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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think it's MY choice when to start maternity leave?

71 replies

Zoidbergy09 · 04/04/2018 16:39

NC for this.
Just discussed maternity leave with work. Agreed with HR that I need to use up as much holiday as possible between now and then. I said because of this I will use a weeks holiday before officially starting my maternity leave, and that I will discuss shorter weeks with my boss leading up to this.
Booked the holiday on our online system and my boss is now in a foul mood, saying "well you can't have holiday then because EmployeeB has already got holiday booked for then, can't have both of you off at the same time".
To which I replied that I had to start my maternity leave sometime, and Boss just sat there grumbling about how difficult it's going to be.

For what its worth EmployeeB has only joined in the past month, and already had their holiday booked before signing the contract to work here!

AIBU to be really pissed off at how this is being handled and how it's making me feel?
It's not like I can delay giving birth ffs.

Anyone else had sh*tty experiences with work whilst pregnant?

OP posts:
NotTakenUsername · 05/04/2018 17:29

I’m shocked at the responses to grouches ten weeks of ML before DD.
I like my job but I can’t imagine ever being so married to it that I would fear being bored if I had 10weeks off.

Don’t these posters have any identity or interests outside of work?

Dermymc · 05/04/2018 17:58

Notaken I have plenty of interests. However 10 weeks off work while heavily pregnant doesn't really include them. I was off for 3 weeks and going slightly insane!

peacheachpearplum · 05/04/2018 18:02

10 weeks before is crazy, I'd have been bored out of my mind! I took 12 weeks, 3 weeks holiday and 9 weeks ML, because I wanted that time with my 2 year old before the new baby arrived. It was a special time and I am so glad I did.

NotTakenUsername · 05/04/2018 18:05

I was off for 3 weeks and going slightly insane!

Why though?

ClareB83 · 05/04/2018 18:13

I think your boss is just letting out their grump as they know there's nothing they can do about this. HR have told you to use your leave first.

So I wouldn't do anything at all. Don't feel guilty. Just carry on as you are.

Here's a shocker: your boss could pick up the slack that week!!!!

AGreatBigPonk · 05/04/2018 18:19

Another one who took 10 weeks off before due date. Was I bored? Not in the slightest! I loved every second and caught up on some long overdue rest (stressful job).

mirime · 05/04/2018 18:25

I wish I'd had more time off. Was off on leave from 37 weeks, was induced at 38 weeks. My one week off was spent mainly lying around hoping relaxing would make my blood pressure go down.

But on topic - I couldn't take all my leave before DS was born because we were re-branding and I was responsible for a lot of the work needed so ended up getting paid instead. It was handy to have the money, but looking back it would have been better if I'd insisted on using it or just gone on mat leave sooner. Might have avoided the pre-eclampsia.

KickAssAngel · 05/04/2018 18:27

To OP:
I would be very tempted to ask your boss if she's deliberately discriminating against you for taking maternity leave, or is she going to be in a bad mood with everybody who takes any leave.

TittyGolightly · 05/04/2018 18:30

I would be very tempted to ask your boss if she's deliberately discriminating against you for taking maternity leave,

Ffs. It’s not the maternity leave that’s the problem. It’s the OP wanting to take ANNUAL leave at the same tome someone else is off.

NotTakenUsername · 05/04/2018 18:38

It’s not the maternity leave that’s the problem. It’s the OP wanting to take ANNUAL leave at the same tome someone else is off.

I agree. It would likely suit better to take annual leave a week earlier and then start mat leave on the week planned for annual leave.
That way they can arrange your maternity cover to start that week and they won’t be short staffed with your colleague being away on annual leave.

ClareB83 · 05/04/2018 18:41

But the boss didn't suggest that, they were just being grumpy! It might be just as annoying to cover OP for one week, hand back for one week and then cover again. If there was an operational solution that was better it was open to the boss to suggest it. They didn't, they're just being a bit arsey. Ignore and move on.

Mammyloveswine · 05/04/2018 18:52

God i couldn't have afforded to.start maternity leave any earlier than i did! I was over 38 weeks pregnant when i broke up for half term and ds was born when i was exactly 40 weeks pregnant and that's when my maternity leave officially started. Was nice to have 2 weeks off before tho so im glad ds hung on!

Dermymc · 05/04/2018 18:57

Not taken, because the hobbies I have aren't the best at 30 weeks plus pregnant. I had cleaned my house to oblivion, read a lot of books, I don't watch TV much and all my friends were at work.

TroubledLichen · 05/04/2018 19:02

It’s not the maternity leave that’s the problem. It’s the OP wanting to take ANNUAL leave at the same time someone else is off
^THIS

No, the boss can’t dictate when you start your maternity leave. But they can deny your annual leave request and your request for shorter days if it’s not convenient for the business. Your employer isn’t saying anything about your maternity leave, only that you can’t take annual leave when Employee B is also out. And how long they’ve worked there is irrelevant, the fact is they requested those dates before you did.

Stop being so dramatic, if you want to finish by a particular date then just make that the start of your maternity leave and use up your holiday days between now and then.

NotTakenUsername · 05/04/2018 19:14

Oh my goodness, being a bit grumpy or in a ‘foul mood’ is not a bloody crime.

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 05/04/2018 19:20

I remember going to a meeting with my boss and him telling me my annual leave didn’t accrue whilst I was off. I told him it was an entitlement and part of legislation. He then started to say how wrong it was. Good to know he prepared well for the meeting? X

PartyRingss · 05/04/2018 19:25

I'm assuming those saying they would be bored at having 10 weeks off before birth do sitting/office based jobs? Try working a manual job until 38 weeks on your feet/being physical all day then tell me you would be happy doing that until 38 weeks Hmm

Dermymc · 05/04/2018 19:32

Partyrings I'm a teacher and worked until 37 weeks!

Weezol · 05/04/2018 19:38

I'm with Troubled and Titty. Annual leave is not protected in the same way as maternity leave. Stop conflating the two.

ClareB83 · 05/04/2018 20:08

Well they are related if your employer makes it difficult take AL before mat leave and then doesn't let you carry over all of it. This may be part of why OPs HR said to take some now.

The other reason is because if the AL is denied OP can just go on mat leave early. So they're very related in this case.

But it any event it doesn't matter. The boss was just grumpy, they haven't done anything about it! So OP can just carry on with her plans.

Pennywhistle · 05/04/2018 20:16

told me I was making morning sickness up because she never got any of it with her pregnancy.

Humpty if anyone had said that to me I’d have thrown up on their shoes.

I stopped work at 29 weeks. 4 weeks holiday and then 11 weeks mat leave.

I had twins, I was massive.
I was throwing up at least ten times a day.

I couldn’t hardly reach my keyboard. If I’d have stayed longer I’d have had to balance it on my bump.

I was in no way bored at home.

TittyGolightly · 05/04/2018 20:21

Well they are related if your employer makes it difficult take AL before mat leave and then doesn't let you carry over all of it. This may be part of why OPs HR said to take some now.

Legally they will have to let her take it or carry it over. She can’t lose it.

The other reason is because if the AL is denied OP can just go on mat leave early. So they're very related in this case.

It’s been explained upthread why that would be preferable.

But it any event it doesn't matter. The boss was just grumpy, they haven't done anything about it! So OP can just carry on with her plans.

No, she can’t. She still needs permission to take annual leave whenever she takes it. She can’t just do what she wants.

PartyRingss · 05/04/2018 20:26

A teacher is a stressful job but it's not manual labour. I meant manual/physical/heavy lifting/on your feet all day jobs.

Crunchymum · 05/04/2018 20:35

I've taken annual leave, I've always given plenty of notice.

I went at 37w for DC1 (took 2 weeks AL so ML started at 39w)

Left at 38w with DC2 (took 1 weeks AL so again ML started at 39w)

Planned the same as DC2 for DC3 but was induced at 38w. My last day at work was 37w 6d Shock Shock

Dermymc · 05/04/2018 21:05

Partyrings you've obviously never taught then, I was on my feet all day!

Most manual jobs do a risk assessment and lifting anything is banned for the duration of pregnancy. I wasn't allowed to lift more than 20 exercise books for example.

Anyway epic derail OP, sorry! Go on mat leave when it suits you best.