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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think it's MY choice when to start maternity leave?

71 replies

Zoidbergy09 · 04/04/2018 16:39

NC for this.
Just discussed maternity leave with work. Agreed with HR that I need to use up as much holiday as possible between now and then. I said because of this I will use a weeks holiday before officially starting my maternity leave, and that I will discuss shorter weeks with my boss leading up to this.
Booked the holiday on our online system and my boss is now in a foul mood, saying "well you can't have holiday then because EmployeeB has already got holiday booked for then, can't have both of you off at the same time".
To which I replied that I had to start my maternity leave sometime, and Boss just sat there grumbling about how difficult it's going to be.

For what its worth EmployeeB has only joined in the past month, and already had their holiday booked before signing the contract to work here!

AIBU to be really pissed off at how this is being handled and how it's making me feel?
It's not like I can delay giving birth ffs.

Anyone else had sh*tty experiences with work whilst pregnant?

OP posts:
HumptyD93 · 04/04/2018 16:45

but if you started your maternity leave a week earlier theyd have to lump it really wouldnt they (unless you were leaving at the earliest you can start ML???)

My ex-boss said I needed a doctors note to say I couldn't/shouldn't be lifting things (i had a bad back....still do 9 yrs later due to over stretching of a muscle in my lower back). Also told me I was making morning sickness up because she never got any of it with her pregnancy.

Original poster
Zoidbergy09 · 04/04/2018 16:50

@HumptyD93
exactly my point. They could in theory say no to the holiday. In which case I would just start my maternity leave earlier. HR was absolutely fine with it, but it's put Boss into such a bad mood.
I don't believe for a second that she's only just realised that I'll be leaving work regardless of who's booked holiday and when.
If its worth anything at all I was actually hoping to start maternity leave a week earlier than I've booked the holiday for but have delayed it because SHE has a few days booked off the week before.

OP posts:
Original poster
Zoidbergy09 · 04/04/2018 16:53

Also I'm leaving 2 weeks before due date.... the earliest you can leave is 11. I've had a really tough pregnancy so far and have been in and out of hospital.
I worked up until due date before and have decided not to push myself so hard this time.
Didn't expect to be made to feel so guilty for it though Sad

OP posts:
Brokenbiscuit · 04/04/2018 17:01

Is it to do with cover? As a manager, I'm allowed to hire maternity cover but due to organisational policy, I can't allow them to start until the maternity leave officially starts - I can't get anyone in to cover annual leave before or after mat leave. This sometimes makes it really difficult from an operational point of view when people want to take their leave at these times. I do try to work around it, but just wondered if that might be what's causing your boss to be grumpy about it?

Ultimately, as you say, if the leave is declined, you can just start mat leave early. Will you lose your leave if you don't take it by a certain date?

grouchymamabear · 04/04/2018 17:21

It's crazy if your boss expected that you'd still be working 3 weeks before your due date!

I chose to start mine 10 weeks before and HR just took my accrued holiday (5 weeks worth) and bumped the start of my mat leave back accordingly. So officially my leave and pay started 5 weeks before due date even though I'd already been off for 5 weeks at that point.

Might be worth seeing if that's something that can be done if you can't take your holiday entitlement when you want it?

throwcushions · 04/04/2018 18:03

Grouchy, what did you do in those 10 weeks?

OP you are not being unreasonable at all but sadly there is probably not much you can do right now except keep a written record of the comments made.

throwcushions · 04/04/2018 18:03

And don't feel guilty. I am guessing your boss would have been like this whenever you started your leave.

greendale17 · 04/04/2018 18:05

It's crazy if your boss expected that you'd still be working 3 weeks before your due date!

^Everyone I know worked up 1/2 weeks before their due daye

HumptyD93 · 04/04/2018 18:11

2 weeks before DD isnt unreasonable of you in the slightest. Your boss is BU to try and dictate when you can and cannot take holiday or ML.

I started ine 10 weeks before due date, mainly because I knew I wasn't going to go back afterwards and I couldn't leave soon enough!!!

Start your ML when you want and ignore what boss says... esp if HR are fine with it all. Dont feel guilty about it x x

grouchymamabear · 05/04/2018 07:42

throwcushions - very little actually but glad I had a few weeks where my needs/wants were my top priority. If anything, I wish I had done less (slept more, spent more time relaxing in the bath...) because those were luxuries I took for granted.

grouchymamabear · 05/04/2018 07:46

greendale that might be so but it is every individual woman's choice to decide when she will take her maternity leave so it shouldn't be assumed that she would still be around with 3 weeks to go is what I meant by that comment.

Dermymc · 05/04/2018 07:47

10 weeks before is crazy, I'd have been bored out of my mind!

OP yanbu, go when suits you best.

Anniegetyourgun · 05/04/2018 07:59

It depends on health, though, doesn't it? Some women simply aren't up to carrying on working until the last minute. Others breeze through physically but may or may not have other demands that make an early break important. That's why there is so much flexibility in the rules.

Let the boss grumble, as long as HR are fully behind you. Do what you have to do. If you get ill you won't be in anyway.

TittyGolightly · 05/04/2018 08:01

You do have the right to decide when to start your mat leave. Annual leave is a different matter. You can’t lose it, but your employer doesn’t have to let you take it when you want to.

Neverender · 05/04/2018 08:02

I'd have a quiet word with someone I trust in HR and ask them to go and speak to my boss in a "How's it going?" sense. They might be able to confirm (gently) your entitlement to him.

TittyGolightly · 05/04/2018 08:34

Her entitlement is as I’ve spelt out above. She doesn’t have any greater right to demand when she takes annual leave.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 05/04/2018 08:40

Does it matter that your boss is in a grump? You know she is being unreasonable, she can't stop it so just ignore and carry on as normal. Presumably she will have a word with herself and get over it.

timeisnotaline · 05/04/2018 08:42

Yestitty that is factually correct but it’s a pretty irrelevant when op will be 37 weeks pregnant, is using AL as she’s been told to and will just go on mat leave if they are arsey. Any decent boss/ person should be able to see that.
I’d offer your boss a compromise- you could take the week before as AL and go on mat leave that 37th week. Say innocently this way I’m still taking my al as asked but not that week, would you prefer that? Grin

Nodancingshoes · 05/04/2018 08:48

Your boss will be able to claim back the maternity leave costs but not the annual leave so he can refuse the holiday if someone else is off and ask you to start mat leave instead. We have several people expecting at my work currently who all want to take their holiday before starting mat leave - it is a bit if a nightmare. Hope you get it sorted

BlondeB83 · 05/04/2018 08:49

10 weeks before? Weren’t you bored?!

Cakeycakecake · 05/04/2018 08:56

I went on sick leave at 20 weeks, had a sick note right up to 36weeks when they put me automatically on ml.
I was on crutches and strong medication which meant I couldn’t be in a room full of kids not competently walking. Still had to take ds there day in day out (luckily a friend took him in when she could and home again when possible too).

Ended up induced at 37weeks though. Never did return even though it was always the plan, was diagnosed with mh problems that were debilitating and work medically retired me.

Mammyofasuperbaby · 05/04/2018 09:02

I took 2 weeks anual leave at 31 weeks only going in for Saturday's as they are impossible to get off and started ml at 33 weeks. My first manager was arsey about it as he didn't believe that I had SPD and could barely walk and tried to persuade me to work till 38 weeks as that's "normal". He left and my new manager was lovely and put it through for me although it was very last minute because of past managers incompetence. Turns out it was lucky I put my leave in for then as my baby was born on the day my mat leave started due to a sudden illness

Bramble71 · 05/04/2018 09:05

Employers almost always honour holidays already booked by a new member of staff. You put your annual leave request in after, so I think YABU.

hibbledibble · 05/04/2018 09:08

You can start maternity leave whenever you like, but your employer can deny annual leave at a time that doesn't suit the company. Two different issues

Emmasmum2013 · 05/04/2018 09:19

Playing devil's advocate here: From a management perspective, it can be a pain when one staff member has already booked leave and then another decides they want the same dates off. I always found it put me in a really awkward position.

On the one hand, you can't go to the person who has already booked it and ask them to cancel - it was against company policy for me anyway. You could ask them if it was possible to move the leave but they have every right to refuse once its been approved - and if, like yourself, its something inescapable like mat leave then you can't say no to that either. So you've just got to end up short staffed. And fair enough, yes, you're going to be starting mat leave soon anyway and not be there regardless but maybe your boss was hoping to get some things boxed off while you were still there and the other girl is off?

Your boss is being insensitive, and you're right. They're going to have to cope without you when you go off.. but has your boss maybe got another boss breathing down is neck about targets perhaps? I always found that shit rolled down hill and if my boss was giving me a hard time it was usually because he was getting it off someone else too.

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