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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I wish I was a woman so I

105 replies

FickleHuman · 05/04/2018 13:14

Could have a bunch of kids, give up work & go out enjoying the sun.

AIBU to let this annoy me??

I know it's complete ignorance on his part but a huge part of me has lost all respect and no longer want to continue seeing him.

I know this is a running thing but Christ! Do your job and il do mine, no ones is harder or easier. Why do people feel the need to comment??

OP posts:
FittonTower · 05/04/2018 13:17

Whoever wrote/said that sounds like a prick.

PurpleDaisies · 05/04/2018 13:17

Who said that?

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 05/04/2018 13:19

What was the context?

Original poster
FickleHuman · 05/04/2018 13:20

A guy I'm seeing asked me what I was up to. Told him I was taking my DS to the park to get him out due to the bad weather recently.

He is reply was the above.

OP posts:
NSEA · 05/04/2018 13:21

This just sounds like someone who hasn’t got children rather than someone who should be shunned. Educate him 😂

Original poster
FickleHuman · 05/04/2018 13:22

Apparently he's a big kid so would rather be at home playing all day with the kids than work for minimum wage

OP posts:
Elementtree · 05/04/2018 13:22

He's got a big chip on his shoulder. He's going to be hard work.

JessieMcJessie · 05/04/2018 13:23

Why don’t you point out to him that with shared parental leave now available to him by law he doesn’t have to be a woman to do exactly that?

FittonTower · 05/04/2018 13:24

Yeah, i would stop seeing him. Based on that response he has a low oppinion of you and women in general. Why would you want to waste your time?

hidinginthenightgarden · 05/04/2018 13:25

I would not see him again. Prick.

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 05/04/2018 13:25

If he has said that about himself 'I'm a big kid', that would totally put me off the immature little twerp.

mzcracker · 05/04/2018 13:25

Sounds like a bit of a bellend. It's a throwaway comment and Ive heard people say stuff like this all the time. It comes from a place of ignorance but like you I'd lose respect for him too.

Original poster
FickleHuman · 05/04/2018 13:25

I've just offered for him to be my free childminder full time & il go to work.

I'm not putting anyone who works full time down at all. I worked until I went on mat leave. I just hate that uneducated/ignorant seem to think having kids is the easiest thing!

Il admit not so loudly that I was one of those, I actually said "I'd rather be at home with a child than work". Now I've got my wish!

OP posts:
Original poster
FickleHuman · 05/04/2018 13:27

In no way am
I looking for praise for what I do. It was my choice. I simply don't want it made out to be easy given how difficult it was especially at the start.

Sad I really liked him until he said this

OP posts:
Ceirrno · 05/04/2018 13:28

If the guy I'm dating said that I'd just assume it was light-hearted

ClaryFray · 05/04/2018 13:28

I wouldn't be seeing him again.

Pinkvoid · 05/04/2018 13:32

I would avoid seeing him again, definitely would have given that response the cold shoulder. Extremely rude and offhand.

Original poster
FickleHuman · 05/04/2018 13:33

I don't think I can.

His response to me offering him to be my free childminder was "deal! Il give up work & enjoy the summer".

I'm going hugely with ignorance. The fact he's missing the tantrums, the bum changes, the tiredness, the illnesses, the limitations.

OP posts:
JessieMcJessie · 05/04/2018 13:36

Depending how serious you are getting, it would be interesting to see how he reacts if, next time you see him, you say to him quite seriously that you know it was probably a throwaway comment but you just need to explain to him what the realities of your life involve and that being a SAHM is really not the holiday that he seems to think it is. After all that’s part of getting to know each other, right?

If he gets all defensive and “it was only a joke babe” then you might want to move on but you never know, he might actually take a proper interest in your life.

DinahMo · 05/04/2018 13:36

Aw, sorry OP. At best he sounds immature and a bit stupid. I think my response would have been along the lines of Jessie - thanks to equality he is as much at liberty to give up work to care for children as a woman is. If he didn’t immediately backtrack and understand quite how offensive what he said is, then really I wouldn’t bother with him any more. Plenty more in the sea.

SpringNowPlease2018 · 05/04/2018 13:37

"Could have a bunch of kids, give up work & go out enjoying the sun."

tell him he should have sorted his life out so he could do that then.

and stop seeing him.

Desmondo2016 · 05/04/2018 13:38

Was it his serious opinion or just a lighthearted dig?

I always joke I'd love to be a teacher to get the long holidays and finish at 3.30 every day... gets an AWFUL reaction from my teacher friends but I don't really mean it and I have the UTMOST respect for them. Is it not like that?

DairyisClosed · 05/04/2018 13:39

Well to be fair it must get frustrating that men don't get the option to be SAHP without an obscene amount of judgement. I wish that my sons could not work and stay home with children if they wanted to just as easily as I did but I know that if they do it will be difficult for them. For me it was a given that my husband would work harder to support us all while I stayed at home. Lots of people even assumed that I would be a housewife permanently. But when a man does it he comes against side comments about his masculinity, the suggestion that his wife is somehow his superior, that he had robbed his wife of her natural dues etc. And that's if he even made a he's to find a woman who earns enough to support a whole family in the first place. He may have been expressing a resentment at not having the option to do what you have rather than trying to devalue the hard work you have put in

TheStoic · 05/04/2018 13:39

What does he do for a living?

NotUmbongoUnchained · 05/04/2018 13:39

But you do get to enjoy the summer when you’re home with the kids?

That’s why I’ve taken the summer off!

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