday- I nearly fucking feinted.

Mybabystolemysanity
I think you are brave to say how you feel on here, do you have real-life help and have you told anyone else how you feel?

What really pisses me off is when we go to a family gathering and someone keeps asking “why are you always carrying him ...he’s so clingy .... how does he cope at nursery” does my head in!

@Mybabystolemysanity I have had very similar feelings to you and I have been diagnosed with severe PND. Have you spoken to your GP or health visitor about the way you're feeling? It doesn't have to always be like this (at least that's what they're telling me...) It's the hardest thing I've ever been through, I really feel for you having been through it for so long.

Totally normal.

These things all seem like a massive problem at the time but one day you will laugh about them. I was the smug mum who had the 18 month old who was loudly asking me for hummus and carrot sticks in public places. Then came DD2, weaned identically, who will only eat Peppa Pig branded yoghurt and, I discovered this weekend, Easter Eggs. She is simply not interested in food. Don’t worry about it; nobody is judging you as harshly as you are judging yourself.

Personally, I don’t get the hullabaloo about screen time; as long as your child is getting at least three hours running around each day I really don’t think it’s an issue, as long as you know what they’re watching/playing.

You are certainly not getting everything wrong; if you think about it on a global/historical scale, the vast majority of the children of parents posting on this forum - well loved, offered a huge variety of foods (even if he doesn’t eat them!), access to clean water/milk, warm/clean clothing and housing, plenty of educational toys/books/programmes/experiences - have got the best toddlerhoods of all time!

My 16mo doesn’t stop talking but he’s Peppa obsessed despite watching it about three times and wouldn’t eat a vegetable if you paid him

Bribery and blackmail usually do the trick, right until they become adults.

With my toddler I have the opposite problem at the moment. They love their food, but have to have a specific biscuit as part of their milk allergy plan. They hate the biscuit and would rather eat a piece of fruit! I never thought I'd utter the words "eat your biscuit and then you can have an apple...please??"

Other than that, most things are kept simple. Small choices, but not necessarily what they want. More along the lines of "blue toothbrush or yellow one?". And plenty of employing the help of their toy baby to make them jealous enough to want to take over. Like changing baby's nappy.

Bribery and blackmail. Works on my 15y.o., too!

Yes Forumqueen! My MIL gets most put out when DS won’t let her pick him up or cuddle him. He just wants me, especially if we are somewhere unfamiliar. I haven’t made him this way, it’s just how he is.

I wrote a manual about toddlers.
Chapter 1: Chose 1 room as far away from the main part of the house as possible. With a screen. Cover everything with wipe clean foam.
Chapter 2: Wear easy-clean protective clothing with lots of pockets.
Chapter 3: Feed them whatever they will eat. Be very careful when making additions or changes to the menu.
Chapter 4: Only take them to places that noisy, dirty, active children are welcome/not even noticed.
Chapter 5: Buy a potty training book. Read it. Then potty train and laugh manically at the naivity of the author.
Chapter 6: Just ride it out. It will pass.

No one would publish it.

I've been like this since she was born. Definitely more bad days than good. I've also been through two health visitors, a referral to community mental health with three nurses before getting to see a counsellor who wants me to listen to relaxation CDs (haven't even told husband, so anything like bloody CD's isn't happening) and two GP's and the Midwife. Nobody took it seriously when I asked for a referral to a specialist perinatal mental health midwife at the hospital for this pregnancy. Apparently I actually do have to get to harming either myself or one of the babies. I won't be doing that, so on we grind. I have to try and be optimistic that I'll get a velcro baby who breastfeeds perfectly and doesn't want to be put down or left alone ever and then I might just about cope with number one. Maybe it's just a phase?

You do realise that the books are Whitby parents of easy children

“Just offer broccoli and they will eat it”
Hahahahaha

“Limit screen time to 15 minutes a week”
Hahahahaha

I’m raising a hell raiser
He is 3 and things like going to the supermarket are almost manageable with super amount of keepyhim engaged and focused, but 1 and 2 were hell on earth.

It’s so hard because people with the easy kids look at you like you are a total failure (eg my best friend) while their little angel goes along happily with every thing. But I parent my ass off to get through each day and I’m pretty sure the judgers wouldn’t last an hour in my shoes.

My ds rocks, don’t know how he will turn out, but we always say he will either rule the earth or wreck it

I've got 4DC and they range from 10 months to 8 years and I can promise you your DS will change and will present a whole new series of things they do/won't do that will send you round the twist. DS1 (8) didn't really speak until he was nearly 3, I was really concerned, flagged it with the health visitor/community nursery nurse, flagged it with nursery; I needn't have worried he went to preschool found his voice and hasn't shut up since .
DD1 (5) was attached to me pretty constantly until she was 2.5, she's now an independent, confident little girl who calls a spade a spade takes shit off no one
DS2 (2.5) was an until he hit 2 and had since turned into a whirling dervish of destruction and stubbornness who pushes me to the brink but then turns round, twinkle in the eye, gives me a big hug and a kiss and tells me he loves me
DD2 is only 10 months old and is so laid back she doesn't give a shiny shit as long as she's got someone to play with, food and milk and DS2 doesn't get too affectionate he's been known to cuddle a little too firmly she is, however, developing her own little personality and I've had glimmers of what my future holds i will require gin and cake every day until she moves out
I was the parent who was perfect (no junk food, no screens, perfectly polite etc etc) and then I had children! My DSis must have been absolutely wetting herself with laughter when I actually had my PFB and couldn't stick to my "When I have children......"
Bless her, she's never said a word, although she has every right to
All children are different and all have their own challenges that they bring, just remember the Mumsnet mantra - this too shall pass closely followed by pass the wine/gin/tipple of choice and the chocolate/cake/all of the above
Your DS is loved, clothed, fed and entertained, how that happens might not be the ideal you had in your head but it is what it is don't beat yourself up. If you want to change it, do it gently, start small and go into it knowing you'll do the cha-cha two steps forward one step back regularly but that you'll get to a point where it works and you're happy with it. Manuals are all well and good Mumsnet wrote one but the DCs don't read 'em.

It’s so hard because people with the easy kids look at you like you are a total failure (eg my best friend) while their little angel goes along happily with every thing. But I parent my ass off to get through each day and I’m pretty sure the judgers wouldn’t last an hour in my shoes.

This! Yes winner winner! I have one friend who has a little
Boy more boisterous than mine and when ever we meet up it’s bliss!! We can complain and feed our boys sugery treats while letting them ru. Wild without judgement

What is an easy child? DD1 ate everything I put in front of her, loved her fruit and veg, walked and talked early, potty trained easily and was angelic right through primary school. Then she hit her teens and I had four years of fucking hell. Endless calls from school, endless meetings, refused to eat anything even remotely healthy from about 10 onwards, argued with me all the time, her room was a tip and it was a bloody relief when she went off to uni before we killed one another. Even now if she's home too long we start arguing!

DD2 was a hellish baby/toddler who didn't sleep through the night until she was 4. She was the small child who had to have a full body pat down after leaving a shop because she was prone to a bit of shoplifting. She's now 12 and although she has autism is actually easier than her sister at this age.

No stage is easy, all kids are different and they will all drive you to utter distraction at times. Even the so called 'easy' kids.

And they drain money faster than gambler in a casino.

Yep, toddler taming as already mentioned!

Firstly, let me say that I have cried actual tears over uneaten pasta.

BUT... when you’re having a difficult time, are you more likely to snap at your partner or your boss? I doubt you’re taking your crap days out on your colleagues because you’re on your best behaviour at work. This is what toddlers do at nursery, for grandparents and often dad.

Dada is easier to say!

My 2 yo won't sit in the pram and also won't walk screams PIIIIIIIIG and does a big snort at the tv when he wants Peppa on. Also obsessed with MIIIIIING (bing). Subsists mostly on yogurts and now wants to sleep in my bed with me.

Repeat to yourself ‘it’s only a phase, it’s only a phase’

Very little you do at this age is still going to be happening an a couple of months time let alone years. He won’t be Peppa obsessed when he is 16, he won’t starve himself so just give him some food that you know he likes and some he doesn’t at every meal. Don’t turn food into a battle, just accept that he eats what he does right now and that’s it. Turning meal times into a battlefield won’t help anyone down the line. I know it’s super frustrating when they chuck perfectly homemade food on the floor but the less you react the less it will happen.

With talking, some kids are just later than others. Some concentrate on movement before mastering language, others speak really early and move late. Practically from the minute she was born I’ve narrated our day to my DD, told her what’s happening, asked her questions, showed her things. It’s cone naturally but you can learn yourself to do it. DD is just over 2 and speaks in full sentences. Couldn’t walk until 14 months but had about 45 words at that point.

@mybaby I’m so sorry you’re struggling, your DD is still really very little and you’ve spent a lot of her life either recovering from pregnancy hormones and then having them all again. I hope you’ve got some support in real life and if you feel you need it then see your GP.

What no one tells you is that motherhood is at times mind numbingly boring, especially the early years before they develop into tiny dictators.

You really don’t have to enjoy every minute of it, and you don’t need to feel guilty for not doing so.

I remember at this age, DD2 would let me know what she wanted to eat by pointing and roaring at the appropriate shelf in the kitchen. I used to just lift her up and wait for the roaring to stop, then I knew what she wanted. One time it was red food colouring and I was so desperate for her to get some calories in (she'd been ill) that I made up runny icing sugar, coloured it red and then sucked it up into the tube of colouring and gave it to her to eat. I don't have any advice sorry, but she did mostly grow out of it, and I look back on those crazy times fondly. It's the crazy shit that makes them who they are.

This sounds like my just turned two year old DS who refused to nap today despite looking absolutely exhausted, and then later had a meltdown because he couldn't get into his toy campervan. Said campervan fits nicely in one of my palms.....................

And I talked all day to dd and the hv said she was behind at 17 months and kept giving me heaps of things to do, all of which I was already doing. She scared me terribly because she said if it wasn’t working there must be something wrong. There wasn’t. Dd is 2 and has jumped ahead. It’s not due to my efforts, it was just her time. Some of it is definitely down to CBeebies. And YouTube.

Some children are just more placid and go along with things. I have regularly received the compliment ‘aren’t they a good baby’ about both my children. But only when they’re asleep.

Bustopher I talk to DS all day long. Constant running commentary but it doesn’t make a difference. He just isn’t ready yet. He was a late Walker too and only got on his feet a month ago.